1
00:00:07,175 --> 00:00:10,044
>> So, Jackie, they call you

2
00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:11,812
"The Great One." How did that

3
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:12,813
name come about?

4
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,215
>> No, actually, Orson Welles

5
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:15,649
was the first to call me "The

6
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:17,118
Great One." I'm not exactly sure

7
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:20,454
why. And then Lucy continued

8
00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:21,555
that tradition and started

9
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,724
calling me that as well. And I

10
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,159
never had a problem with it.

11
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:26,760
I learned to deal with it.

12
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:28,162
>> Why was "The Honeymooners"

13
00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:30,198
so successful?

14
00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:31,432
>> Well, I can probably give you

15
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,334
30 reasons why. But the one that

16
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:36,404
comes to mind is it was funny.

17
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:37,338
That's all.

18
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,572
>> Is it true that you didn't

19
00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:39,507
like to rehearse?

20
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:40,574
>> I was never fond of

21
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:43,111
rehearsing, simply because

22
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,378
I believe that the best comedy

23
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:45,646
should have a certain degree

24
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:48,249
of spontaneity and surprise.

25
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:50,784
And it was just totally

26
00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:52,820
a decision made by my technique.

27
00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:55,823
I liked to be surprised as well,

28
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:57,191
and the more I rehearsed, the

29
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:58,626
more I felt it was watered down,

30
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,562
and so I rarely rehearsed.

31
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:02,830
>> You have a reputation

32
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,798
for enjoying your libations.

33
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,367
>> Now, that is a lie.

34
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,336
( laughs ) I drank for one

35
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:09,837
reason only, and that is to get

36
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:11,705
bagged. It never got in the way

37
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,641
of my work. I never drank on

38
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,177
show day. I was always on time.

39
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:20,881
>> In five.

40
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:21,882
>> You seen Jackie?

41
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,118
>> Philbin.

42
00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:25,119
>> Everything okay?

43
00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:26,387
>> Yeah, just the usual preshow

44
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:26,954
details, Mr. Friedman,

45
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:27,788
nothing we can't handle.

46
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:28,656
>> Listen.

47
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:29,490
>> Joe, you seen Gleason?

48
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:30,324
>> No, haven't seen him.

49
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:30,958
>> Where is he?

50
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:31,625
>> Well, you know Jackie.

51
00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:32,860
If he's not composing music,

52
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:33,561
he's yelling at writers.

53
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,129
If he's not yelling at writers,

54
00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:35,763
he's changing the lights.

55
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:36,330
>> Excuse me, sir.

56
00:01:36,364 --> 00:01:36,897
>> If he's not changing

57
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:37,598
the lights, he's telling

58
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,533
the director how to do his job.

59
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,169
No, this is not going to work.

60
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:42,403
We're not gonna be able to see

61
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:43,604
Art's face or hear his dialogue.

62
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:44,638
>> I can't get another. The

63
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:45,673
rental house is already closed.

64
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:46,907
>> Well, it's too late to change

65
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:47,775
it. We're going to have

66
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:48,809
to go with it.

67
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:49,843
>> Well, I could cut a hole

68
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,279
in the front, but then we

69
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:52,313
have to pay for it.

70
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:53,247
>> Well, just do it.

71
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,348
You got an hour.

72
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:55,383
>> Just let me give him

73
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:56,083
Mr. Paley's good wishes.

74
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,451
>> Now, you know he doesn't like

75
00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:58,619
visitors before the show,

76
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,388
especially from the network.

77
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:01,054
No offense.

78
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:02,256
>> None taken. It goes with

79
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:03,491
the territory. But I do need

80
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:04,158
to see him.

81
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,259
>> If you'd just wait here,

82
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:06,727
and I'll go get him.

83
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,596
>> That's my boy.

84
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:09,830
>> Think I'm going to be sick.

85
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,599
>> "Stage Show" cast, we go live

86
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:12,800
in 30 minutes. "Honeymooners,"

87
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,768
that's a one-hour call for you.

88
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,737
>> ( car horns honking )

89
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:17,871
>> Why don't we try Second

90
00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:18,706
Avenue? This is like

91
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,241
a parade route.

92
00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:21,242
>> Everything's jammed up,

93
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:21,942
Mr. Gleason.

94
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,177
>> So, you want to hear this?

95
00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:23,877
>> Yeah.

96
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:24,878
>> So, we leave the Yankee game,

97
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:25,746
right?

98
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:26,414
>> Uh-huh.

99
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:28,649
>> We get in the car, things

100
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:31,785
start spinning, and I threw up.

101
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,854
I was so loaded, I threw up all

102
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,656
over Sinatra right in his limo.

103
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:36,424
You believe that?

104
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:37,090
>> ( chuckles )

105
00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:38,492
>> And you know what I told

106
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:39,159
his driver?

107
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:39,827
>> What's that, Mr. Gleason?

108
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:40,528
>> "Throw the bum out. He's

109
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:44,232
stinking up the car." ( laughs )

110
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,235
>> I'll be darned.

111
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:48,269
>> What, these guys think I'm

112
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,870
going to wear a dress?

113
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:53,541
I hate writers.

114
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,843
>> ( horn honks )

115
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,579
>> ( crowd murmuring )

116
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:03,584
>> There he is!

117
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,719
>> Hiya, folks. Hi.

118
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:06,954
How'd everybody get in my

119
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:07,655
dressing room?

120
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,657
>> Jackie? Jackie, over here!

121
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:10,324
>> Oh, my God.

122
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,693
>> Oh, thank you. Hey, doll,

123
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:13,494
aren't you something?

124
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,728
>> Jackie.

125
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:15,963
>> Thank you. How are you, pal?

126
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,765
>> Jackie.

127
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,401
>> Jackie.

128
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,870
Jackie.

129
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,938
>> You're the man.

130
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:26,540
>> Jackie.

131
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:27,975
>> Jackie.

132
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:28,942
>> Jackie!

133
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,978
>> Jackie. Jackie.

134
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,480
>> You're welcome. Thank you.

135
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:33,046
>> Thank you.

136
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,315
>> Thank you, everybody.

137
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:35,549
>> Jackie, where are you?

138
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:36,950
You said you wanted to help me

139
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:37,985
make the bread.

140
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,420
>> For God's sakes, will you let

141
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:40,421
that kid be?

142
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:41,121
>> Jackie!

143
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:42,356
>> You know what you're going

144
00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:43,791
to do? You're going to turn him

145
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:44,892
into a mama's boy.

146
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,327
>> He's all I've got left.

147
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,361
>> And what the hell's that

148
00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:47,928
supposed to mean?

149
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:48,929
>> ( metal clatters )

150
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,364
>> It means maybe if I had

151
00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:51,799
a husband who knew how to look

152
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:52,966
after his family, I'd still have

153
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,903
two sons instead of one. No.

154
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:59,907
>> ( laughs )

155
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,842
You know what I can't believe?

156
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:03,744
I can't believe you still blame

157
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:07,815
me. The kid was sick, Mae.

158
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:11,285
Our boy was sick. You know,

159
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,320
I just don't do enough

160
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:12,953
around here, do I?

161
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,422
>> Enough for who?

162
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,689
>> You know, one of these days,

163
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:16,223
poof!

164
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,326
>> Oh, can it, Herb.

165
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,893
>> You know what? I know where

166
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:23,397
you hide it. Oh, yeah.

167
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:24,365
>> Hey, that's clean l--

168
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,933
>> Oh, yeah, I know, all right.

169
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:28,302
Oh, yeah. Ah, there we go.

170
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,439
Damn, I can't believe how fast

171
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:32,740
you go through the hooch!

172
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,342
>> Oh, what, like you don't?

173
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:34,975
You're drunk by 2:00

174
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:35,943
in the afternoon.

175
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,778
>> Yeah? Oh, what time is it?

176
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,980
Oh, I know. Time for a drink.

177
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:40,848
Oh, yeah.

178
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:41,949
>> No, you are not taking

179
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:42,983
the food money again and go

180
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,518
get drunk. You put it back!

181
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:45,085
>> No, no!

182
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:45,786
>> Put it back, Herb!

183
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,054
>> No, no. No, you know what?

184
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:50,524
You're right. I am to blame.

185
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:51,559
For not telling you how

186
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:52,960
beautiful you are. Come on,

187
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,094
baby. Come on, look at me.

188
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:54,928
>> Just put the money

189
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:55,796
back, Herb.

190
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:56,364
>> Come on, love.

191
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:57,064
>> Put it back, Herb!

192
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,566
>> God damn it, will you just

193
00:04:58,599 --> 00:04:59,800
let me have a good time

194
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:00,501
for once?

195
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,403
>> Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

196
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:02,870
Stop it!

197
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,805
>> Aw, come on.

198
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,607
>> Are you okay, Ma?

199
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:07,875
>> Yeah, I'm okay, Jackie.

200
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:10,611
>> Hey, killer, how 'bout you

201
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,912
take a walk with your old man,

202
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,847
huh? You know what we'll do?

203
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:14,882
We'll go see a show

204
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,450
at the Halsey. How would you

205
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:16,917
like that, huh?

206
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,018
>> Herb. Herb.

207
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:18,719
>> Okay? Come on.

208
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:21,355
>> Herb! What'd I tell you about

209
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:21,989
taking him out when

210
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,123
you've been drinking?

211
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,758
>> Come on, Ma. I want to go.

212
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:26,360
>> Yeah, come on, Ma.

213
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:27,828
We want to go.

214
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:31,865
>> Don't you take your eyes

215
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:32,566
off him.

216
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:33,901
>> Hear that, Jackie? You don't

217
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,703
take your eyes off me, huh?

218
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:44,978
>> Come on, buddy.

219
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:48,449
Let's go see a show.

220
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:49,950
>> You be good, Jackie.

221
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:52,853
>> ( applause, cheering )

222
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:56,724
>> Fifi and her magic circle

223
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:57,858
of fire, ladies and gentlemen.

224
00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,660
Well, our next act is certainly

225
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,395
no dog act. Let's have a big

226
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:03,464
hand for the one and only

227
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:04,732
Benny Meyer!

228
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:07,901
>> Benny!

229
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:08,736
>> Benny Meyer.

230
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:09,937
>> Benny.

231
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:13,006
>> ( laughter )

232
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,109
>> ( band playing )

233
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,885
>> ( audience gasps )

234
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:27,421
( laughing )

235
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:56,149
>> ( imitating train engine )

236
00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:59,787
( laughs )

237
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,088
Hey, you have a good time with

238
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:01,955
your old man tonight?

239
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:02,856
>> Sure, Pop.

240
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:03,724
>> Yeah?

241
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,825
>> Yeah, it was some show.

242
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,894
>> Oh, yeah, that was some show.

243
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,096
Whoo-hoo! ( laughs )

244
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:14,702
Oh, Jackie.

245
00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:18,071
Hey, I ever tell you what a good

246
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,140
boy you are? You are such

247
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:23,877
a good boy. ( laughs ) I'm going

248
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:24,945
to give you something. How would

249
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,547
you like that, huh? I'm going

250
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:27,781
to give you something, but you

251
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,082
got to promise me you are not

252
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,684
going to tell your ma.

253
00:07:30,718 --> 00:07:31,752
>> Promise.

254
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,888
>> Hmm? Let's see.

255
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:37,825
>> A nickel?

256
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:38,859
>> Guy like you can't walk

257
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,194
around broke, Mr. Jackie

258
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,831
Gleason. Here. You put that

259
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:47,868
in your pocket, pal. ( laughs )

260
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:52,239
All right, open ses-a-me.

261
00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,648
>> ( sleigh bells jingling )

262
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:03,050
>> ( hoofbeats clopping )

263
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:05,886
>> Eat some more of your peas,

264
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,822
Jackie. Come on, don't play with

265
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:09,690
your food.

266
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,597
>> Maybe the subway's late.

267
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:17,230
>> ( knock on door )

268
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:17,931
>> He's here! That's him!

269
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:21,234
>> No, that's not him, Jackie.

270
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:22,736
>> Mrs. Gleason?

271
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:26,540
>> Yes. Thank you for coming.

272
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:27,174
>> Has he ever been

273
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,008
gone this long before?

274
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,643
>> No, never this long.

275
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,011
>> Well, Ma, remember

276
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:31,979
last Thanksgiving?

277
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:35,983
>> No, it wasn't this long.

278
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,250
>> Well, what would help us is

279
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,986
a photograph, identification,

280
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,120
if anyone's seen him.

281
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,188
>> Jackie.

282
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:50,831
Um...

283
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:55,669
>> Where are all the pictures

284
00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:57,571
of Daddy?

285
00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,640
>> I don't understand.

286
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,909
>> I'm sorry. We'll do what we

287
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,111
can, okay? Merry Christmas.

288
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,729
>> ( soft crying )

289
00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:46,219
>> ( applause )

290
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:46,854
>> Thank you, ladies and

291
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,255
gentlemen. Now the Halsey

292
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,757
Theatre is proud to present

293
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,892
a new act. We're really excited

294
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,126
about this young man. He's going

295
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,828
to go places. How about a nice

296
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,730
warm welcome, big hand

297
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:59,366
for Jackie Gleason!

298
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,836
>> 15 minutes to "Stage Show."

299
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:03,871
We go live in 15.

300
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:04,905
>> What exactly is the problem?

301
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:05,939
>> I want a different driver.

302
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:06,807
>> Another one?

303
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:07,507
>> Thank you, Willy.

304
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,308
>> What happened to this one?

305
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:08,842
>> He's a wacko.

306
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:09,843
>> All right, fine,

307
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:10,543
I'll handle it.

308
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:11,378
>> Jackie, you are killing me

309
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,079
with the lateness.

310
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,881
>> 'Cause I'm all out of poison.

311
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,015
>> Very funny. You do realize

312
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:15,849
this is live, right?

313
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:16,316
>> Mm-hmm.

314
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:16,817
>> Hey, Jackie!

315
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:17,851
>> Ladies. Artie.

316
00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:18,919
What's up, Philly?

317
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:19,953
>> Friedman wants to see you.

318
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,188
>> You know I don't see people

319
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:21,822
before the show.

320
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,356
>> Well, he's not people.

321
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:24,024
He's from the network.

322
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,025
>> Well, then, I definitely

323
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:26,126
don't want to see him.

324
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:27,394
>> Bullets? Bullets, you're his

325
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,829
manager. Will you help me out?

326
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:29,863
>> Hey, hey, he's a big boy.

327
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:30,731
>> Oh, that's right.

328
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:31,198
You do nothing.

329
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:31,765
>> Don't start.

330
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,000
>> Look, Jackie, please?

331
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:33,701
>> "Please" never works.

332
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:34,401
>> He's Paley's number-two guy.

333
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:35,736
>> He gets five minutes after

334
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:36,203
the show.

335
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:36,870
>> Now?

336
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:37,738
>> Later.

337
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:38,371
>> No, now.

338
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:39,239
>> Fine. You want to talk?

339
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,674
Go ahead and talk to him.

340
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:41,141
>> Good evening, Jackie.

341
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:41,842
>> Oh, God.

342
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,043
>> I was wondering if you got

343
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,077
the new script pages yet?

344
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:45,112
>> You call that a script?

345
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,346
I wouldn't let my parakeet crap

346
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,781
on that thing. That was death.

347
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:48,415
>> I thought that was

348
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,116
the direction that--

349
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:49,649
>> No, funny's the direction.

350
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:50,851
>> Well, if you came

351
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:51,885
to rehearsal every once

352
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:52,920
in a while, you'd see that--

353
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,154
>> What would I see? That you're

354
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,388
in charge of my scheduling now?

355
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,423
>> Hey, maybe we should give

356
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,090
the scene to Carney.

357
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:58,291
>> Maybe you should go write

358
00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,727
for Berle. Get me some ice.

359
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:00,761
>> See? I told you later.

360
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:01,829
>> Here you go, Jackie.

361
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:02,329
>> Scotch up.

362
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:07,901
>> ( ball falls in pocket )

363
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:08,936
>> You put the word in with

364
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:09,970
Fisher about me taking over

365
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,705
your emcee spot?

366
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:12,906
>> Jackie, how many times we got

367
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:13,874
to talk about this?

368
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:14,942
You're not ready.

369
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:16,276
>> What do you mean?

370
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:17,310
>> I'm not putting my reputation

371
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,946
on the line for a guy who's been

372
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,447
at it only four months.

373
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,481
>> You saw me kill 'em

374
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,150
the other night.

375
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,985
>> Yeah, that reminds me.

376
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,019
If you're going to steal

377
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:26,887
other guys' routines, at least

378
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:27,755
do 'em right.

379
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:28,856
>> I'm changing 'em around

380
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:29,957
to fit me.

381
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,158
>> All right, fine. Just don't

382
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,360
change the funny parts. And you

383
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:36,864
got to work on your timing.

384
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:37,898
>> What did I tell you about

385
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:38,932
talking while I shoot?

386
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:39,399
>> Sorry.

387
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:40,100
>> Huh?

388
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:40,801
>> Sorry. Look, all I'm saying

389
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,803
is that it took me three years

390
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,037
till I was offered a job

391
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:44,704
outside the Halsey.

392
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:47,007
>> That's you. I'll tell you

393
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,441
what. You put the fix in for me,

394
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:49,877
and you won't owe me another

395
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:50,410
red cent.

396
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:51,912
>> What am I up to?

397
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,046
>> Six bucks, plus the two bits

398
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,514
you're about to lose.

399
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:55,949
I get the job, I give

400
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:56,984
you a dollar a week.

401
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,018
>> The job only pays three.

402
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,052
What are you going to do,

403
00:11:59,086 --> 00:11:59,987
work for a lousy--

404
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,221
>> Will you let me worry about

405
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,023
that? Shoot your shot. What are

406
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,257
you going to do? More to the

407
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:05,492
right. You're going to kiss off

408
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:06,960
the seven. Go ahead.

409
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:07,961
Keep embarrassing yourself.

410
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,296
>> All right! I'll talk

411
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,031
to Fisher.

412
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,200
>> Tell him he won't be sorry.

413
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,234
>> But I'll tell you, I'm

414
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:15,903
staying at a lousy hotel, ladies

415
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:17,437
and gentlemen. They steal my

416
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:20,040
towels. The good news is they

417
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,042
send up the heat religiously,

418
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,243
once a week,

419
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,078
on Sundays.

420
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,379
>> ( slight laughter )

421
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,915
>> Poor guy.

422
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:28,916
>> I think he's kinda cute.

423
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,483
>> I'll tell you, they sure ask

424
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:34,021
a lot for rent. No, that's not--

425
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,889
no, they-- no, they ask a lot

426
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:38,826
for rent. Last week, they asked

427
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:39,392
me five times.

428
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,861
>> ( chuckles )

429
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:41,561
>> Thank you very much,

430
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:42,229
everybody.

431
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:42,930
>> ( applause )

432
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:43,997
>> Good night.

433
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,032
>> How about a nice hand for

434
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,199
Jackie Gleason? What'd I tell

435
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,835
you, huh? Timing.

436
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,569
>> It was fine.

437
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,872
>> And now please welcome

438
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,140
the ballet artistry

439
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:56,209
of the Halford Twins.

440
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:59,079
>> ( applause )

441
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,350
>> ( band playing )

442
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:07,420
>> I hear they're not really

443
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:10,157
twins, just sisters.

444
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:11,191
>> Who cares? They can be

445
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:12,960
brothers. Look at the pins

446
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:14,461
on that one.

447
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:15,462
>> I'll take the one

448
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:17,130
on the right.

449
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:20,467
( laughs )

450
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,069
>> Puppets.

451
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:28,909
>> The matinee. Oh, my God.

452
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,310
>> Hello. My name is Jackie.

453
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:31,912
I'm one of the new comics

454
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:32,545
around here.

455
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,447
>> Yeah, we know. We saw.

456
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,149
>> Thank you. And I just want

457
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,584
to tell you what a pleasure it

458
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:38,886
is to watch you gals do

459
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,320
the ballet.

460
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,289
>> Well, thank you.

461
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,125
>> You're welcome. You know,

462
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,860
it'd really be an honor to take

463
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,295
you gals out for a late supper

464
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,097
tonight. What do you say?

465
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:51,564
>> Well, I've already got plans

466
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:52,232
with Armando, but--

467
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,868
>> Ah, really? The juggler?

468
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:56,103
Are you going to walk or take

469
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,305
the unicycle?

470
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:58,972
>> That's funny.

471
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,440
>> Always writing. You know,

472
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,275
that's comics. How about you,

473
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:03,944
miss?

474
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,312
>> I'm a little tired tonight.

475
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:06,246
Maybe some other time.

476
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,281
>> Maybe tomorrow night?

477
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,918
>> Maybe.

478
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:13,486
>> Okay, I'll see you then.

479
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,923
Have a great show out there.

480
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,124
>> Have a good night.

481
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,095
>> I'm telling you, Ma, this

482
00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:23,997
girl is nuts about me. And she's

483
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,033
a dancer. You know, not that

484
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,935
kind of dancer, a good dancer.

485
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:28,902
She's ballet.

486
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:32,973
>> Oh, yeah? ( breathing hard )

487
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:33,473
>> What's with

488
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:34,041
the breathing, Ma?

489
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:37,510
>> I'm fine. So, when do

490
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,545
I get to meet her?

491
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,313
>> I don't know. If things go

492
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,682
okay tonight, maybe soon.

493
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:43,984
There's something different

494
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,185
about her.

495
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,286
>> Yeah, that's what you said

496
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,588
about the last one. They ever

497
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,023
find your wallet?

498
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,359
>> ( laughs ) Can you stop with

499
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,060
that, please?

500
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,527
>> Hey, I just care about you,

501
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:55,996
that's all.

502
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,297
>> I know, Ma.

503
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,598
You're the greatest.

504
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,500
>> Yeah. Hey, how about you

505
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:01,601
stay home tonight, keep me

506
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:02,702
company, huh?

507
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,937
>> Ma, how many times I have

508
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:06,673
to tell you? You're not my type.

509
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,341
>> Yeah.

510
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:09,442
>> I'll tell you, that Chaplin,

511
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,411
he's a genius. He says it all

512
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:12,512
with his eyes.

513
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:13,947
>> God, the way he was with that

514
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,049
little kid. It's like he makes

515
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:16,683
me laugh and cry.

516
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:17,550
>> ( horn honks )

517
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:18,218
>> Watch yourself.

518
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,452
>> He makes me laugh and cry

519
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:20,287
at the same time.

520
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,688
>> Come on. And you know

521
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,356
the best thing about it? He runs

522
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:25,058
the whole show. He's the writer,

523
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,960
the director. He's the star,

524
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:27,727
doesn't have to depend

525
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,162
on anybody.

526
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,663
>> Is that what you want? Not to

527
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,199
have to depend on anybody?

528
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:33,066
>> Isn't that what

529
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:34,101
everybody wants?

530
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,336
>> Eh, not everyone. I think

531
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,972
it might get kind of lonely.

532
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,540
>> You know what? You got

533
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:41,374
to meet my ma.

534
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:42,375
>> Why's that?

535
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:43,076
>> Because you seem to

536
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,244
understand people the same way

537
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:47,180
she does. Hey, listen, just for

538
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,982
a giggle, let's go by and say

539
00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:51,051
hi. What do you say?

540
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,252
>> Jackie, we hardly

541
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:52,919
know each other.

542
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,121
>> Yeah, but, see, this way,

543
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,355
we can all get to know

544
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,357
each other at the same time.

545
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:59,292
>> I don't know, Jackie.

546
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:02,129
>> I do. Come on.

547
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:02,695
>> ( radio playing music )

548
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:05,032
>> Come on. Come on. Ma?

549
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:07,734
Come on. Come on. She's going

550
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:08,368
to love it.

551
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,703
>> But maybe she's asleep.

552
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,039
>> Does it sound like she's

553
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:13,473
asleep? What, are you kidding?

554
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:17,444
Come on in. Ma? Oh, she made

555
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,412
a banana bread. You want some?

556
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:20,247
>> Oh, I'm okay, thanks.

557
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,114
>> Huh?

558
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:21,814
>> No, I'm--

559
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,550
>> That's why you're a twig. Ma?

560
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,052
What'd I tell you about keeping

561
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:27,754
these late hours?

562
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:28,721
You like jazz?

563
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:30,190
>> Oh, yeah, yeah, I love it.

564
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:31,424
>> You see? I knew it. You're

565
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,027
going to be two peas in a pod.

566
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:36,029
>> ( laughs )

567
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:41,768
No, I can't. Jackie. Wait.

568
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:44,171
Seriously, do I look all right?

569
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:45,205
>> What, are you kidding me?

570
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,273
>> Is she going to--

571
00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:48,108
>> You look unbelievable.

572
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,309
>> No.

573
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,777
>> Ma? Come on, I want you

574
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,279
to meet Jen.

575
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:19,572
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa.

576
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:21,074
Mr. Friedman, it's ten minutes

577
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:21,774
before the show.

578
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:22,742
>> Well, that's plenty of time

579
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:23,776
to convey Mr. Paley's

580
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:24,444
good wishes.

581
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:24,977
>> ( sighs )

582
00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:25,645
>> I'll just take--

583
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,280
>> Mr. Friedman, no. Listen.

584
00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:29,616
Listen to me. Jackie doesn't see

585
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,783
anybody before the show.

586
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,152
It's a superstition.

587
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:32,785
>> Sure. Sure. I understand.

588
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:33,786
Good. But just give me

589
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:34,454
two minutes.

590
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:35,155
>> Ah, bup-bup-bup-bup-bup!

591
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,556
>> Look, what do you expect me

592
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:37,390
to tell Mr. Paley?

593
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:37,857
>> Look--

594
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:38,558
>> Huh?

595
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:39,759
>> Tell him I saved your life.

596
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:40,793
>> That you couldn't give me

597
00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:42,229
30 seconds to walk in and

598
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:42,929
give him--

599
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:43,730
>> Jackie: Hello! I hear talking

600
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,299
outside the door!

601
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,534
>> Yeah. I'm just going to go

602
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,368
sit in the audience.

603
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,068
>> That's a good idea.

604
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:50,403
>> Okay. Hey, have a wonderful

605
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:50,870
show.

606
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:51,571
>> Thanks.

607
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:52,272
>> ( clicks tongue ) Top-notch.

608
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:55,575
>> Top-notch. ( clicks tongue )

609
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,180
>> Five minutes, Miss Halford.

610
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:00,847
>> ( laughs )

611
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:01,548
>> Hey.

612
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,249
>> Hi.

613
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:03,883
>> Is everybody decent? Is that

614
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,419
okay, ladies? You were great in

615
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,721
that saloon, the Western thing,

616
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,358
very funny. Hi. How are you?

617
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:12,024
>> Hello.

618
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:13,260
>> I just wanted to wish you

619
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:13,960
good luck tonight.

620
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,862
>> Oh, thank you. You too. Hey,

621
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:18,765
Mr. Big Shot. Big city debut.

622
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:19,299
>> Yeah.

623
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:19,999
>> Club Miami, huh?

624
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:20,700
>> Yeah. Yeah. Oh, come here.

625
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:21,401
Come here. I heard something.

626
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,804
I want to ask you. Come here.

627
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,473
Listen, I was thinking maybe

628
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:27,740
after our shows, we can get

629
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:28,875
together at my place tonight.

630
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:31,778
What do you say? Come on.

631
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:33,480
>> I told-- Jackie, we had

632
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:36,816
this conversation. I'm waiting.

633
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,185
>> What are you waiting for,

634
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,719
a rainy day? I've been waiting

635
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,354
for six months. Is there

636
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:42,589
a little part of you that

637
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,423
doesn't have to wait?

638
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,224
>> Knock it off.

639
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:44,891
>> ( gasps )

640
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,793
>> ( laughs )

641
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,228
>> Hey, why don't you come by

642
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:49,329
my show tomorrow night?

643
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:50,397
>> Oh, actually, I have

644
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:51,097
dinner plans.

645
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:51,798
>> Well, maybe after dinner, you

646
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,533
can come by, and I'll leave you

647
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:54,767
two tickets for the late show.

648
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:01,474
>> Hey, Jackie, where is

649
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:02,175
this going?

650
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:03,376
>> Come on, you know this has

651
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:04,811
been a crazy year for me with

652
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:05,845
everything going on, and now

653
00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:06,879
I'm playing the bigger rooms

654
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:07,847
in the city, and--

655
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:11,584
>> I know, but where do

656
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,420
I fit into that?

657
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:14,654
>> Ah, come on, Jen. You know

658
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:15,822
I'm crazy about you.

659
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,391
>> Well, I don't want crazy.

660
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,660
Someday I want a family.

661
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:23,830
>> Jen. Sorry. We're on next.

662
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:24,864
>> Okay, I'll be right there.

663
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:26,499
>> Okay.

664
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:27,867
>> All right, go get 'em, tiger.

665
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,537
You got a packed house tonight.

666
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:31,371
Remember everything

667
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:31,838
I taught you.

668
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:32,772
>> Mm-hmm.

669
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:33,940
>> Plié, plié.

670
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,775
>> Stop it.

671
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:36,943
>> I'll see you tomorrow night?

672
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,345
>> I'll try.

673
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:41,614
>> Good luck.

674
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:42,849
So, did you see the way

675
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:43,483
I murdered 'em tonight?

676
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,717
>> What'd I tell you about

677
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:45,718
stealing, huh? Jackie, you did

678
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:46,819
two of my jokes.

679
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,321
>> And they killed. You, my

680
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:49,722
friend, are an excellent writer.

681
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:50,823
Come on, dinner's on me.

682
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:51,824
>> Where we going?

683
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:52,859
>> We're going right here.

684
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:53,893
>> Yeah, well, wait a minute.

685
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:54,961
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

686
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,296
We're going in here?

687
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:56,763
>> Well, we ain't

688
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:57,730
going bowling.

689
00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:59,299
>> Yeah, but this place is

690
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:00,400
for big shots.

691
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:01,668
>> Well, then, maybe you should

692
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:02,602
wait outside. They happen

693
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:03,936
to cater to entertainers. That's

694
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,538
us. And you don't have to pay.

695
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:06,739
You just sign for everything.

696
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:07,407
>> Entertainers who make

697
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,675
a living. Eventually you got

698
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:09,509
to pay it back.

699
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,412
>> Eventually. Come on.

700
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:13,946
Hey, I bet they have scampi.

701
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,248
>> I'm not eating.

702
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:16,949
>> You'll eat.

703
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,551
>> I can't afford this.

704
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:19,819
>> Ah, you think small,

705
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:21,521
my friend.

706
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,723
>> ( music playing )

707
00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:24,791
>> I got two weeks' salary

708
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,326
on my plate. I can't eat this.

709
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:27,026
I'll get indigestion.

710
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:27,660
>> What are you worried about?

711
00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:28,895
You're not paying for it.

712
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,330
Eat your potato. You want

713
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,831
to trade for the donkey here?

714
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,866
>> Jackie, Jackie, it's...

715
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:34,967
>> Ahem. Excuse me, Mr. Shor.

716
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:35,635
>> Mr. Shor.

717
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:36,869
>> Excuse me. I just want to

718
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,305
tell you, you have a beautiful

719
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,339
restaurant here, and maybe next

720
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:40,773
time, I can get a table

721
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:41,741
near a waiter.

722
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,943
>> ( laughs ) Do I know you?

723
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:44,644
>> Mr. Shor--

724
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:46,446
>> My name's Jackie Gleason. I'm

725
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:47,680
headlining up at the Club Miami,

726
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,316
and it would be my honor to have

727
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:50,383
you as my guest anytime.

728
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:53,353
>> Thank you. What do you do?

729
00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:58,825
>> What do I do? I'm a comic.

730
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:00,693
>> ( chuckles ) Good for you.

731
00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:01,928
>> Excuse me, Mr. Shor. Jack

732
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,363
Benny is ready for his table.

733
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:05,365
>> Great. Nice to meet you.

734
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:06,566
>> Likewise.

735
00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:12,939
Well, that went well.

736
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:16,142
>> Ahem.

737
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:17,810
>> May I have a pen so I may

738
00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:19,479
sign my tab, please?

739
00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:20,847
>> Do you have a tab?

740
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:21,981
>> Are you calling me a liar?

741
00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:27,787
Does your mommy know you're up

742
00:21:27,820 --> 00:21:31,057
this late? Why don't you send a

743
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:32,659
nice bottle over to Mr. Benny's

744
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:33,493
table and put something

745
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:34,961
on there for yourself.

746
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:41,901
We're in.

747
00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:50,477
>> You don't have to answer

748
00:21:50,510 --> 00:21:51,177
me. They're jokes, not

749
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:53,913
a conversation. What do I know?

750
00:21:53,946 --> 00:21:55,448
That's why I never shower alone,

751
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:58,351
ladies and gentlemen. How about

752
00:21:58,385 --> 00:21:59,919
this marvelous club, Club Miami?

753
00:21:59,952 --> 00:22:01,721
Is this wild here? I got to tell

754
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:03,756
you, the food is fit for a king.

755
00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:05,358
Here, King! ( kiss )

756
00:22:05,392 --> 00:22:06,793
Come on, boy. Where are you?

757
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:09,596
>> ( laughter )

758
00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:16,536
>> What the hell you looking at,

759
00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:18,004
pal? You look like you lost your

760
00:22:18,037 --> 00:22:19,806
best friend. By any chance,

761
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:22,875
did he run off with your hair?

762
00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:23,510
>> Yeah.

763
00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:24,210
>> Could you put your head

764
00:22:24,243 --> 00:22:27,079
on dim? ( chuckles ) Good thing

765
00:22:27,113 --> 00:22:28,515
about it, pal, at least if

766
00:22:28,548 --> 00:22:30,383
you find a hair in your soup,

767
00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:31,418
you know it ain't yours.

768
00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:32,985
But I got to tell you, life is

769
00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:33,686
good, ladies and gentlemen.

770
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,422
My landlord called me the other

771
00:22:35,455 --> 00:22:37,824
day, told me I have three days

772
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,659
to pay rent. I said, "Okay,

773
00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:41,428
I pick Easter, Thanksgiving,

774
00:22:41,461 --> 00:22:43,830
and New Year's Eve, 1962.

775
00:22:43,863 --> 00:22:46,766
>> ( laughter )

776
00:22:50,937 --> 00:22:51,804
>> And you, get your legs

777
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:52,872
together. What, are you

778
00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:53,773
waiting for a parade?

779
00:22:53,806 --> 00:22:56,876
You should see what I see.

780
00:22:56,909 --> 00:22:57,710
I'm Jackie Gleason.

781
00:22:57,744 --> 00:22:59,746
Have a good night.

782
00:22:59,779 --> 00:23:01,147
>> ( applause )

783
00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:03,783
>> Stu, come on.

784
00:23:03,816 --> 00:23:05,618
>> So, where's Jen? Thought I

785
00:23:05,652 --> 00:23:07,654
saw her come in here tonight.

786
00:23:07,687 --> 00:23:09,456
>> Oh, yeah? I didn't even

787
00:23:09,489 --> 00:23:10,790
notice. Crowd was so hot.

788
00:23:10,823 --> 00:23:13,793
Let's go. Come on.

789
00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:14,861
>> Come on, Jackie, you've had

790
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:17,797
enough, buddy. ( sighs )

791
00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:21,801
>> Come here. Hey, I'll tell you

792
00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:23,069
when I had enough.

793
00:23:44,624 --> 00:23:48,595
Jen. Open the door, Jen. Jen,

794
00:23:48,628 --> 00:23:50,697
open the door, I got to do--

795
00:23:50,730 --> 00:23:52,999
Jen, open the door! Come on,

796
00:23:53,032 --> 00:23:54,601
why don't you send the bum out?

797
00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:57,637
Send the bum out! Catholic girl,

798
00:23:57,670 --> 00:23:59,005
my ass. I know what goes on

799
00:23:59,038 --> 00:24:00,206
in here, Jen!

800
00:24:00,239 --> 00:24:01,240
>> Jackie, what are you doing?

801
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:02,008
>> Unlock the door.

802
00:24:02,041 --> 00:24:02,975
Unlock the door!

803
00:24:03,009 --> 00:24:03,843
>> Stop it.

804
00:24:03,876 --> 00:24:04,677
>> Is he in there?

805
00:24:04,711 --> 00:24:05,612
>> Get out!

806
00:24:05,645 --> 00:24:07,614
>> Open it up.

807
00:24:07,647 --> 00:24:08,881
>> See? Look. Look for yourself.

808
00:24:08,915 --> 00:24:09,916
>> Where is he? Send him out.

809
00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:10,750
>> There's no one there.

810
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:11,984
You know the way I am.

811
00:24:12,018 --> 00:24:14,020
You're being ridiculous.

812
00:24:14,053 --> 00:24:14,954
>> What were you doing?

813
00:24:14,987 --> 00:24:16,188
What were you doing to me?

814
00:24:16,222 --> 00:24:17,624
You think you can go down

815
00:24:17,657 --> 00:24:19,559
to a club where I work in front

816
00:24:19,592 --> 00:24:20,860
of my friends with another guy

817
00:24:20,893 --> 00:24:21,894
and show me up?

818
00:24:21,928 --> 00:24:22,929
>> I can go out with

819
00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:23,630
whoever I want.

820
00:24:23,663 --> 00:24:24,831
>> What? Go out with whomever

821
00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:25,865
you want? Who is he?

822
00:24:25,898 --> 00:24:26,599
>> A f--

823
00:24:26,633 --> 00:24:27,867
>> Who is he?!

824
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:28,568
>> We're friends.

825
00:24:28,601 --> 00:24:29,936
>> A friend? What the hell am I?

826
00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:31,538
I'm not a friend! You don't do

827
00:24:31,571 --> 00:24:32,038
that to people!

828
00:24:32,071 --> 00:24:32,872
>> Hey! It's 4:00

829
00:24:32,905 --> 00:24:33,540
in the morning!

830
00:24:33,573 --> 00:24:34,073
>> Huh?

831
00:24:34,106 --> 00:24:34,774
>> Shut the hell up!

832
00:24:34,807 --> 00:24:36,075
>> Yeah, you want to be next?

833
00:24:36,108 --> 00:24:36,743
>> Okay, Jackie, wait.

834
00:24:36,776 --> 00:24:38,077
You're scaring me now, okay?

835
00:24:38,110 --> 00:24:38,711
>> Scaring you?

836
00:24:38,745 --> 00:24:39,779
>> Please, please go home.

837
00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:40,246
>> Let me in.

838
00:24:40,279 --> 00:24:40,947
>> No.

839
00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:41,948
>> What happened when you said

840
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:42,782
you cared about me?

841
00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:43,816
Remember when you cared

842
00:24:43,850 --> 00:24:45,585
about me? I miss that!

843
00:24:45,618 --> 00:24:47,520
>> All right, Jackie, you have

844
00:24:47,554 --> 00:24:50,189
to care too.

845
00:24:50,222 --> 00:24:51,824
>> Does this look like a guy who

846
00:24:51,858 --> 00:24:54,761
doesn't care? Let me in.

847
00:24:54,794 --> 00:24:55,828
>> It's not worth it.

848
00:24:55,862 --> 00:24:57,096
>> I want to tell you a story.

849
00:24:57,129 --> 00:24:58,531
>> It's not worth it.

850
00:24:58,565 --> 00:24:59,766
>> It is worth-- no, it is.

851
00:24:59,799 --> 00:25:00,767
I'll tell you why!

852
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,836
>> ( lock clicks )

853
00:25:03,870 --> 00:25:05,738
>> It's worth it!

854
00:25:13,212 --> 00:25:14,881
Okay.

855
00:25:39,706 --> 00:25:40,840
>> Read all about it.

856
00:25:40,873 --> 00:25:42,008
Jackie says he's sorry.

857
00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,843
>> ( sighs )

858
00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:44,877
>> How does a fella get

859
00:25:44,911 --> 00:25:46,779
some eggs around here?

860
00:25:46,813 --> 00:25:47,580
>> Jackie.

861
00:25:47,614 --> 00:25:49,816
>> I knew you'd be back.

862
00:25:49,849 --> 00:25:50,817
>> Are you crazy?

863
00:25:50,850 --> 00:25:52,351
You slept in the hall?

864
00:25:52,384 --> 00:25:53,786
>> Well, I was in no condition

865
00:25:53,820 --> 00:25:54,486
to walk.

866
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,222
>> Because you drink too much.

867
00:25:56,255 --> 00:25:57,924
>> Fella's got to have a hobby.

868
00:25:57,957 --> 00:25:59,225
>> ( chuckles ) Stop it.

869
00:25:59,258 --> 00:26:00,026
I'm serious.

870
00:26:00,059 --> 00:26:01,594
>> Jen...

871
00:26:03,162 --> 00:26:06,198
...listen to me. I can change.

872
00:26:06,232 --> 00:26:09,135
I have a reason to now.

873
00:26:09,168 --> 00:26:11,871
>> You must sleep.

874
00:26:11,904 --> 00:26:12,972
>> I'll never sleep again unless

875
00:26:13,005 --> 00:26:13,806
you marry me, Jen.

876
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:14,774
>> What?

877
00:26:14,807 --> 00:26:15,875
>> Listen, I made a mess

878
00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:17,109
of things, and I want to make

879
00:26:17,143 --> 00:26:18,144
it up to you, Jen.

880
00:26:18,177 --> 00:26:19,746
>> How, by marrying me?

881
00:26:19,779 --> 00:26:20,813
You don't want to get

882
00:26:20,847 --> 00:26:21,447
married, Jackie.

883
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:22,649
>> I don't have a choice.

884
00:26:22,682 --> 00:26:23,883
You know why? 'Cause I'm never

885
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:24,917
going to let you go.

886
00:26:24,951 --> 00:26:26,185
I am perfect for you.

887
00:26:26,218 --> 00:26:28,087
>> You're perfect for you.

888
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:29,221
>> Well, maybe it's contagious.

889
00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:29,922
>> ( scoffs )

890
00:26:29,956 --> 00:26:31,123
>> Come on, you know the drill.

891
00:26:31,157 --> 00:26:32,358
Go buy a beautiful white dress,

892
00:26:32,391 --> 00:26:33,793
walk down the aisle, and I will

893
00:26:33,826 --> 00:26:34,827
make you the happiest woman

894
00:26:34,861 --> 00:26:35,527
on Earth.

895
00:26:35,561 --> 00:26:36,963
>> I'm not ready for this, Jac--

896
00:26:36,996 --> 00:26:38,197
>> Well, go get ready, and I'll

897
00:26:38,230 --> 00:26:39,398
go buy a cake.

898
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:41,067
>> I can't marry you like this.

899
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:42,334
>> What, are you kidding? Do you

900
00:26:42,368 --> 00:26:43,770
know how gorgeous you are in

901
00:26:43,803 --> 00:26:46,673
yellow? You're something else.

902
00:26:46,706 --> 00:26:47,373
>> Oh!

903
00:26:47,406 --> 00:26:49,942
>> Come on, you are a good one.

904
00:26:49,976 --> 00:26:52,111
Want me to get that? Whoa.

905
00:26:52,144 --> 00:26:54,080
>> ( music playing )

906
00:26:54,113 --> 00:26:56,282
>> Whoo!

907
00:26:56,315 --> 00:26:58,818
>> ( overlapping chatter )

908
00:27:04,957 --> 00:27:06,759
>> Nothing wrong with that.

909
00:27:06,793 --> 00:27:07,326
>> The same one.

910
00:27:12,932 --> 00:27:14,901
>> Excuse me.

911
00:27:14,934 --> 00:27:16,268
>> Oh, come on. It's wonderful.

912
00:27:16,302 --> 00:27:17,303
Just one dance.

913
00:27:26,779 --> 00:27:28,147
>> ( indistinct whisper )

914
00:27:39,325 --> 00:27:41,861
* Oh, when the saints

915
00:27:41,894 --> 00:27:44,163
* Come marching in

916
00:27:44,196 --> 00:27:46,165
* Oh, when the saints

917
00:27:46,198 --> 00:27:49,268
* Go marching in

918
00:27:49,301 --> 00:27:50,803
Hah!

919
00:27:50,837 --> 00:27:51,938
>> Your brother-in-law here is

920
00:27:51,971 --> 00:27:52,939
something else, huh?

921
00:27:52,972 --> 00:27:53,740
>> He certainly is.

922
00:27:53,773 --> 00:27:54,273
>> Yeah.

923
00:27:54,306 --> 00:27:54,974
>> He certainly is.

924
00:27:55,007 --> 00:27:56,776
>> * Oh, when the saints

925
00:27:56,809 --> 00:28:00,780
* Come marching in.

926
00:28:00,813 --> 00:28:01,714
>> You look so beautiful.

927
00:28:01,748 --> 00:28:02,749
>> Are you going to dance?

928
00:28:02,782 --> 00:28:03,382
>> Yeah!

929
00:28:03,415 --> 00:28:03,950
>> You're going to dance?

930
00:28:03,983 --> 00:28:04,884
>> How are you, ladies?

931
00:28:04,917 --> 00:28:05,752
>> Hi, Sammy.

932
00:28:05,785 --> 00:28:06,318
>> Hi, Sammy.

933
00:28:06,352 --> 00:28:07,319
>> I'm going to go get

934
00:28:07,353 --> 00:28:08,354
some more punch. See you.

935
00:28:08,387 --> 00:28:09,922
>> Okay. Yes.

936
00:28:09,956 --> 00:28:11,357
Hey, have you seen Jackie?

937
00:28:11,390 --> 00:28:13,325
>> Yeah. He's on the stage

938
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:14,794
in the back doing his act.

939
00:28:14,827 --> 00:28:16,295
>> He's doing a show tonight?

940
00:28:16,328 --> 00:28:18,497
>> Yeah. And the late show too.

941
00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:19,899
How do you think he's paying for

942
00:28:19,932 --> 00:28:22,001
the wedding? What a guy, huh?

943
00:28:22,034 --> 00:28:23,169
How are you?

944
00:28:25,071 --> 00:28:26,272
>> Ladies and gentlemen, I want

945
00:28:26,305 --> 00:28:28,140
to talk to you about marriage,

946
00:28:28,174 --> 00:28:29,942
which I believe to be an expert

947
00:28:29,976 --> 00:28:32,845
on, because I have been married

948
00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:34,981
approximately five hours.

949
00:28:35,014 --> 00:28:36,415
>> ( laughter )

950
00:28:36,448 --> 00:28:38,084
>> And they said it would never

951
00:28:38,117 --> 00:28:42,054
last. You know, they say, ladies

952
00:28:42,088 --> 00:28:43,422
and gentlemen, that marriage is

953
00:28:43,455 --> 00:28:45,124
like a three-ring circus.

954
00:28:45,157 --> 00:28:46,859
You got the engagement ring,

955
00:28:46,893 --> 00:28:48,394
you got the wedding ring,

956
00:28:48,427 --> 00:28:49,896
and then you got the suffering.

957
00:28:49,929 --> 00:28:51,063
>> ( laughter )

958
00:28:51,097 --> 00:28:53,766
>> There it is, pal. One size

959
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:57,169
fits nobody! Are you married?

960
00:28:57,203 --> 00:28:59,038
It's a wonderful institution.

961
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:00,807
I'm just not ready to be

962
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:03,876
institutionalized. Where is she?

963
00:29:03,910 --> 00:29:05,211
Where is my bride?

964
00:29:05,244 --> 00:29:06,913
I'm going to miss her.

965
00:29:13,853 --> 00:29:15,554
>> Hold the curtain, pal.

966
00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,924
Right next to it. There you go.

967
00:29:17,957 --> 00:29:18,557
>> Bring it on down

968
00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:19,225
the other end.

969
00:29:19,258 --> 00:29:20,192
>> Ready music.

970
00:29:20,226 --> 00:29:21,828
>> All right, 10 seconds

971
00:29:21,861 --> 00:29:23,562
to music and announce everyone.

972
00:29:23,595 --> 00:29:27,333
And five, four, three,

973
00:29:27,366 --> 00:29:28,868
two, one.

974
00:29:28,901 --> 00:29:30,803
>> Ladies and gentlemen, Jackie

975
00:29:30,837 --> 00:29:33,205
Gleason presents "Stage Show!"

976
00:29:33,239 --> 00:29:36,008
>> ( music playing )

977
00:29:36,042 --> 00:29:38,878
>> ( applause )

978
00:30:02,034 --> 00:30:03,535
>> And now your host for this

979
00:30:03,569 --> 00:30:07,539
evening, Jackie Gleason!

980
00:30:07,573 --> 00:30:09,075
>> ( cheering )

981
00:30:09,108 --> 00:30:09,976
>> Thank you very much,

982
00:30:10,009 --> 00:30:13,445
everybody! Wow. Thank you.

983
00:30:13,479 --> 00:30:16,082
Oh, how sweet it is!

984
00:30:16,115 --> 00:30:17,516
How about a hand for the June

985
00:30:17,549 --> 00:30:18,885
Taylor Dancers, everybody?

986
00:30:18,918 --> 00:30:21,587
Aren't they marvelous?

987
00:30:21,620 --> 00:30:22,889
Thank you, everybody. Welcome

988
00:30:22,922 --> 00:30:24,356
to "Stage Show." Tonight we have

989
00:30:24,390 --> 00:30:25,591
an immensely talented group

990
00:30:25,624 --> 00:30:27,193
of performers for you tonight.

991
00:30:27,226 --> 00:30:28,427
And for the first time ever,

992
00:30:28,460 --> 00:30:30,496
right after this program, a full

993
00:30:30,529 --> 00:30:31,630
half-hour of "The Honeymooners."

994
00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:32,865
Would you like to see that,

995
00:30:32,899 --> 00:30:33,933
everyone?

996
00:30:33,966 --> 00:30:35,201
>> ( cheering )

997
00:30:35,234 --> 00:30:37,469
>> I knew you would. On with

998
00:30:37,503 --> 00:30:40,639
the show. And away we go!

999
00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:43,209
>> ( music playing )

1000
00:30:45,945 --> 00:30:47,246
>> Oh, look at this. She's got

1001
00:30:47,279 --> 00:30:50,116
her daddy's eyes. Welcome

1002
00:30:50,149 --> 00:30:51,517
to the world, sweetheart.

1003
00:30:51,550 --> 00:30:53,452
>> Isn't she amazing, Jackie?

1004
00:30:53,485 --> 00:30:55,154
>> She's beautiful,

1005
00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:56,355
just beautiful. Look, look,

1006
00:30:56,388 --> 00:30:57,423
look, look, look, look. Look,

1007
00:30:57,456 --> 00:30:58,490
she's staring right at me,

1008
00:30:58,524 --> 00:30:59,658
like she knows me or something.

1009
00:30:59,691 --> 00:31:00,526
>> ( laughs )

1010
00:31:00,559 --> 00:31:02,228
>> It's unbelievable.

1011
00:31:02,261 --> 00:31:03,662
>> This is all I ever wanted.

1012
00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:05,097
>> You know, Jen, for the first

1013
00:31:05,131 --> 00:31:08,500
time in my life, I know what

1014
00:31:08,534 --> 00:31:10,236
a family feels like.

1015
00:31:10,269 --> 00:31:11,337
>> You've made me so happy,

1016
00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:12,604
Jackie.

1017
00:31:12,638 --> 00:31:14,040
>> And you know what I'm going

1018
00:31:14,073 --> 00:31:15,674
to do? I'm going to get as much

1019
00:31:15,707 --> 00:31:17,509
work as I can in the city so I

1020
00:31:17,543 --> 00:31:18,945
won't have to go on the road.

1021
00:31:18,978 --> 00:31:19,979
How do you leave this?

1022
00:31:20,012 --> 00:31:22,048
Look at her. Look at her.

1023
00:31:22,081 --> 00:31:23,482
>> Well, if you do go on the

1024
00:31:23,515 --> 00:31:26,218
road, we'll just come with you.

1025
00:31:26,252 --> 00:31:29,655
>> Absolutely. After all, I got

1026
00:31:29,688 --> 00:31:31,690
to take care of my girls.

1027
00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:34,493
Look at that smile. Huh? See?

1028
00:31:34,526 --> 00:31:35,694
She knows good humor.

1029
00:31:35,727 --> 00:31:37,229
>> I got to tell you something.

1030
00:31:37,263 --> 00:31:39,131
Two days ago--

1031
00:31:39,165 --> 00:31:40,566
No, wait. That wasn't me.

1032
00:31:40,599 --> 00:31:44,370
>> ( laughter )

1033
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:45,604
>> You're a dandy crowd!

1034
00:31:45,637 --> 00:31:47,306
>> Hey, isn't he great?

1035
00:31:47,339 --> 00:31:48,540
>> Look at this guy. Didn't you

1036
00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:49,575
see the sign out there?

1037
00:31:49,608 --> 00:31:50,609
There's an age limit at this

1038
00:31:50,642 --> 00:31:51,710
nightclub, pal. You gotta be

1039
00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:52,578
under 100.

1040
00:31:52,611 --> 00:31:54,246
>> ( laughter )

1041
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:55,948
>> By the way, the Civil War

1042
00:31:55,982 --> 00:31:57,116
called. They found your diary.

1043
00:31:57,149 --> 00:32:00,686
>> ( laughter )

1044
00:32:00,719 --> 00:32:02,154
>> I'm kidding. The cemetery

1045
00:32:02,188 --> 00:32:03,322
called. Your room's ready.

1046
00:32:03,355 --> 00:32:06,692
>> ( laughter )

1047
00:32:06,725 --> 00:32:08,127
>> How you doing, pal? Make you

1048
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,662
feel at home. Wah!

1049
00:32:10,696 --> 00:32:13,132
Wah!

1050
00:32:13,165 --> 00:32:15,434
>> ( laughter )

1051
00:32:15,467 --> 00:32:16,969
>> More embalming fluid

1052
00:32:17,003 --> 00:32:18,470
on this table. Put it on my tab.

1053
00:32:18,504 --> 00:32:20,672
>> ( laughter )

1054
00:32:20,706 --> 00:32:23,075
>> Oh, you're a good crowd!

1055
00:32:23,109 --> 00:32:24,310
A year ago, you didn't even

1056
00:32:24,343 --> 00:32:25,144
want to handle me.

1057
00:32:25,177 --> 00:32:25,711
>> A year ago,

1058
00:32:25,744 --> 00:32:26,645
you weren't that funny.

1059
00:32:26,678 --> 00:32:27,980
>> I should be charging you 15%.

1060
00:32:28,014 --> 00:32:29,415
>> Excuse me. I wonder if I can

1061
00:32:29,448 --> 00:32:30,449
have a word with you?

1062
00:32:30,482 --> 00:32:31,483
>> Now, listen, pal, it's all

1063
00:32:31,517 --> 00:32:32,518
in the fun. That's part

1064
00:32:32,551 --> 00:32:33,652
of the show. Let me get

1065
00:32:33,685 --> 00:32:34,686
my friend a see-through.

1066
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:35,187
>> To go.

1067
00:32:35,221 --> 00:32:35,887
>> To go is good.

1068
00:32:35,921 --> 00:32:37,556
>> No. No, listen, I should be

1069
00:32:37,589 --> 00:32:38,390
buying you a drink.

1070
00:32:38,424 --> 00:32:39,058
>> Please don't.

1071
00:32:39,091 --> 00:32:39,725
>> All right.

1072
00:32:39,758 --> 00:32:40,426
Now you're talking.

1073
00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:41,460
>> I haven't laughed like that

1074
00:32:41,493 --> 00:32:42,128
in a long time.

1075
00:32:42,161 --> 00:32:43,529
>> You got to get out more.

1076
00:32:43,562 --> 00:32:44,163
>> Thanks for dropping by.

1077
00:32:44,196 --> 00:32:45,197
Jackie, we were talking--

1078
00:32:45,231 --> 00:32:45,998
>> Excuse me. I don't

1079
00:32:46,032 --> 00:32:46,632
mean to be intrusive...

1080
00:32:46,665 --> 00:32:47,499
>> Here we go.

1081
00:32:47,533 --> 00:32:48,334
>> ...but I'm out here

1082
00:32:48,367 --> 00:32:49,001
from the Coast.

1083
00:32:49,035 --> 00:32:49,668
>> That's nice.

1084
00:32:49,701 --> 00:32:53,039
>> The name is Warner.

1085
00:32:53,072 --> 00:32:54,673
>> Hiya, Warner. And, who's

1086
00:32:54,706 --> 00:32:56,142
your nurse? Hello, sweetheart.

1087
00:32:56,175 --> 00:32:57,143
>> Wait, wait, wait. Warner?

1088
00:32:57,176 --> 00:32:57,709
>> Looks like they

1089
00:32:57,743 --> 00:32:58,677
poured you into that.

1090
00:32:58,710 --> 00:32:59,378
>> As in Warner Bros.?

1091
00:32:59,411 --> 00:33:01,447
>> Exactly. Just like it says

1092
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:02,681
on the sign over my studio.

1093
00:33:02,714 --> 00:33:05,317
>> Could you wait a minute?

1094
00:33:05,351 --> 00:33:08,554
It's Warner from Warner Bros.

1095
00:33:08,587 --> 00:33:09,655
>> Uh-huh.

1096
00:33:09,688 --> 00:33:11,457
>> Yeah. Bullets Durgom,

1097
00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:12,358
Jackie's manager.

1098
00:33:12,391 --> 00:33:13,192
Nice to meet you.

1099
00:33:13,225 --> 00:33:13,692
>> Oh, "Bullets."

1100
00:33:13,725 --> 00:33:14,526
Interesting name.

1101
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:15,694
>> So, could you get him

1102
00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:16,728
a drink, for crying out loud?

1103
00:33:16,762 --> 00:33:17,763
>> Come on, while we're young.

1104
00:33:17,796 --> 00:33:19,731
>> And which brother are you?

1105
00:33:19,765 --> 00:33:22,034
>> Jack Warner. I'm the brother

1106
00:33:22,068 --> 00:33:23,269
that's going to put your boy

1107
00:33:23,302 --> 00:33:24,470
here in pictures.

1108
00:33:24,503 --> 00:33:25,671
>> The better-looking brother.

1109
00:33:25,704 --> 00:33:27,406
>> No, the smarter one.

1110
00:33:27,439 --> 00:33:28,707
>> There you go.

1111
00:33:28,740 --> 00:33:31,610
Oh, how sweet it is! ( laughs )

1112
00:33:31,643 --> 00:33:32,644
>> Have a seat there, darling.

1113
00:33:32,678 --> 00:33:33,479
>> There you go.

1114
00:33:33,512 --> 00:33:34,180
Here's a drink.

1115
00:33:34,213 --> 00:33:35,181
>> Well, thank you very much.

1116
00:33:35,214 --> 00:33:35,681
I appreciate that.

1117
00:33:35,714 --> 00:33:36,515
>> It's all right.

1118
00:33:36,548 --> 00:33:37,383
>> To pictures.

1119
00:33:37,416 --> 00:33:39,185
>> To pictures it is.

1120
00:33:39,218 --> 00:33:40,619
>> So guess who was in the front

1121
00:33:40,652 --> 00:33:41,653
row of the club last night,

1122
00:33:41,687 --> 00:33:42,721
who I kept grilling. Guess.

1123
00:33:42,754 --> 00:33:43,755
>> Oh, I don't know.

1124
00:33:43,789 --> 00:33:44,423
I don't know.

1125
00:33:44,456 --> 00:33:46,558
>> Jack Warner.

1126
00:33:46,592 --> 00:33:47,259
>> Uh...

1127
00:33:47,293 --> 00:33:48,360
>> One of the Warner brothers.

1128
00:33:48,394 --> 00:33:49,061
>> ( gasps )

1129
00:33:49,095 --> 00:33:50,629
>> That's right. That's right.

1130
00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:51,663
He loved the act. After the

1131
00:33:51,697 --> 00:33:53,099
show, he goes up to Bullets

1132
00:33:53,132 --> 00:33:54,533
and says he wants to put me

1133
00:33:54,566 --> 00:33:55,767
in one of his movies that's

1134
00:33:55,801 --> 00:33:56,702
in production right now.

1135
00:33:56,735 --> 00:33:57,403
>> ( squeals )

1136
00:33:57,436 --> 00:33:58,104
>> Huh? Easy, you're going to

1137
00:33:58,137 --> 00:33:59,738
scare the kid. You're going to--

1138
00:33:59,771 --> 00:34:01,107
don't scare-- did Mommy scare--

1139
00:34:01,140 --> 00:34:02,474
>> Sorry. I'm sorry.

1140
00:34:02,508 --> 00:34:03,642
>> Yes, sweetheart.

1141
00:34:03,675 --> 00:34:04,643
>> Oh, sweetie.

1142
00:34:04,676 --> 00:34:05,777
>> Yeah. Is that unbelievable?

1143
00:34:05,811 --> 00:34:07,713
>> It's amazing. Oh, when do

1144
00:34:07,746 --> 00:34:08,780
we leave?

1145
00:34:08,814 --> 00:34:09,481
>> This kid is amazing.

1146
00:34:09,515 --> 00:34:11,083
She never sleeps. You're just

1147
00:34:11,117 --> 00:34:11,750
like your daddy.

1148
00:34:11,783 --> 00:34:12,318
>> Oh.

1149
00:34:12,351 --> 00:34:13,652
>> You got to go to bed.

1150
00:34:13,685 --> 00:34:14,720
The sun's coming up.

1151
00:34:14,753 --> 00:34:15,387
>> Oh.

1152
00:34:15,421 --> 00:34:15,887
>> Here.

1153
00:34:15,921 --> 00:34:17,123
>> I'll take her.

1154
00:34:17,156 --> 00:34:18,690
>> All right. Okay. I got to get

1155
00:34:18,724 --> 00:34:19,725
all my things in order.

1156
00:34:19,758 --> 00:34:20,826
Jen, this is the biggest thing

1157
00:34:20,859 --> 00:34:22,261
that's ever happened to me. It's

1158
00:34:22,294 --> 00:34:23,329
turning. You feel it turning?

1159
00:34:23,362 --> 00:34:23,829
>> Oh, I do.

1160
00:34:23,862 --> 00:34:24,530
>> It is turning.

1161
00:34:24,563 --> 00:34:27,666
>> It's so great. So how long

1162
00:34:27,699 --> 00:34:28,700
do you think we'll be

1163
00:34:28,734 --> 00:34:29,401
in Los Angeles?

1164
00:34:29,435 --> 00:34:30,102
>> Well, see, that's just the

1165
00:34:30,136 --> 00:34:31,437
thing. You know, it's probably

1166
00:34:31,470 --> 00:34:32,671
just, you know, like a year

1167
00:34:32,704 --> 00:34:34,340
contract, so to uproot everybody

1168
00:34:34,373 --> 00:34:35,674
and go clear across the country

1169
00:34:35,707 --> 00:34:36,642
probably doesn't make sense

1170
00:34:36,675 --> 00:34:38,744
right now.

1171
00:34:38,777 --> 00:34:40,746
>> You aren't going to take us

1172
00:34:40,779 --> 00:34:41,447
with you?

1173
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:42,614
>> Jen, we got to start thinking

1174
00:34:42,648 --> 00:34:44,383
about the kid. I mean, you think

1175
00:34:44,416 --> 00:34:45,651
she's fussy now? Can you imagine

1176
00:34:45,684 --> 00:34:47,286
we all get on a train and go

1177
00:34:47,319 --> 00:34:48,620
clear across to California?

1178
00:34:48,654 --> 00:34:50,122
She'll never sleep. And with

1179
00:34:50,156 --> 00:34:51,157
the time change and everything,

1180
00:34:51,190 --> 00:34:51,823
forget about it.

1181
00:34:51,857 --> 00:34:53,792
>> But I thought you said we

1182
00:34:53,825 --> 00:34:56,762
were going to be a family?

1183
00:34:56,795 --> 00:34:57,663
>> I'm thinking about

1184
00:34:57,696 --> 00:35:00,766
the family.

1185
00:35:00,799 --> 00:35:01,800
>> I just don't understand why

1186
00:35:01,833 --> 00:35:02,834
you would want to leave

1187
00:35:02,868 --> 00:35:04,670
without us.

1188
00:35:04,703 --> 00:35:06,738
>> Jen, it's a picture with

1189
00:35:06,772 --> 00:35:09,441
the Warner brothers. Can't you

1190
00:35:09,475 --> 00:35:12,678
be happy for me? Hmm? Come on,

1191
00:35:12,711 --> 00:35:13,779
two, three pictures a year, I'll

1192
00:35:13,812 --> 00:35:15,414
never have to go on the road

1193
00:35:15,447 --> 00:35:18,317
anymore. You understand?

1194
00:35:18,350 --> 00:35:21,720
>> Yeah. Yeah.

1195
00:35:21,753 --> 00:35:23,622
I understand.

1196
00:35:23,655 --> 00:35:26,292
>> All right, there's my girl.

1197
00:35:26,325 --> 00:35:27,526
All right. Is the blue blazer

1198
00:35:27,559 --> 00:35:28,194
clean?

1199
00:35:28,227 --> 00:35:29,828
>> Mm-hmm.

1200
00:35:29,861 --> 00:35:31,330
>> Where are the beige slacks?

1201
00:35:31,363 --> 00:35:33,432
You said-- okay, here they are.

1202
00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:34,833
Here they are. Did you ever

1203
00:35:34,866 --> 00:35:36,268
think that you would be married

1204
00:35:36,302 --> 00:35:39,705
to a movie star? Huh?

1205
00:35:39,738 --> 00:35:42,374
>> ( laughs )

1206
00:35:42,408 --> 00:35:43,809
>> "Navy Blues," scene seven.

1207
00:35:43,842 --> 00:35:45,877
Apple. Take 16.

1208
00:35:45,911 --> 00:35:48,480
>> And action!

1209
00:35:48,514 --> 00:35:49,815
>> Well, that was a crazy couple

1210
00:35:49,848 --> 00:35:51,717
of days. I've never been seasick

1211
00:35:51,750 --> 00:35:53,719
before. ( laughs ) All right,

1212
00:35:53,752 --> 00:35:55,687
guys, load 'em in there. Go tell

1213
00:35:55,721 --> 00:35:57,389
the fellas that we're ready

1214
00:35:57,423 --> 00:35:57,956
to go!

1215
00:35:57,989 --> 00:35:58,657
>> Cut!

1216
00:35:58,690 --> 00:35:59,625
>> Cut it!

1217
00:35:59,658 --> 00:36:00,659
>> All right. That felt good.

1218
00:36:00,692 --> 00:36:01,493
Did we get it?

1219
00:36:01,527 --> 00:36:02,794
>> No, we didn't get it.

1220
00:36:02,828 --> 00:36:04,630
>> Oh, well, why'd you cut?

1221
00:36:04,663 --> 00:36:05,764
>> Can you not do that stupid

1222
00:36:05,797 --> 00:36:07,933
little dance? Because your line

1223
00:36:07,966 --> 00:36:08,767
cues him.

1224
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:09,635
>> How you doing?

1225
00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:10,669
>> And then you walk out

1226
00:36:10,702 --> 00:36:11,703
of the shot. Let's stick

1227
00:36:11,737 --> 00:36:12,804
to the script.

1228
00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:13,505
>> Okay. I was just trying

1229
00:36:13,539 --> 00:36:14,873
to make it funnier, that's all.

1230
00:36:14,906 --> 00:36:16,408
>> Well, it was funny before we

1231
00:36:16,442 --> 00:36:17,909
hired you. Hmm?

1232
00:36:17,943 --> 00:36:18,977
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa. Chappy,

1233
00:36:19,010 --> 00:36:20,746
what the hell does that mean?

1234
00:36:20,779 --> 00:36:22,214
>> I thought we went through all

1235
00:36:22,248 --> 00:36:23,749
of this yesterday. All right,

1236
00:36:23,782 --> 00:36:24,816
everyone, let's go again.

1237
00:36:24,850 --> 00:36:26,752
>> Excuse me. Look, you know,

1238
00:36:26,785 --> 00:36:27,819
you're doing a big-time picture

1239
00:36:27,853 --> 00:36:28,954
here. If I see the opportunity

1240
00:36:28,987 --> 00:36:30,456
to make it a little funnier,

1241
00:36:30,489 --> 00:36:31,490
what's the problem with that?

1242
00:36:31,523 --> 00:36:32,991
>> You want to play the role

1243
00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:34,893
of Tubby or you don't.

1244
00:36:34,926 --> 00:36:35,561
>> Okay, see, now that's

1245
00:36:35,594 --> 00:36:36,995
the other thing. I feel that

1246
00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:38,430
the name of the character is

1247
00:36:38,464 --> 00:36:38,897
just a little--

1248
00:36:38,930 --> 00:36:41,733
>> Accurate?

1249
00:36:41,767 --> 00:36:42,934
>> See, now that's the kind

1250
00:36:42,968 --> 00:36:43,969
of humor you can use

1251
00:36:44,002 --> 00:36:45,003
in your directing.

1252
00:36:45,036 --> 00:36:45,704
>> That's lunch, everyone.

1253
00:36:45,737 --> 00:36:47,639
One hour. We'll be back at 2:00.

1254
00:36:47,673 --> 00:36:48,674
>> You want to see funny?

1255
00:36:48,707 --> 00:36:49,541
>> Gleason.

1256
00:36:49,575 --> 00:36:50,709
>> You want to see funny?

1257
00:36:50,742 --> 00:36:52,678
>> Back at 2:00! Back at 2:00!

1258
00:36:52,711 --> 00:36:53,812
>> Yeah, everybody take an hour.

1259
00:36:53,845 --> 00:36:55,381
>> Yeah, you take a long lunch,

1260
00:36:55,414 --> 00:36:56,782
Gleason. Come to think of it,

1261
00:36:56,815 --> 00:36:58,016
take the day off. We'll see you

1262
00:36:58,049 --> 00:36:58,984
tomorrow. Take a bath.

1263
00:36:59,017 --> 00:36:59,851
Cool off.

1264
00:36:59,885 --> 00:37:01,520
>> You're not funny.

1265
00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:02,921
>> You get me Jack Warner

1266
00:37:02,954 --> 00:37:04,323
on the horn.

1267
00:37:59,711 --> 00:38:00,979
>> You just couldn't stop,

1268
00:38:01,012 --> 00:38:02,414
could you?

1269
00:38:06,852 --> 00:38:09,321
>> ( telephone rings )

1270
00:38:12,824 --> 00:38:15,694
( telephone rings )

1271
00:38:18,564 --> 00:38:20,366
( telephone rings )

1272
00:38:20,399 --> 00:38:21,567
>> Yeah?

1273
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,735
>> Hi. Finally. I haven't heard

1274
00:38:23,769 --> 00:38:24,803
from you in five days.

1275
00:38:24,836 --> 00:38:26,772
How's it going?

1276
00:38:26,805 --> 00:38:27,906
>> I got canned, Jen. Okay?

1277
00:38:27,939 --> 00:38:29,441
>> ( crying )

1278
00:38:29,475 --> 00:38:30,476
>> What?

1279
00:38:30,509 --> 00:38:33,011
>> I got fired. The damn

1280
00:38:33,044 --> 00:38:34,980
director, he wouldn't let me

1281
00:38:35,013 --> 00:38:36,848
make it funny. The writing was

1282
00:38:36,882 --> 00:38:39,651
horrible, okay? And--

1283
00:38:39,685 --> 00:38:40,752
>> ( crying )

1284
00:38:40,786 --> 00:38:41,987
>> Could you try to get the kid

1285
00:38:42,020 --> 00:38:43,622
to be quiet so I can have

1286
00:38:43,655 --> 00:38:44,656
a minute with you here?

1287
00:38:44,690 --> 00:38:45,991
>> You need to come home,

1288
00:38:46,024 --> 00:38:46,758
Jackie.

1289
00:38:46,792 --> 00:38:47,793
>> ( wailing )

1290
00:38:47,826 --> 00:38:49,428
>> We need you here with us.

1291
00:38:49,461 --> 00:38:50,696
>> Can you believe they did this

1292
00:38:50,729 --> 00:38:52,731
to me? They're telling me what's

1293
00:38:52,764 --> 00:38:55,867
funny. Can you believe that?

1294
00:38:55,901 --> 00:38:57,669
I just wanted to make it better.

1295
00:38:57,703 --> 00:38:58,770
You know me.

1296
00:38:58,804 --> 00:39:02,808
>> Hey, Jackie, I'm pregnant.

1297
00:39:07,145 --> 00:39:11,116
Jackie, are you there?

1298
00:39:11,149 --> 00:39:13,018
Are you happy?

1299
00:39:13,051 --> 00:39:14,586
>> Yeah, why not?

1300
00:39:14,620 --> 00:39:15,654
Of course, baby.

1301
00:39:15,687 --> 00:39:17,456
>> We miss you, Jackie.

1302
00:39:56,762 --> 00:39:57,763
>> We haven't seen nor heard

1303
00:39:57,796 --> 00:39:58,797
from him for the past

1304
00:39:58,830 --> 00:40:00,732
three days. ( screams )

1305
00:40:00,766 --> 00:40:02,934
>> Excuse me.

1306
00:40:02,968 --> 00:40:05,170
>> Shall I call an ambulance?

1307
00:40:05,203 --> 00:40:06,905
>> This guy's dead. He needs

1308
00:40:06,938 --> 00:40:08,474
a priest.

1309
00:40:08,507 --> 00:40:09,575
>> I got here as quickly

1310
00:40:09,608 --> 00:40:10,942
as I could.

1311
00:40:10,976 --> 00:40:12,778
>> What a waste, huh, Father?

1312
00:40:12,811 --> 00:40:15,981
>> Not really. Actually,

1313
00:40:16,014 --> 00:40:18,717
he wasn't that funny, at least

1314
00:40:18,750 --> 00:40:20,018
not in my movies.

1315
00:40:32,564 --> 00:40:36,535
>> ( vomits )

1316
00:40:36,568 --> 00:40:39,771
>> ( flushing )

1317
00:40:39,805 --> 00:40:41,807
>> ( coughs )

1318
00:41:01,126 --> 00:41:02,661
No, no, no. Why would you

1319
00:41:02,694 --> 00:41:03,829
do that?

1320
00:41:03,862 --> 00:41:04,863
>> How much longer are you going

1321
00:41:04,896 --> 00:41:05,897
to make us live like

1322
00:41:05,931 --> 00:41:06,765
this, Jackie?

1323
00:41:06,798 --> 00:41:07,866
>> I don't want to hear it

1324
00:41:07,899 --> 00:41:08,534
right now, Jen.

1325
00:41:08,567 --> 00:41:09,768
>> You've been like this for

1326
00:41:09,801 --> 00:41:12,504
two months. Look what I got.

1327
00:41:12,538 --> 00:41:13,672
You know what this is?

1328
00:41:13,705 --> 00:41:14,906
It's the final notice for our

1329
00:41:14,940 --> 00:41:16,107
electricity. They're turning it

1330
00:41:16,141 --> 00:41:20,078
off. We have a baby, Jackie.

1331
00:41:20,111 --> 00:41:22,080
We have no savings. When are

1332
00:41:22,113 --> 00:41:24,550
you going to come out of hiding?

1333
00:41:24,583 --> 00:41:26,685
What do you expect us to do?

1334
00:41:26,718 --> 00:41:28,086
>> Why don't you take the kid

1335
00:41:28,119 --> 00:41:30,055
and go move in with your folks

1336
00:41:30,088 --> 00:41:32,758
till I can figure it out?

1337
00:41:32,791 --> 00:41:34,259
>> How about instead of us

1338
00:41:34,292 --> 00:41:37,563
leaving, you come back?

1339
00:41:37,596 --> 00:41:39,898
>> ( knock on door )

1340
00:41:39,931 --> 00:41:41,733
>> Don't get it, Jen. I need two

1341
00:41:41,767 --> 00:41:43,969
more days. I need two more days!

1342
00:41:44,002 --> 00:41:46,171
( slams table )

1343
00:41:46,204 --> 00:41:47,205
>> You realize your phone

1344
00:41:47,238 --> 00:41:48,239
doesn't work. I haven't heard

1345
00:41:48,273 --> 00:41:49,908
from him in three weeks. How are

1346
00:41:49,941 --> 00:41:51,777
you? You all right? Huh? Okay.

1347
00:41:51,810 --> 00:41:54,813
Where is he? Is he--

1348
00:41:54,846 --> 00:41:56,081
( laughs ) I knew it.

1349
00:41:59,718 --> 00:42:02,754
Okay.

1350
00:42:02,788 --> 00:42:03,421
>> What do you want?

1351
00:42:03,454 --> 00:42:04,723
>> Ready to go back to work?

1352
00:42:04,756 --> 00:42:06,157
>> How many times I got to tell

1353
00:42:06,191 --> 00:42:07,659
you, I don't want to do

1354
00:42:07,693 --> 00:42:08,226
the clubs anymore.

1355
00:42:08,259 --> 00:42:08,927
>> Did I say, "clubs"?

1356
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:10,195
Did the word "clubs" come out

1357
00:42:10,228 --> 00:42:11,730
of my mouth? I didn't say

1358
00:42:11,763 --> 00:42:12,430
"clubs." I'm talking about

1359
00:42:12,463 --> 00:42:13,799
Broadway. I got you something on

1360
00:42:13,832 --> 00:42:16,301
Broadway, kid. Huh? Huh? It's a

1361
00:42:16,334 --> 00:42:17,736
big street in the middle of

1362
00:42:17,769 --> 00:42:18,970
town, Jackie. It's got a lot of

1363
00:42:19,004 --> 00:42:20,338
lights, theaters. The Broadhurst

1364
00:42:20,371 --> 00:42:21,039
Theatre, they're rehearsing

1365
00:42:21,072 --> 00:42:22,774
something right now. I talked

1366
00:42:22,808 --> 00:42:24,209
to the director. He loves you.

1367
00:42:24,242 --> 00:42:26,011
Jackie, he loves you. He's a big

1368
00:42:26,044 --> 00:42:26,845
fan. Come on.

1369
00:42:26,878 --> 00:42:27,512
>> I can't do Broadway

1370
00:42:27,545 --> 00:42:28,914
right now. I'm going to have

1371
00:42:28,947 --> 00:42:29,581
to wait on that.

1372
00:42:31,750 --> 00:42:32,751
>> I'm going to tell him you're

1373
00:42:32,784 --> 00:42:33,785
starting 9:00 tomorrow morning.

1374
00:42:33,819 --> 00:42:34,820
>> You're not gonna tell me

1375
00:42:34,853 --> 00:42:35,453
when I'm gonna start.

1376
00:42:35,486 --> 00:42:36,688
I'm not doing it tomorrow.

1377
00:42:36,722 --> 00:42:37,723
>> I'm doing you a favor.

1378
00:42:37,756 --> 00:42:38,757
I'm not listening to you,

1379
00:42:38,790 --> 00:42:39,591
all right? 9:00 tomorrow

1380
00:42:39,625 --> 00:42:40,759
morning or never.

1381
00:42:41,993 --> 00:42:42,928
Look...

1382
00:42:45,931 --> 00:42:47,032
...take a little break from

1383
00:42:47,065 --> 00:42:50,201
the booze, will you? Huh? Okay.

1384
00:42:50,235 --> 00:42:51,970
Here. Take it.

1385
00:42:53,839 --> 00:42:55,974
Jen. And what I'd like you

1386
00:42:56,007 --> 00:42:57,809
to do, honey, could you do me a

1387
00:42:57,843 --> 00:42:58,844
favor? Could you turn the phone

1388
00:42:58,877 --> 00:43:00,612
back on? Because I am not going

1389
00:43:00,646 --> 00:43:01,847
to come here every time I want

1390
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:04,616
to talk to you. Take it. I got

1391
00:43:04,650 --> 00:43:07,853
other clients, all right? 9:00.

1392
00:43:10,288 --> 00:43:11,823
>> You believe him?

1393
00:43:26,237 --> 00:43:28,373
>> It's a whimsical collage

1394
00:43:28,406 --> 00:43:30,742
of music and comedy sketches.

1395
00:43:30,776 --> 00:43:31,442
>> Uh-huh.

1396
00:43:31,476 --> 00:43:33,779
>> And I want you to bring your

1397
00:43:33,812 --> 00:43:35,313
wonderful sense of wit and

1398
00:43:35,346 --> 00:43:37,816
whimsy to the production. I want

1399
00:43:37,849 --> 00:43:41,820
you to bring Jackie Gleason

1400
00:43:41,853 --> 00:43:43,388
to the role.

1401
00:43:43,421 --> 00:43:45,123
>> You have a script?

1402
00:43:45,156 --> 00:43:47,058
>> Jackie-- may I call you

1403
00:43:47,092 --> 00:43:48,827
Jackie? The character doesn't

1404
00:43:48,860 --> 00:43:51,963
actually exist as yet. I want

1405
00:43:51,997 --> 00:43:55,967
you to create it. Hmm?

1406
00:43:56,001 --> 00:43:57,736
>> I like that.

1407
00:43:57,769 --> 00:43:58,704
>> I thought you might. Yes.

1408
00:43:58,737 --> 00:44:00,271
What we'll do is we'll improvise

1409
00:44:00,305 --> 00:44:01,740
during rehearsals, and then

1410
00:44:01,773 --> 00:44:02,874
we'll just keep the bits that

1411
00:44:02,908 --> 00:44:04,275
truly tickle our collective

1412
00:44:04,309 --> 00:44:06,377
funny bone.

1413
00:44:06,411 --> 00:44:09,180
>> Okay.

1414
00:44:09,214 --> 00:44:12,050
>> I smell smash, Jackie.

1415
00:44:12,083 --> 00:44:13,051
( laughs )

1416
00:44:13,084 --> 00:44:13,785
>> Sit down.

1417
00:44:13,819 --> 00:44:14,686
>> All right.

1418
00:44:14,720 --> 00:44:15,721
>> Before you fly away.

1419
00:44:15,754 --> 00:44:16,387
>> ( laughs )

1420
00:44:16,421 --> 00:44:17,255
>> ( laughs )

1421
00:44:21,159 --> 00:44:23,862
>> ( moaning )

1422
00:44:27,833 --> 00:44:30,936
>> ( pop )

1423
00:44:30,969 --> 00:44:32,003
>> Oh!

1424
00:44:41,146 --> 00:44:43,782
>> ( laughter )

1425
00:44:43,815 --> 00:44:45,483
>> Good afternoon, gentlemen.

1426
00:44:45,516 --> 00:44:46,952
Always remember, nonmembers

1427
00:44:46,985 --> 00:44:49,888
play on Tuesday.

1428
00:44:49,921 --> 00:44:51,389
>> ( drum boings )

1429
00:44:51,422 --> 00:44:55,393
>> Mmm. Smooth! Let's go, pick

1430
00:44:55,426 --> 00:44:57,929
another bunker. Better yet, get

1431
00:44:57,963 --> 00:44:59,731
yourself a couple snow cones.

1432
00:44:59,765 --> 00:45:01,099
Mush, gentlemen. Mush.

1433
00:45:01,132 --> 00:45:03,034
You're in my light. Mush!

1434
00:45:03,068 --> 00:45:04,169
>> Oh.

1435
00:45:04,202 --> 00:45:05,403
>> Seven iron, my dear.

1436
00:45:05,436 --> 00:45:06,905
Oh, you're a good one. You have

1437
00:45:06,938 --> 00:45:08,774
the eye of an eagle and the tail

1438
00:45:08,807 --> 00:45:10,275
of a puppy. Mmm. You're going

1439
00:45:10,308 --> 00:45:11,910
to make it hard to keep my head

1440
00:45:11,943 --> 00:45:15,046
down. Wah! All right, darling,

1441
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:18,216
remember to yell, "Fore."

1442
00:45:18,249 --> 00:45:21,987
Make that two. Mmm.

1443
00:45:22,020 --> 00:45:23,088
>> Two!

1444
00:45:23,121 --> 00:45:25,523
>> Whoa! It's a beauty!

1445
00:45:25,556 --> 00:45:28,860
Oh, is it a beauty! Oh, my!

1446
00:45:28,894 --> 00:45:29,795
>> Yes, he's back.

1447
00:45:29,828 --> 00:45:30,461
>> Marvelous. Absolutely.

1448
00:45:30,495 --> 00:45:31,496
>> If you leave him alone,

1449
00:45:31,529 --> 00:45:32,197
he's great.

1450
00:45:32,230 --> 00:45:33,398
>> Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I know

1451
00:45:33,431 --> 00:45:34,232
that. I know that.

1452
00:45:34,265 --> 00:45:34,933
>> Mmm, I could see

1453
00:45:34,966 --> 00:45:36,501
the clubhouse. I believe they're

1454
00:45:36,534 --> 00:45:39,805
open for lunch. Mush, darling.

1455
00:45:39,838 --> 00:45:43,108
Mush. Mmm. Did I tell you

1456
00:45:43,141 --> 00:45:45,176
the wife had a nasty fall?

1457
00:45:45,210 --> 00:45:46,177
>> ( laughter )

1458
00:45:46,211 --> 00:45:47,145
>> I can't believe these

1459
00:45:47,178 --> 00:45:48,346
reviews. Crawford usually

1460
00:45:48,379 --> 00:45:51,049
hates everybody. ( laughs )

1461
00:45:51,082 --> 00:45:52,818
Listen to this. "Rising new

1462
00:45:52,851 --> 00:45:54,519
comic, Jackie Gleason."

1463
00:45:54,552 --> 00:45:55,787
>> ( crying )

1464
00:45:55,821 --> 00:45:56,487
>> Okay, come on.

1465
00:45:56,521 --> 00:45:57,823
>> He spelled "Gleason" wrong.

1466
00:45:57,856 --> 00:46:00,125
>> That's great, honey. Hi.

1467
00:46:00,158 --> 00:46:01,159
All right, let's go take

1468
00:46:01,192 --> 00:46:02,894
our baths.

1469
00:46:02,928 --> 00:46:04,295
>> What do you mean baths?

1470
00:46:04,329 --> 00:46:05,330
Daddy's going to sit here

1471
00:46:05,363 --> 00:46:05,997
and eat alone?

1472
00:46:06,031 --> 00:46:07,098
>> Well, Daddy was two hours

1473
00:46:07,132 --> 00:46:08,133
late for dinner, wasn't he?

1474
00:46:08,166 --> 00:46:09,000
>> That's because Daddy

1475
00:46:09,034 --> 00:46:09,968
had rehearsal.

1476
00:46:10,001 --> 00:46:11,369
>> Hey, maybe Daddy will give

1477
00:46:11,402 --> 00:46:12,037
you a bath tonight.

1478
00:46:12,070 --> 00:46:13,438
>> "Jackie Gleason, the new

1479
00:46:13,471 --> 00:46:15,874
leading man in a long--"

1480
00:46:15,907 --> 00:46:17,575
( laughs ) Leading man?

1481
00:46:17,608 --> 00:46:19,444
When did I become a leading man?

1482
00:46:19,477 --> 00:46:20,578
Maybe I should try being

1483
00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:22,480
a leading man. Jen, you think

1484
00:46:22,513 --> 00:46:23,514
I should be a leading man?

1485
00:46:23,548 --> 00:46:25,250
>> I really wouldn't know.

1486
00:46:25,283 --> 00:46:26,117
>> That's right. You wouldn't

1487
00:46:26,151 --> 00:46:27,118
know, would you?

1488
00:46:27,152 --> 00:46:27,785
>> I don't wanna!

1489
00:46:27,819 --> 00:46:29,154
>> Maybe you could try being

1490
00:46:29,187 --> 00:46:30,455
a father and a husband.

1491
00:46:30,488 --> 00:46:32,858
>> What the hell does that mean?

1492
00:46:32,891 --> 00:46:34,826
Hmm? I'm not a husband and

1493
00:46:34,860 --> 00:46:36,061
a father? What do you think all

1494
00:46:36,094 --> 00:46:39,197
this is, hmm? Magic? Oh,

1495
00:46:39,230 --> 00:46:40,398
that's really great. Why don't

1496
00:46:40,431 --> 00:46:41,967
you try being a wife?

1497
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:42,934
>> A wife? You don't

1498
00:46:42,968 --> 00:46:43,601
want a wife.

1499
00:46:43,634 --> 00:46:44,302
>> Here we go.

1500
00:46:44,335 --> 00:46:45,937
>> You want a maid and a mother.

1501
00:46:45,971 --> 00:46:47,405
Well, I am tired of being your

1502
00:46:47,438 --> 00:46:49,274
maid, and I am certainly not

1503
00:46:49,307 --> 00:46:51,442
going to be your mother.

1504
00:46:51,476 --> 00:46:53,378
>> I'd give you that.

1505
00:46:53,411 --> 00:46:54,980
>> ( crying )

1506
00:46:55,013 --> 00:46:56,514
>> Do you want to hear about

1507
00:46:56,547 --> 00:46:58,316
Daddy's review along Fifth

1508
00:46:58,349 --> 00:47:00,485
Avenue? How he's making 'em

1509
00:47:00,518 --> 00:47:02,487
laugh at-- what does the "Great

1510
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:04,155
White Way" mean?

1511
00:48:04,682 --> 00:48:05,650
>> Just let her settle down,

1512
00:48:05,683 --> 00:48:07,953
Jackie. It'll get better.

1513
00:48:07,986 --> 00:48:09,254
>> That's easy for you to say.

1514
00:48:09,287 --> 00:48:10,188
You're happily married.

1515
00:48:10,221 --> 00:48:12,657
You're a Martian.

1516
00:48:12,690 --> 00:48:13,959
Merry Christmas, pal.

1517
00:48:13,992 --> 00:48:14,592
>> Jackie.

1518
00:48:14,625 --> 00:48:17,929
>> ( radio playing music )

1519
00:48:19,564 --> 00:48:21,466
>> ( laughs ) Jackie, this is

1520
00:48:21,499 --> 00:48:22,167
some watch.

1521
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:23,534
>> It's not some watch. It's a

1522
00:48:23,568 --> 00:48:25,303
Wittnauer. It's automatic.

1523
00:48:25,336 --> 00:48:26,571
You don't have to wind it.

1524
00:48:26,604 --> 00:48:27,605
>> You're kidding. I got

1525
00:48:27,638 --> 00:48:28,639
a present for you out back.

1526
00:48:28,673 --> 00:48:29,674
>> Finally. What's the point

1527
00:48:29,707 --> 00:48:31,109
of having a phone if you're not

1528
00:48:31,142 --> 00:48:31,943
there to answer it?

1529
00:48:31,977 --> 00:48:32,643
>> Look what I got.

1530
00:48:32,677 --> 00:48:34,212
>> Ah, you got one too? I got

1531
00:48:34,245 --> 00:48:35,446
three of them. He's a regular

1532
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:36,447
Santa Claus. Hey, big shot,

1533
00:48:36,481 --> 00:48:37,482
remember when you told me

1534
00:48:37,515 --> 00:48:38,149
Broadway would never amount

1535
00:48:38,183 --> 00:48:38,849
to anything? Remember that?

1536
00:48:38,883 --> 00:48:40,585
>> Did I say that? I must have

1537
00:48:40,618 --> 00:48:41,252
been sober.

1538
00:48:41,286 --> 00:48:42,387
>> What does this word mean

1539
00:48:42,420 --> 00:48:45,423
to you? "Television."

1540
00:48:45,456 --> 00:48:47,558
>> Berle. Skelton. Benny.

1541
00:48:47,592 --> 00:48:50,461
>> Jackie, we have got an offer.

1542
00:48:50,495 --> 00:48:52,030
Look at me. An offer to do

1543
00:48:52,063 --> 00:48:52,697
television. You're going

1544
00:48:52,730 --> 00:48:53,531
to host a variety show

1545
00:48:53,564 --> 00:48:55,566
on the DuMont Network.

1546
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:56,401
Huh? "Cavalcade of Stars."

1547
00:48:56,434 --> 00:48:57,102
>> Gentlemen.

1548
00:48:57,135 --> 00:48:58,303
>> What kind of title is that?

1549
00:48:58,336 --> 00:48:59,670
>> Did you hear what I had

1550
00:48:59,704 --> 00:49:01,372
to say to you? This is an offer

1551
00:49:01,406 --> 00:49:01,939
to do television.

1552
00:49:01,973 --> 00:49:02,740
>> I don't know about

1553
00:49:02,773 --> 00:49:03,608
the DuMont Network.

1554
00:49:03,641 --> 00:49:04,675
>> Jackie, this is your

1555
00:49:04,709 --> 00:49:05,410
Christmas present.

1556
00:49:05,443 --> 00:49:06,144
>> What is it?

1557
00:49:06,177 --> 00:49:06,844
>> And by the way,

1558
00:49:06,877 --> 00:49:09,580
she's automatic. You don't have

1559
00:49:09,614 --> 00:49:11,482
to wind her up. Merry Christmas.

1560
00:49:11,516 --> 00:49:12,650
>> Ho ho ho.

1561
00:49:12,683 --> 00:49:15,053
>> Mmm. Well, yes, yes, yes.

1562
00:49:15,086 --> 00:49:16,521
Now, how am I supposed to get

1563
00:49:16,554 --> 00:49:17,555
you down my chimney?

1564
00:49:17,588 --> 00:49:18,589
>> Are we going to have

1565
00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:19,624
this conversation or not?

1566
00:49:19,657 --> 00:49:20,558
>> Have you met my elf?

1567
00:49:20,591 --> 00:49:21,459
>> No.

1568
00:49:21,492 --> 00:49:22,560
>> After you.

1569
00:49:22,593 --> 00:49:23,128
>> We--

1570
00:49:23,161 --> 00:49:24,229
>> Back to the workshop.

1571
00:49:24,262 --> 00:49:26,697
Make toys. Toys, my boy.

1572
00:49:26,731 --> 00:49:27,698
>> Jackie, we're talking about

1573
00:49:27,732 --> 00:49:29,167
this. Hey. Hey! Listen to me!

1574
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:30,201
>> Listen how his shoes jingle.

1575
00:49:30,235 --> 00:49:32,070
It's a fun place, but you don't

1576
00:49:32,103 --> 00:49:33,304
want to eat here. Let's go.

1577
00:49:33,338 --> 00:49:34,339
>> No. We're going to have

1578
00:49:34,372 --> 00:49:34,905
this conversation now.

1579
00:49:34,939 --> 00:49:35,640
>> We'll do it tomorrow.

1580
00:49:35,673 --> 00:49:36,507
Take it easy.

1581
00:49:36,541 --> 00:49:37,342
>> We're doing it now.

1582
00:49:37,375 --> 00:49:37,842
It's too important.

1583
00:49:37,875 --> 00:49:38,509
>> No, we're fine.

1584
00:49:38,543 --> 00:49:39,710
>> Would you wait a minute?

1585
00:49:39,744 --> 00:49:40,411
>> You're crushing the hat!

1586
00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:41,579
>> I'm falling down on the ice.

1587
00:49:41,612 --> 00:49:42,613
Can you stand over here

1588
00:49:42,647 --> 00:49:43,481
for a minute?

1589
00:49:43,514 --> 00:49:44,115
>> What are you doing?

1590
00:49:44,149 --> 00:49:45,550
>> I need to talk to you.

1591
00:49:45,583 --> 00:49:46,384
What are you doing?

1592
00:49:46,417 --> 00:49:47,418
>> He's not a well man.

1593
00:49:47,452 --> 00:49:48,053
>> What are you doing?

1594
00:49:48,086 --> 00:49:49,487
You have a wife and kids,

1595
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:50,055
don't you? Huh?

1596
00:49:50,088 --> 00:49:50,721
>> It's the holidays.

1597
00:49:50,755 --> 00:49:51,422
>> All right, listen to me.

1598
00:49:51,456 --> 00:49:52,123
This television show is live.

1599
00:49:52,157 --> 00:49:54,292
No director is going to be able

1600
00:49:54,325 --> 00:49:54,925
to cut your gags.

1601
00:49:54,959 --> 00:49:56,227
>> All right, well, look,

1602
00:49:56,261 --> 00:49:57,262
let me think about it.

1603
00:49:57,295 --> 00:49:57,728
What's the dough?

1604
00:49:57,762 --> 00:49:58,429
>> 600 a week.

1605
00:49:58,463 --> 00:50:00,031
>> I'm not doing it for $600.

1606
00:50:00,065 --> 00:50:00,731
>> All right.

1607
00:50:00,765 --> 00:50:02,033
>> What kind of manager are you?

1608
00:50:02,067 --> 00:50:03,068
>> You're right. You don't need

1609
00:50:03,101 --> 00:50:04,102
the exposure. You just stay

1610
00:50:04,135 --> 00:50:05,336
with a small audience. It's 600

1611
00:50:05,370 --> 00:50:06,671
a week to start. All right?

1612
00:50:06,704 --> 00:50:07,338
>> What does "cavalcade"

1613
00:50:07,372 --> 00:50:07,805
mean, anyway?

1614
00:50:07,838 --> 00:50:08,673
>> Listen to me.

1615
00:50:08,706 --> 00:50:09,507
>> It's a two-week trial.

1616
00:50:09,540 --> 00:50:10,175
>> Uh-huh.

1617
00:50:10,208 --> 00:50:11,609
>> If you hit it out of the

1618
00:50:11,642 --> 00:50:12,643
park, the sky is the limit.

1619
00:50:12,677 --> 00:50:14,379
You know what? I already said

1620
00:50:14,412 --> 00:50:15,680
yes, okay? Merry Christmas.

1621
00:50:15,713 --> 00:50:17,382
Hey, you're welcome.

1622
00:50:17,415 --> 00:50:18,383
>> You do not have

1623
00:50:18,416 --> 00:50:19,650
the power to...

1624
00:50:23,488 --> 00:50:25,323
Can you believe this guy?

1625
00:50:25,356 --> 00:50:27,392
I'm telling you, he's a madman.

1626
00:50:27,425 --> 00:50:30,128
You have a friend for him?

1627
00:50:30,161 --> 00:50:31,429
Now, this is beautiful.

1628
00:50:31,462 --> 00:50:33,631
This is beautiful. This is what

1629
00:50:33,664 --> 00:50:34,799
it's about.

1630
00:50:34,832 --> 00:50:37,402
>> ( song playing )

1631
00:50:37,435 --> 00:50:40,205
>> Whoa.

1632
00:50:40,238 --> 00:50:42,673
>> * I'm thinking of ways

1633
00:50:42,707 --> 00:50:45,543
* To prove that I love you

1634
00:50:45,576 --> 00:50:48,546
* Oh, I've got so much more

1635
00:50:48,579 --> 00:50:51,849
* Important things to do.

1636
00:50:51,882 --> 00:50:53,651
>> Coming in and dip back. Ooh.

1637
00:50:54,885 --> 00:50:56,621
>> The Druggist Association of

1638
00:50:56,654 --> 00:50:58,223
America presents The DuMont

1639
00:50:58,256 --> 00:51:00,325
Network's "Cavalcade of Stars,"

1640
00:51:00,358 --> 00:51:01,559
starring your host, Jackie

1641
00:51:01,592 --> 00:51:03,561
Gleason, with the June Taylor

1642
00:51:03,594 --> 00:51:05,196
Dancers. And now,

1643
00:51:05,230 --> 00:51:07,732
here's Jackie Gleason!

1644
00:51:07,765 --> 00:51:10,701
>> ( applause )

1645
00:51:10,735 --> 00:51:14,239
>> Whoa! Thank you, everybody.

1646
00:51:14,272 --> 00:51:15,673
Welcome to "Cavalcade of Stars."

1647
00:51:15,706 --> 00:51:17,875
I'm Jackie Gleason. As the cow

1648
00:51:17,908 --> 00:51:19,344
said to the farmer, "Thanks for

1649
00:51:19,377 --> 00:51:20,278
the warm hand."

1650
00:51:20,311 --> 00:51:21,679
>> ( laughter )

1651
00:51:21,712 --> 00:51:23,114
>> I think it's time to put that

1652
00:51:23,148 --> 00:51:25,216
joke out to pasture. You know, I

1653
00:51:25,250 --> 00:51:26,651
got to tell you, backstage I met

1654
00:51:26,684 --> 00:51:27,718
a gal with a million-dollar

1655
00:51:27,752 --> 00:51:29,687
smile. She'd only smile at guys

1656
00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:30,821
that had a million dollars.

1657
00:51:30,855 --> 00:51:31,722
>> ( laughter )

1658
00:51:31,756 --> 00:51:33,691
>> Girls, that's your cue.

1659
00:51:38,696 --> 00:51:39,764
>> Tonight's show is brought

1660
00:51:39,797 --> 00:51:41,166
to you by Gleam-O-Dent with

1661
00:51:41,199 --> 00:51:42,767
phosphoryl, in peppermint...

1662
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:43,734
>> And spearmint.

1663
00:51:43,768 --> 00:51:45,370
>> Mmm, girls, do you want

1664
00:51:45,403 --> 00:51:47,705
to get paid?

1665
00:51:47,738 --> 00:51:49,840
Yow! Oh, they're a good one.

1666
00:51:49,874 --> 00:51:53,178
Give 'em a hand. Makes you want

1667
00:51:53,211 --> 00:51:55,380
to brush between meals. Ooh!

1668
00:51:55,413 --> 00:51:56,747
You're in for a real treat

1669
00:51:56,781 --> 00:51:57,782
tonight. Thanks for staying

1670
00:51:57,815 --> 00:51:59,384
tuned to "Cavalcade."

1671
00:51:59,417 --> 00:52:01,652
Sammy, a little traveling music?

1672
00:52:01,686 --> 00:52:04,389
>> ( bouncy tune playing )

1673
00:52:10,595 --> 00:52:11,496
>> ( laughter )

1674
00:52:11,529 --> 00:52:13,564
>> Oh!

1675
00:52:18,436 --> 00:52:20,805
Hah! Hah! Hah! Thanks for tuning

1676
00:52:20,838 --> 00:52:22,607
in to "Cavalcade!" On with

1677
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,610
the show, and away we go!

1678
00:52:25,643 --> 00:52:28,313
>> ( show theme playing )

1679
00:52:28,346 --> 00:52:29,947
>> Whoa!

1680
00:52:29,980 --> 00:52:31,449
Who okayed these costumes?

1681
00:52:31,482 --> 00:52:32,550
>> Keely Smith has one song.

1682
00:52:32,583 --> 00:52:33,584
>> I know that. I booked her.

1683
00:52:33,618 --> 00:52:34,619
>> Then you do the Reggie

1684
00:52:34,652 --> 00:52:36,521
sketch. And your manager is

1685
00:52:36,554 --> 00:52:37,188
in your room.

1686
00:52:37,222 --> 00:52:38,289
>> Wonderful.

1687
00:52:41,692 --> 00:52:42,493
>> Willy, what is that?

1688
00:52:42,527 --> 00:52:43,761
A scotch? Water it down.

1689
00:52:43,794 --> 00:52:46,797
Water it down. All good!

1690
00:52:46,831 --> 00:52:49,300
Opening monologue, hilarious!

1691
00:52:49,334 --> 00:52:49,934
I was standing there.

1692
00:52:49,967 --> 00:52:50,968
I almost pissed my pants.

1693
00:52:51,001 --> 00:52:52,203
>> You think I pay you

1694
00:52:52,237 --> 00:52:52,903
to kiss my ass?

1695
00:52:52,937 --> 00:52:53,871
>> What are you talking about?

1696
00:52:53,904 --> 00:52:55,706
>> Do I pay you to kiss my ass?

1697
00:52:55,740 --> 00:52:56,407
>> It was funny.

1698
00:52:56,441 --> 00:52:57,842
>> What did you hear out there?

1699
00:52:57,875 --> 00:52:58,876
>> There were laughs out there.

1700
00:52:58,909 --> 00:53:00,311
>> What did you hear? You want

1701
00:53:00,345 --> 00:53:01,679
to know what I heard? Crickets!

1702
00:53:01,712 --> 00:53:02,680
>> You're right. It could

1703
00:53:02,713 --> 00:53:03,314
be a little better.

1704
00:53:03,348 --> 00:53:04,549
>> What the hell is that?

1705
00:53:04,582 --> 00:53:05,583
>> Huh? I'll talk to 'em.

1706
00:53:05,616 --> 00:53:06,150
>> Mr. Gleason.

1707
00:53:06,183 --> 00:53:06,951
>> Let's go. Let's go.

1708
00:53:06,984 --> 00:53:07,985
>> I'll get the writers.

1709
00:53:08,018 --> 00:53:10,221
>> Get the writers. All right.

1710
00:53:10,255 --> 00:53:10,855
You're combing the back

1711
00:53:10,888 --> 00:53:12,290
of my neck. Give me this.

1712
00:53:12,323 --> 00:53:13,224
>> You wanted to see

1713
00:53:13,258 --> 00:53:13,791
us, Mr. Gleason?

1714
00:53:13,824 --> 00:53:14,725
>> Yeah, yeah. Which one

1715
00:53:14,759 --> 00:53:15,660
of you geniuses wrote

1716
00:53:15,693 --> 00:53:16,227
that opening monologue?

1717
00:53:16,261 --> 00:53:17,262
>> Well, we both did.

1718
00:53:17,295 --> 00:53:17,928
>> Yeah.

1719
00:53:17,962 --> 00:53:18,629
>> You both did, huh? Well,

1720
00:53:18,663 --> 00:53:20,565
you know what? You both stink!

1721
00:53:20,598 --> 00:53:22,500
This just in. We're trying to do

1722
00:53:22,533 --> 00:53:23,701
comedy. It read like a damn

1723
00:53:23,734 --> 00:53:24,735
weather report out there.

1724
00:53:24,769 --> 00:53:25,670
>> Well, I think they got--

1725
00:53:25,703 --> 00:53:26,371
>> Oh, no, no.

1726
00:53:26,404 --> 00:53:27,738
>> You want to write for radio?

1727
00:53:27,772 --> 00:53:29,006
No? Go upstairs

1728
00:53:29,039 --> 00:53:29,674
and try it again.

1729
00:53:29,707 --> 00:53:31,742
>> One minute, Mr. Gleason.

1730
00:53:31,776 --> 00:53:33,010
>> No. No. I know, Joel.

1731
00:53:33,043 --> 00:53:34,245
Where you think I'm going,

1732
00:53:34,279 --> 00:53:36,247
on a cruise? It's a clip-on,

1733
00:53:36,281 --> 00:53:37,815
for Christ's sakes. Put it on.

1734
00:53:37,848 --> 00:53:39,784
Put-- I'm running a circus.

1735
00:53:39,817 --> 00:53:40,585
>> Your tie's not on.

1736
00:53:40,618 --> 00:53:41,586
>> I'm running a circus.

1737
00:53:41,619 --> 00:53:42,620
>> The tie's not on.

1738
00:53:42,653 --> 00:53:44,322
>> Do me a favor. Do something.

1739
00:53:44,355 --> 00:53:45,556
>> Okay. Let me put the tie on.

1740
00:53:45,590 --> 00:53:46,424
Here.

1741
00:53:46,457 --> 00:53:47,658
>> ( applause )

1742
00:53:47,692 --> 00:53:49,026
>> ( band playing )

1743
00:53:49,059 --> 00:53:51,762
>> ( humming a tune )

1744
00:54:00,037 --> 00:54:01,772
>> Oh, that's a good year.

1745
00:54:01,806 --> 00:54:03,508
Tuesday. ( resumes humming )

1746
00:54:03,541 --> 00:54:06,744
>> ( laughter )

1747
00:54:06,777 --> 00:54:09,414
>> One hell of a good omelet.

1748
00:54:09,447 --> 00:54:11,749
Hmm. ( resumes humming )

1749
00:54:16,754 --> 00:54:18,556
>> ( drum boings )

1750
00:54:18,589 --> 00:54:20,858
>> Smooth!

1751
00:54:20,891 --> 00:54:22,693
>> ( laughs ) That's great.

1752
00:54:22,727 --> 00:54:25,363
>> Fire in the hole!

1753
00:54:25,396 --> 00:54:28,766
Hmm. ( resumes humming )

1754
00:54:32,737 --> 00:54:36,407
Mmm, boy. Hmm.

1755
00:54:38,709 --> 00:54:40,745
>> ( laughter )

1756
00:54:44,549 --> 00:54:45,916
>> ( laughing )

1757
00:54:45,950 --> 00:54:49,654
>> Son. Ahem. Son.

1758
00:54:49,687 --> 00:54:51,956
>> Hmm. Perfect timing, Daddy.

1759
00:54:51,989 --> 00:54:53,858
I try not to overexercise

1760
00:54:53,891 --> 00:54:54,759
on the weekend.

1761
00:54:54,792 --> 00:54:55,993
>> ( laughter )

1762
00:54:56,026 --> 00:54:57,862
>> You see, Mother? He is

1763
00:54:57,895 --> 00:54:59,930
no good. He is a bum.

1764
00:54:59,964 --> 00:55:03,934
>> Son, your father is right.

1765
00:55:03,968 --> 00:55:06,804
>> Hmm. Boy, are you fat.

1766
00:55:06,837 --> 00:55:10,641
>> ( laughter )

1767
00:55:10,675 --> 00:55:13,043
( applause )

1768
00:55:13,077 --> 00:55:14,044
>> He's a bum.

1769
00:55:14,078 --> 00:55:15,480
>> See? Huh? ( laughs )

1770
00:55:15,513 --> 00:55:16,113
Brilliant! Brilliant!

1771
00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:17,382
I got some very good news.

1772
00:55:17,415 --> 00:55:18,416
>> See, now they know the

1773
00:55:18,449 --> 00:55:19,083
character. See the difference?

1774
00:55:19,116 --> 00:55:20,084
>> Jackie, thank you so much

1775
00:55:20,117 --> 00:55:21,519
for putting me in the sketch

1776
00:55:21,552 --> 00:55:22,219
out there.

1777
00:55:22,252 --> 00:55:23,521
>> Oh, were you in the sketch

1778
00:55:23,554 --> 00:55:25,022
out there? Artie, do me a favor.

1779
00:55:25,055 --> 00:55:26,056
When I'm getting my laughs,

1780
00:55:26,090 --> 00:55:26,891
don't stand there mugging,

1781
00:55:26,924 --> 00:55:27,525
'cause it's distracting.

1782
00:55:27,558 --> 00:55:28,693
>> Oh, yeah, sure, Jackie.

1783
00:55:28,726 --> 00:55:29,527
>> Thanks for stopping by.

1784
00:55:29,560 --> 00:55:30,761
I want to talk to you.

1785
00:55:30,795 --> 00:55:31,596
>> Did you make reservations?

1786
00:55:31,629 --> 00:55:32,129
>> Yeah, for 10:00.

1787
00:55:32,162 --> 00:55:32,830
>> Five people.

1788
00:55:32,863 --> 00:55:34,031
>> Five? I'll take care of it.

1789
00:55:34,064 --> 00:55:34,732
Carney is terrific.

1790
00:55:34,765 --> 00:55:36,100
He's a very good foil for you.

1791
00:55:36,133 --> 00:55:37,535
>> He's got a lot to learn.

1792
00:55:37,568 --> 00:55:38,569
>> I think you should use him

1793
00:55:38,603 --> 00:55:39,604
as often as possible.

1794
00:55:39,637 --> 00:55:40,638
>> Are you booking the show now?

1795
00:55:40,671 --> 00:55:41,672
>> I'm trying to tell you,

1796
00:55:41,706 --> 00:55:43,107
you're going to be a busy boy.

1797
00:55:43,140 --> 00:55:43,741
The sponsors are going

1798
00:55:43,774 --> 00:55:44,409
completely nuts. Listen--

1799
00:55:44,442 --> 00:55:45,643
>> Well, why wouldn't they?

1800
00:55:45,676 --> 00:55:46,477
>> I talked to DuMont.

1801
00:55:46,511 --> 00:55:48,012
They want a whole year!

1802
00:55:48,045 --> 00:55:49,113
>> ( laughs ) And you were

1803
00:55:49,146 --> 00:55:50,147
worried about the two weeks.

1804
00:55:50,180 --> 00:55:50,815
>> I know.

1805
00:55:50,848 --> 00:55:51,682
>> I love it.

1806
00:55:51,716 --> 00:55:52,717
So, what'd you tell 'em?

1807
00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:53,751
>> They had to meet our price

1808
00:55:53,784 --> 00:55:55,586
or take a walk off a short pier.

1809
00:55:55,620 --> 00:55:56,421
>> Stick it to 'em.

1810
00:55:56,454 --> 00:55:56,954
>> I know.

1811
00:55:56,987 --> 00:55:57,655
>> Stick it to 'em.

1812
00:55:57,688 --> 00:55:58,956
>> I tell you, I'm gonna turn

1813
00:55:58,989 --> 00:55:59,790
you into a millionaire

1814
00:55:59,824 --> 00:56:00,491
yet, kid.

1815
00:56:00,525 --> 00:56:01,692
>> Hey, you got it backwards,

1816
00:56:01,726 --> 00:56:02,660
Bullets. I'm turning you

1817
00:56:02,693 --> 00:56:03,694
into a millionaire.

1818
00:56:03,728 --> 00:56:04,729
>> Well, I know. I was just--

1819
00:56:04,762 --> 00:56:05,963
>> You were just what? You were

1820
00:56:05,996 --> 00:56:07,064
just what? Taking the credit

1821
00:56:07,097 --> 00:56:08,633
like everybody else?

1822
00:56:08,666 --> 00:56:09,299
>> Well, I--

1823
00:56:09,333 --> 00:56:10,535
>> Who's the one busting his

1824
00:56:10,568 --> 00:56:11,602
rump out there every night?

1825
00:56:12,903 --> 00:56:14,672
>> Hey, let's go.

1826
00:56:15,973 --> 00:56:17,675
>> ( laughter )

1827
00:56:17,708 --> 00:56:19,910
>> Look, that's Jackie Gleason.

1828
00:56:19,944 --> 00:56:20,545
>> It's one of mine.

1829
00:56:20,578 --> 00:56:23,080
>> Oh, you are a good one.

1830
00:56:23,113 --> 00:56:24,649
>> All right, and then let--

1831
00:56:24,682 --> 00:56:25,683
>> Excuse me. Could I finish?

1832
00:56:25,716 --> 00:56:26,717
>> All right, go ahead, finish.

1833
00:56:26,751 --> 00:56:27,952
>> So the cop says to the guy,

1834
00:56:27,985 --> 00:56:29,186
he says, "What the hell you

1835
00:56:29,219 --> 00:56:30,621
doing out at 4:00 in the

1836
00:56:30,655 --> 00:56:31,656
morning?" And the guy says,

1837
00:56:31,689 --> 00:56:32,690
"Well, if I knew that,

1838
00:56:32,723 --> 00:56:33,924
I'd be at home with my wife."

1839
00:56:33,958 --> 00:56:35,460
>> ( laughter )

1840
00:56:35,493 --> 00:56:35,926
>> Ladies and gentlemen,

1841
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:36,594
The Great One.

1842
00:56:36,627 --> 00:56:37,628
>> Thank you. You don't have

1843
00:56:37,662 --> 00:56:38,496
to do that.

1844
00:56:38,529 --> 00:56:38,963
>> All right.

1845
00:56:38,996 --> 00:56:40,565
>> That's funny.

1846
00:56:40,598 --> 00:56:41,198
>> How would you know?

1847
00:56:41,231 --> 00:56:43,534
>> That's one of Berle's.

1848
00:56:43,568 --> 00:56:44,635
>> Oh, yeah?

1849
00:56:44,669 --> 00:56:45,736
>> He steals from the best.

1850
00:56:45,770 --> 00:56:46,671
So do you.

1851
00:56:46,704 --> 00:56:48,573
>> What do you mean?

1852
00:56:48,606 --> 00:56:49,039
>> Everybody knows you

1853
00:56:49,073 --> 00:56:49,974
like to...

1854
00:56:50,007 --> 00:56:51,942
>> Say it.

1855
00:56:51,976 --> 00:56:54,111
>> Borrow. ( chuckles )

1856
00:56:54,144 --> 00:56:55,546
>> All right, come on, we're all

1857
00:56:55,580 --> 00:56:56,581
just having a good time.

1858
00:56:56,614 --> 00:56:57,748
>> Oh, you sure the hell are.

1859
00:56:57,782 --> 00:56:58,783
You're having big steaks and

1860
00:56:58,816 --> 00:57:00,017
booze at my expense. Why not

1861
00:57:00,050 --> 00:57:01,652
have a good time at my expense?

1862
00:57:01,686 --> 00:57:03,754
>> Jackie, if I said something

1863
00:57:03,788 --> 00:57:04,855
wrong, I apologize. You know

1864
00:57:04,889 --> 00:57:06,090
I didn't mean nothing by it.

1865
00:57:06,123 --> 00:57:07,191
>> Nah, it's not a matter

1866
00:57:07,224 --> 00:57:08,225
of something wrong. You just

1867
00:57:08,258 --> 00:57:09,460
said what's on your mind.

1868
00:57:09,494 --> 00:57:11,095
>> You saying I'm jealous?

1869
00:57:11,128 --> 00:57:12,730
>> No. See, you would have to be

1870
00:57:12,763 --> 00:57:14,965
a contender to be jealous.

1871
00:57:14,999 --> 00:57:17,768
You are envious.

1872
00:57:17,802 --> 00:57:20,004
>> So now I'm envious.

1873
00:57:20,037 --> 00:57:21,506
>> And pathetic.

1874
00:57:24,642 --> 00:57:25,810
>> Yeah. Okay, you're a

1875
00:57:25,843 --> 00:57:27,211
schoolteacher, and you go

1876
00:57:27,244 --> 00:57:28,613
in the room, and the kids are

1877
00:57:28,646 --> 00:57:29,313
going crazy.

1878
00:57:29,346 --> 00:57:29,980
>> They're yelling, screaming--

1879
00:57:30,014 --> 00:57:31,115
>> No, no, no. School's not

1880
00:57:31,148 --> 00:57:31,682
funny. What else?

1881
00:57:31,716 --> 00:57:32,349
>> Okay, you're a clerk

1882
00:57:32,382 --> 00:57:34,184
in a complaints department,

1883
00:57:34,218 --> 00:57:36,487
except you're rude to everyone

1884
00:57:36,521 --> 00:57:37,187
who comes in.

1885
00:57:37,221 --> 00:57:38,723
>> No, no, no. I'd be the one

1886
00:57:38,756 --> 00:57:39,557
coming in to complain.

1887
00:57:39,590 --> 00:57:40,224
>> Cowboy?

1888
00:57:40,257 --> 00:57:41,626
>> No. What'd I tell you

1889
00:57:41,659 --> 00:57:42,259
about cowboys?

1890
00:57:42,292 --> 00:57:42,927
>> Okay, just getting back

1891
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:43,561
to the schoolteacher thing.

1892
00:57:43,594 --> 00:57:44,895
>> Why would you get back

1893
00:57:44,929 --> 00:57:45,763
to the schoolteacher?

1894
00:57:45,796 --> 00:57:46,296
>> We think Carney--

1895
00:57:46,330 --> 00:57:46,964
>> I can see Carney.

1896
00:57:46,997 --> 00:57:48,766
>> Okay, listen. Carney has

1897
00:57:48,799 --> 00:57:50,501
enough to do, okay? He's a

1898
00:57:50,535 --> 00:57:52,737
busy man. You know what? Do me

1899
00:57:52,770 --> 00:57:54,171
a favor. You guys come sit down.

1900
00:57:54,204 --> 00:57:56,240
You're scaring me. Come on.

1901
00:57:56,273 --> 00:57:56,874
All right, now listen.

1902
00:57:56,907 --> 00:57:58,242
Does everybody have a pen?

1903
00:57:58,275 --> 00:57:59,544
>> Yes.

1904
00:57:59,577 --> 00:58:00,711
>> I would appreciate it if

1905
00:58:00,745 --> 00:58:02,813
you write this down.

1906
00:58:02,847 --> 00:58:06,116
Think funny, okay? Humor comes

1907
00:58:06,150 --> 00:58:07,184
out of conflict, not an

1908
00:58:07,217 --> 00:58:08,719
occupation, but it comes out

1909
00:58:08,753 --> 00:58:10,755
of relationships and situations,

1910
00:58:10,788 --> 00:58:12,022
right? Okay, let's say we

1911
00:58:12,056 --> 00:58:12,557
have a couple.

1912
00:58:12,590 --> 00:58:13,724
>> A couple of guys.

1913
00:58:13,758 --> 00:58:14,725
>> Yeah. Roomies.

1914
00:58:14,759 --> 00:58:16,193
>> No, no, no. A married couple.

1915
00:58:16,226 --> 00:58:17,227
Let's say they're married, okay?

1916
00:58:17,261 --> 00:58:18,663
They've been at it a while,

1917
00:58:18,696 --> 00:58:19,697
but they're always at each

1918
00:58:19,730 --> 00:58:20,531
other's throats, but they

1919
00:58:20,565 --> 00:58:21,065
love each other.

1920
00:58:21,098 --> 00:58:22,633
>> And they live in

1921
00:58:22,667 --> 00:58:23,300
a great big mansion.

1922
00:58:23,333 --> 00:58:23,934
>> Yeah, yeah, a penthouse.

1923
00:58:23,968 --> 00:58:26,003
>> Okay, rich isn't funny.

1924
00:58:26,036 --> 00:58:27,237
You understand? You want to put

1925
00:58:27,271 --> 00:58:28,673
'em in a two-room tenement.

1926
00:58:28,706 --> 00:58:29,774
>> Okay, so they're poor?

1927
00:58:29,807 --> 00:58:30,808
>> Who said they were poor?

1928
00:58:30,841 --> 00:58:31,642
They're struggling. Write it

1929
00:58:31,676 --> 00:58:32,577
down. Struggling.

1930
00:58:32,610 --> 00:58:33,310
You know the feeling.

1931
00:58:33,343 --> 00:58:34,812
>> Okay, and when he gets home,

1932
00:58:34,845 --> 00:58:36,046
there's a bunch of kids just--

1933
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:36,747
>> And they're yelling--

1934
00:58:36,781 --> 00:58:37,915
>> There's no kids. Because they

1935
00:58:37,948 --> 00:58:39,684
argue, and it isn't funny when

1936
00:58:39,717 --> 00:58:41,018
you argue in front of children.

1937
00:58:41,051 --> 00:58:42,753
He's the kid. That's the point.

1938
00:58:42,787 --> 00:58:43,453
>> Right.

1939
00:58:43,487 --> 00:58:45,022
>> He's the big-- the big baby,

1940
00:58:45,055 --> 00:58:45,856
the blubbering kid that

1941
00:58:45,890 --> 00:58:46,724
won't grow up.

1942
00:58:46,757 --> 00:58:47,592
>> Okay, so then it's

1943
00:58:47,625 --> 00:58:48,626
just the two of them,

1944
00:58:48,659 --> 00:58:49,326
and they're loners--

1945
00:58:49,359 --> 00:58:50,561
>> I didn't say-- why would you

1946
00:58:50,595 --> 00:58:51,696
want to make 'em loners?

1947
00:58:51,729 --> 00:58:52,763
You want to have conflict

1948
00:58:52,797 --> 00:58:53,698
of other people. They're social.

1949
00:58:53,731 --> 00:58:54,732
>> Carney could go there.

1950
00:58:54,765 --> 00:58:55,232
>> Carney would be

1951
00:58:55,265 --> 00:58:55,800
a great neighbor.

1952
00:58:55,833 --> 00:58:56,934
>> Okay. Carney can be

1953
00:58:56,967 --> 00:58:58,168
a neighbor. He pops in every

1954
00:58:58,202 --> 00:58:59,604
once in a while, stirs it up.

1955
00:58:59,637 --> 00:59:00,638
>> So what does this guy

1956
00:59:00,671 --> 00:59:01,672
do for a living?

1957
00:59:01,706 --> 00:59:03,107
>> He drives a cab.

1958
00:59:03,140 --> 00:59:05,910
>> Worse. A bus. A bus. He's a

1959
00:59:05,943 --> 00:59:07,678
bus driver, takes a bus up and

1960
00:59:07,712 --> 00:59:09,279
down Fifth Avenue all day long,

1961
00:59:09,313 --> 00:59:10,748
carting around people that are

1962
00:59:10,781 --> 00:59:12,116
better off than he is. But every

1963
00:59:12,149 --> 00:59:13,651
scheme and everything he tries

1964
00:59:13,684 --> 00:59:15,285
fails. And he does it for her,

1965
00:59:15,319 --> 00:59:18,088
but he fails. Titles.

1966
00:59:18,122 --> 00:59:19,123
What does it feel like?

1967
00:59:19,156 --> 00:59:19,824
>> Uh...

1968
00:59:19,857 --> 00:59:21,058
>> It's a guy that's always--

1969
00:59:21,091 --> 00:59:22,727
he's failing with his schemes.

1970
00:59:22,760 --> 00:59:23,393
He loves his wife.

1971
00:59:23,427 --> 00:59:25,796
>> "The Failure." I mean...

1972
00:59:25,830 --> 00:59:26,831
>> Would you watch a show

1973
00:59:26,864 --> 00:59:27,531
called "The Failure"?

1974
00:59:27,564 --> 00:59:29,634
>> No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't.

1975
00:59:29,667 --> 00:59:33,070
>> "The Beast." Huh?

1976
00:59:33,103 --> 00:59:34,672
>> Please leave.

1977
00:59:34,705 --> 00:59:35,906
>> Hold on. Jackie, how about

1978
00:59:35,940 --> 00:59:37,842
"The Couple Next Door"?

1979
00:59:37,875 --> 00:59:39,309
>> Ooh. Ooh. Yeah.

1980
00:59:42,747 --> 00:59:45,950
>> "The Honeymooners."

1981
00:59:45,983 --> 00:59:47,685
Write that down.

1982
00:59:47,718 --> 00:59:49,253
It is my cup, but I don't drink

1983
00:59:49,286 --> 00:59:51,689
coffee. All right, let's just

1984
00:59:51,722 --> 00:59:55,292
give it a try. Okay? Artie?

1985
00:59:55,325 --> 00:59:56,627
>> Take 'em over there.

1986
00:59:56,661 --> 00:59:57,662
>> "Alice, did you make me

1987
00:59:57,695 --> 00:59:58,963
my eats? I'm starving."

1988
00:59:58,996 --> 00:59:59,897
>> "I know you're starving.

1989
00:59:59,930 --> 01:00:00,931
That's why I'm making you

1990
01:00:00,965 --> 01:00:01,632
a salad."

1991
01:00:01,666 --> 01:00:03,033
>> "Do I have to have a salad

1992
01:00:03,067 --> 01:00:04,669
today? Can I just get a little

1993
01:00:04,702 --> 01:00:05,335
piece of bread?"

1994
01:00:05,369 --> 01:00:06,303
>> "Bread? I didn't bake any

1995
01:00:06,336 --> 01:00:07,872
bread, Ralph. You're on a diet,

1996
01:00:07,905 --> 01:00:08,572
remember?"

1997
01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:09,874
>> "Well, if you didn't make any

1998
01:00:09,907 --> 01:00:11,108
bread, what have you been doing?

1999
01:00:11,141 --> 01:00:12,142
You--" you know, let's just--

2000
01:00:12,176 --> 01:00:13,377
Frank, we're going to put this

2001
01:00:13,410 --> 01:00:14,411
on its feet, all right?

2002
01:00:14,444 --> 01:00:15,045
>> Okay, Jackie, sure.

2003
01:00:15,079 --> 01:00:16,681
>> Let's just block it up.

2004
01:00:16,714 --> 01:00:17,715
You know where you are.

2005
01:00:17,748 --> 01:00:18,415
>> Yeah.

2006
01:00:18,448 --> 01:00:19,684
>> Right? Let's just try it out

2007
01:00:19,717 --> 01:00:20,718
right around here. Now, how

2008
01:00:20,751 --> 01:00:22,152
would this look in a two shot?

2009
01:00:22,186 --> 01:00:23,788
Okay, that's wrong. Two shot.

2010
01:00:23,821 --> 01:00:24,689
>> Two shot, please.

2011
01:00:24,722 --> 01:00:25,823
>> Way too tight!

2012
01:00:25,856 --> 01:00:26,757
Way too tight!

2013
01:00:26,791 --> 01:00:28,192
>> Loosen that up, please.

2014
01:00:28,225 --> 01:00:29,860
>> Too wide. In.

2015
01:00:29,894 --> 01:00:30,895
>> Okay, too wide now, please.

2016
01:00:30,928 --> 01:00:31,762
>> In closer.

2017
01:00:31,796 --> 01:00:32,763
>> Closer, please.

2018
01:00:32,797 --> 01:00:33,931
>> Right. Right the--

2019
01:00:33,964 --> 01:00:35,032
>> It looks great.

2020
01:00:35,065 --> 01:00:36,066
>> No, it's not great.

2021
01:00:36,100 --> 01:00:37,301
I'll let you know when it's

2022
01:00:37,334 --> 01:00:38,736
great. That's wide.

2023
01:00:38,769 --> 01:00:39,403
>> Okay.

2024
01:00:39,436 --> 01:00:42,039
>> Okay? Right-- good God.

2025
01:00:42,072 --> 01:00:43,107
You'll work that out later?

2026
01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:43,674
>> Yes.

2027
01:00:43,708 --> 01:00:44,341
>> All right, let's try

2028
01:00:44,374 --> 01:00:45,810
the lines, shall we? Alice,

2029
01:00:45,843 --> 01:00:47,044
you got my eats? I'm starving.

2030
01:00:47,077 --> 01:00:47,678
>> I know you're starving.

2031
01:00:47,712 --> 01:00:48,913
That's why I'm making you

2032
01:00:48,946 --> 01:00:49,780
a salad!

2033
01:00:49,814 --> 01:00:50,480
>> Okay, hold on. Hold on.

2034
01:00:50,514 --> 01:00:52,049
You don't want to walk away on

2035
01:00:52,082 --> 01:00:53,684
a line. First of all, you're not

2036
01:00:53,718 --> 01:00:54,719
scared of Ralph. When he lets

2037
01:00:54,752 --> 01:00:55,953
you have it, you confront this

2038
01:00:55,986 --> 01:00:57,387
guy. You take no guff from him

2039
01:00:57,421 --> 01:00:58,222
at all. All right?

2040
01:00:58,255 --> 01:00:58,956
You're right there.

2041
01:00:58,989 --> 01:00:59,656
>> All right.

2042
01:00:59,690 --> 01:01:00,457
>> You're not scared of Ralph.

2043
01:01:00,490 --> 01:01:01,125
>> Okay. All right.

2044
01:01:01,158 --> 01:01:02,459
>> Okay. Let's try it again.

2045
01:01:02,492 --> 01:01:03,861
Alice, you got my eats?

2046
01:01:03,894 --> 01:01:04,729
I'm starving.

2047
01:01:04,762 --> 01:01:05,830
>> I know you're starving.

2048
01:01:05,863 --> 01:01:06,731
That's why I'm making

2049
01:01:06,764 --> 01:01:07,431
you a salad!

2050
01:01:07,464 --> 01:01:08,432
>> Better. But you don't want

2051
01:01:08,465 --> 01:01:09,867
to move on the line, because it

2052
01:01:09,900 --> 01:01:10,701
waters it down, especially--

2053
01:01:10,735 --> 01:01:11,736
>> All right, got it.

2054
01:01:11,769 --> 01:01:13,037
>> Hold on. How can you "got it"

2055
01:01:13,070 --> 01:01:14,304
if you're not listening to me?

2056
01:01:14,338 --> 01:01:15,773
So let me get-- all right?

2057
01:01:15,806 --> 01:01:16,473
>> All right.

2058
01:01:16,506 --> 01:01:17,141
>> Unless you're clairvoyant,

2059
01:01:17,174 --> 01:01:18,709
which I don't think you are.

2060
01:01:18,743 --> 01:01:19,910
Because I know she's beautiful.

2061
01:01:19,944 --> 01:01:21,345
Maybe she's-- I don't know.

2062
01:01:21,378 --> 01:01:22,813
>> I'll all ears, Jackie.

2063
01:01:22,847 --> 01:01:23,480
>> All right, my doll.

2064
01:01:23,513 --> 01:01:25,415
Okay, again. Frank, now,

2065
01:01:25,449 --> 01:01:26,450
if you're going to use-- Frank?

2066
01:01:26,483 --> 01:01:27,117
>> Yes?

2067
01:01:27,151 --> 01:01:28,753
>> Are you going to use this

2068
01:01:28,786 --> 01:01:29,787
shot? Because the table's not

2069
01:01:29,820 --> 01:01:31,155
going to work here. You either

2070
01:01:31,188 --> 01:01:32,957
got to move the table or widen

2071
01:01:32,990 --> 01:01:34,391
the shot. I got to work upstage

2072
01:01:34,424 --> 01:01:35,993
so I can cross to the icebox.

2073
01:01:36,026 --> 01:01:37,127
>> Okay, we'll move the table.

2074
01:01:37,161 --> 01:01:38,028
>> Let's move the table.

2075
01:01:38,062 --> 01:01:39,263
Two feet, camera left.

2076
01:01:39,296 --> 01:01:41,098
>> Props! Can we please move the

2077
01:01:41,131 --> 01:01:42,767
table three feet camera left?

2078
01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:43,433
>> Two feet.

2079
01:01:43,467 --> 01:01:44,334
>> Two feet.

2080
01:01:44,368 --> 01:01:45,002
>> Camera left.

2081
01:01:45,035 --> 01:01:45,936
>> Yes, sir.

2082
01:01:45,970 --> 01:01:46,636
>> Got it.

2083
01:01:46,670 --> 01:01:48,739
>> Three guys to move a table.

2084
01:01:48,773 --> 01:01:49,506
That's the union I got

2085
01:01:49,539 --> 01:01:51,976
to be in. ( laughs )

2086
01:01:52,009 --> 01:01:53,477
Thank you, guys. You may want

2087
01:01:53,510 --> 01:01:56,180
to rest. All righty. Let's just

2088
01:01:56,213 --> 01:01:57,414
hit it with the last one.

2089
01:01:57,447 --> 01:01:58,115
>> Got it.

2090
01:01:58,148 --> 01:01:59,750
>> If you didn't make any bread,

2091
01:01:59,784 --> 01:02:00,517
what have you been doing?

2092
01:02:00,550 --> 01:02:01,752
>> Letting out the seat

2093
01:02:01,786 --> 01:02:02,419
of your pants.

2094
01:02:02,452 --> 01:02:04,354
>> ( chuckles ) You're going

2095
01:02:04,388 --> 01:02:05,455
to get yours, Alice.

2096
01:02:05,489 --> 01:02:07,524
Oh, you're going to get yours.

2097
01:02:07,557 --> 01:02:10,394
Bang! Zoom!

2098
01:02:11,796 --> 01:02:12,529
Okay, that's your cue, Art.

2099
01:02:12,562 --> 01:02:14,364
Is there a problem?

2100
01:02:14,398 --> 01:02:15,800
>> No, no, I was just waiting

2101
01:02:15,833 --> 01:02:17,334
for the laugh.

2102
01:02:19,503 --> 01:02:20,771
>> There's not an audience.

2103
01:02:20,805 --> 01:02:21,872
>> Just giving it a beat.

2104
01:02:21,906 --> 01:02:23,373
>> Okay. Take the beat.

2105
01:02:23,407 --> 01:02:24,942
Please come in on, "Bang. Zoom."

2106
01:02:24,975 --> 01:02:26,010
It'll help, okay? And remember,

2107
01:02:26,043 --> 01:02:26,476
creep up.

2108
01:02:26,510 --> 01:02:27,144
>> Sure. Sure.

2109
01:02:27,177 --> 01:02:28,445
>> Okay. Take it from there.

2110
01:02:28,478 --> 01:02:29,479
Oh, you're going to get yours.

2111
01:02:29,513 --> 01:02:30,915
You are going to get yours.

2112
01:02:30,948 --> 01:02:32,416
Bang! Zoom!

2113
01:02:32,449 --> 01:02:33,517
>> Hey there, Ralphie boy!

2114
01:02:33,550 --> 01:02:35,886
>> Bah! Why are you sneaking up

2115
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:37,855
behind me for? You know I ain't

2116
01:02:37,888 --> 01:02:39,289
got any food in here! I could

2117
01:02:39,323 --> 01:02:40,224
have passed right out.

2118
01:02:40,257 --> 01:02:41,425
>> Ralph, you mind if I have

2119
01:02:41,458 --> 01:02:42,426
dinner here? They're painting

2120
01:02:42,459 --> 01:02:44,795
my apartment, and I can't stand

2121
01:02:44,829 --> 01:02:45,495
the smell of paint.

2122
01:02:47,331 --> 01:02:49,233
>> That's great, Norton.

2123
01:02:49,266 --> 01:02:50,868
You know I'm on a big diet that

2124
01:02:50,901 --> 01:02:52,302
Alice has me on, and you come

2125
01:02:52,336 --> 01:02:53,537
down with a sandwich like that.

2126
01:02:53,570 --> 01:02:54,538
Oh, that's a beauty.

2127
01:02:54,571 --> 01:02:55,840
>> I was hungry.

2128
01:02:55,873 --> 01:02:57,407
>> You were hungry.

2129
01:02:57,441 --> 01:02:59,009
You're a riot, Norton.

2130
01:02:59,043 --> 01:03:01,211
You're a regular riot.

2131
01:03:01,245 --> 01:03:02,279
>> Well, you want a bite?

2132
01:03:04,982 --> 01:03:07,151
>> Get out! Get out! Out!

2133
01:03:07,184 --> 01:03:08,185
>> See what I'm telling you?

2134
01:03:08,218 --> 01:03:09,086
>> Get out!

2135
01:03:09,119 --> 01:03:09,553
>> Sheesh!

2136
01:03:09,586 --> 01:03:10,420
>> Out!

2137
01:03:10,454 --> 01:03:11,121
>> What a grump.

2138
01:03:11,155 --> 01:03:12,489
>> We have got to get this man

2139
01:03:12,522 --> 01:03:16,493
on CBS. When's his contract up

2140
01:03:16,526 --> 01:03:17,928
at DuMont?

2141
01:03:17,962 --> 01:03:18,595
>> Charlie?

2142
01:03:18,628 --> 01:03:19,596
>> That's easy to find out.

2143
01:03:19,629 --> 01:03:20,297
>> Do it.

2144
01:03:20,330 --> 01:03:21,565
>> But is he representative of

2145
01:03:21,598 --> 01:03:23,600
what our audience wants to see?

2146
01:03:23,633 --> 01:03:24,935
>> I don't know. I mean,

2147
01:03:24,969 --> 01:03:26,837
he lacks Ed Sullivan's charm,

2148
01:03:26,871 --> 01:03:27,471
but he's funny.

2149
01:03:27,504 --> 01:03:28,172
>> Yeah. Funny.

2150
01:03:28,205 --> 01:03:29,573
>> He may need to lose weight.

2151
01:03:29,606 --> 01:03:31,075
>> ...Ralph. You're on a diet.

2152
01:03:31,108 --> 01:03:32,309
>> Yeah, may be a little heavy.

2153
01:03:32,342 --> 01:03:34,211
>> I think he's perfect.

2154
01:03:34,244 --> 01:03:35,245
>> I think you're right.

2155
01:03:35,279 --> 01:03:36,947
>> Right. Let's get him

2156
01:03:36,981 --> 01:03:38,015
for next season.

2157
01:03:38,048 --> 01:03:38,582
>> Okay.

2158
01:03:38,615 --> 01:03:39,516
>> One of these days,

2159
01:03:39,549 --> 01:03:42,853
you're going bang! Zoom!

2160
01:03:45,189 --> 01:03:46,590
Whose idea was it to put ice

2161
01:03:46,623 --> 01:03:47,157
in a urinal?

2162
01:03:47,191 --> 01:03:47,557
>> I don't understand.

2163
01:03:47,591 --> 01:03:48,558
Look at you.

2164
01:03:48,592 --> 01:03:49,259
>> All right.

2165
01:03:49,293 --> 01:03:49,960
>> Look at you! Most important

2166
01:03:49,994 --> 01:03:51,495
meeting we've ever had in our

2167
01:03:51,528 --> 01:03:52,329
careers, and last night,

2168
01:03:52,362 --> 01:03:53,163
you decide you're going

2169
01:03:53,197 --> 01:03:53,864
to go out drinking?

2170
01:03:53,898 --> 01:03:55,032
>> There was nothing to watch

2171
01:03:55,065 --> 01:03:56,066
on television. I wasn't on.

2172
01:03:56,100 --> 01:03:56,766
>> ( laughs ) See,

2173
01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:57,467
that's not funny. Upstairs is

2174
01:03:57,501 --> 01:03:59,003
not some idiot producer. This is

2175
01:03:59,036 --> 01:03:59,703
William Paley upstairs!

2176
01:03:59,736 --> 01:04:00,504
>> Okay, I'll tell you what's

2177
01:04:00,537 --> 01:04:01,538
not going to fly today.

2178
01:04:01,571 --> 01:04:02,973
That's the yelling in my head.

2179
01:04:03,007 --> 01:04:03,473
>> Okay, fine.

2180
01:04:03,507 --> 01:04:04,308
>> You understand?

2181
01:04:04,341 --> 01:04:05,142
>> I'm relaxed. We just

2182
01:04:05,175 --> 01:04:05,775
cannot blow this.

2183
01:04:05,809 --> 01:04:06,911
>> Hey, you tell them not

2184
01:04:06,944 --> 01:04:07,611
to blow it.

2185
01:04:07,644 --> 01:04:08,612
>> Okay. What's the matter, huh?

2186
01:04:08,645 --> 01:04:09,279
You all right?

2187
01:04:09,313 --> 01:04:09,846
>> I'm good.

2188
01:04:09,880 --> 01:04:10,414
>> Hey, take it easy.

2189
01:04:10,447 --> 01:04:11,615
>> I'm good. I gotta get

2190
01:04:11,648 --> 01:04:12,316
something to eat.

2191
01:04:12,349 --> 01:04:13,517
>> You stay down here. I'll get

2192
01:04:13,550 --> 01:04:15,152
you a sandwich, a cup of coffee.

2193
01:04:15,185 --> 01:04:16,186
>> You should live that long

2194
01:04:16,220 --> 01:04:17,421
that I would stay down here.

2195
01:04:17,454 --> 01:04:18,455
>> Okay, what do you want?

2196
01:04:18,488 --> 01:04:19,489
>> You know what I want.

2197
01:04:19,523 --> 01:04:20,925
Make sure you get it for me

2198
01:04:20,958 --> 01:04:21,625
or I walk.

2199
01:04:21,658 --> 01:04:24,061
>> Yeah. You can barely stand.

2200
01:04:24,094 --> 01:04:25,095
>> Who wants a tip here?

2201
01:04:25,129 --> 01:04:26,063
It's on Bill.

2202
01:04:26,096 --> 01:04:26,630
>> ( laughter )

2203
01:04:26,663 --> 01:04:27,497
>> Promise me you'll get

2204
01:04:27,531 --> 01:04:28,365
better scotch.

2205
01:04:28,398 --> 01:04:29,066
>> Hear that, Friedman?

2206
01:04:29,099 --> 01:04:30,267
Get a better scotch. Come on.

2207
01:04:30,300 --> 01:04:31,301
>> I'll be a monkey's uncle.

2208
01:04:31,335 --> 01:04:32,536
I don't even have a light.

2209
01:04:32,569 --> 01:04:33,370
Who's got a match?

2210
01:04:33,403 --> 01:04:34,071
>> I don't have one.

2211
01:04:34,104 --> 01:04:35,072
>> However, we feel Jackie...

2212
01:04:35,105 --> 01:04:35,772
>> You have one?

2213
01:04:35,805 --> 01:04:37,074
>> ...should be a member of the

2214
01:04:37,107 --> 01:04:38,542
CBS family. We feel the need

2215
01:04:38,575 --> 01:04:39,576
to share his talents with

2216
01:04:39,609 --> 01:04:40,510
the biggest audience possible.

2217
01:04:40,544 --> 01:04:41,979
>> Gorgeous suit. Does it come

2218
01:04:42,012 --> 01:04:42,947
in an adult size?

2219
01:04:42,980 --> 01:04:44,181
>> Well, DuMont was the network

2220
01:04:44,214 --> 01:04:45,582
that gave him his first shot.

2221
01:04:45,615 --> 01:04:46,583
You understand that.

2222
01:04:46,616 --> 01:04:47,284
>> We want a full hour

2223
01:04:47,317 --> 01:04:49,286
of "The Jackie Gleason Show."

2224
01:04:49,319 --> 01:04:50,554
We want all his characters,

2225
01:04:50,587 --> 01:04:51,621
especially the sketch with

2226
01:04:51,655 --> 01:04:52,990
the husband and wife. The...

2227
01:04:53,023 --> 01:04:53,523
>> "The Honeymooners."

2228
01:04:53,557 --> 01:04:54,391
>> Yeah. Very funny.

2229
01:04:54,424 --> 01:04:55,425
>> You know, we also have

2230
01:04:55,459 --> 01:04:56,526
interest at NBC.

2231
01:04:56,560 --> 01:04:57,561
>> Ah, yeah, yeah. I know.

2232
01:04:57,594 --> 01:04:59,496
They said you called them

2233
01:04:59,529 --> 01:05:00,597
after we called you.

2234
01:05:00,630 --> 01:05:02,166
>> That's not entirely true.

2235
01:05:02,199 --> 01:05:02,632
>> All right, see?

2236
01:05:02,666 --> 01:05:03,500
>> Half true.

2237
01:05:03,533 --> 01:05:04,501
>> The man already knew.

2238
01:05:04,534 --> 01:05:06,103
( laughs ) He already knew.

2239
01:05:06,136 --> 01:05:07,004
>> Why wouldn't he know?

2240
01:05:07,037 --> 01:05:08,138
He's a network.

2241
01:05:08,172 --> 01:05:09,573
>> Mr. Paley, I got to tell you

2242
01:05:09,606 --> 01:05:10,607
something. I'm going to be

2243
01:05:10,640 --> 01:05:12,242
honest with you. To be with CBS,

2244
01:05:12,276 --> 01:05:13,510
for Jackie and I, huh, Jackie,

2245
01:05:13,543 --> 01:05:15,145
it'd be a big thrill. It would

2246
01:05:15,179 --> 01:05:16,513
be very exciting. But we have

2247
01:05:16,546 --> 01:05:17,481
some stipulations we have

2248
01:05:17,514 --> 01:05:19,149
to talk about first.

2249
01:05:19,183 --> 01:05:19,683
>> Such as?

2250
01:05:19,716 --> 01:05:20,317
>> You want an hour,

2251
01:05:20,350 --> 01:05:21,685
it's gonna be a big show.

2252
01:05:21,718 --> 01:05:22,519
There's some creative areas.

2253
01:05:22,552 --> 01:05:23,420
>> Control.

2254
01:05:23,453 --> 01:05:24,554
>> Control of what?

2255
01:05:24,588 --> 01:05:26,490
>> Puts it right out there.

2256
01:05:26,523 --> 01:05:27,324
>> Puts it right out.

2257
01:05:27,357 --> 01:05:28,325
>> Of everything.

2258
01:05:28,358 --> 01:05:29,126
>> All right, fine.

2259
01:05:29,159 --> 01:05:29,826
Just say it.

2260
01:05:29,859 --> 01:05:31,128
>> Could you be more specific?

2261
01:05:31,161 --> 01:05:32,062
>> What's more specific than

2262
01:05:32,096 --> 01:05:33,130
"everything"? Okay, let me

2263
01:05:33,163 --> 01:05:34,364
draw it out for you. Writing,

2264
01:05:34,398 --> 01:05:35,732
producing, directing. I seem to

2265
01:05:35,765 --> 01:05:37,401
have an affinity in the musical

2266
01:05:37,434 --> 01:05:39,503
department, so choreography,

2267
01:05:39,536 --> 01:05:40,570
theme music.

2268
01:05:40,604 --> 01:05:41,538
>> ( chuckles )

2269
01:05:41,571 --> 01:05:42,539
What about the catering?

2270
01:05:42,572 --> 01:05:43,573
>> Well, I could do a hell

2271
01:05:43,607 --> 01:05:45,009
of a lot better than this.

2272
01:05:45,042 --> 01:05:46,410
I'll tell you that right now.

2273
01:05:46,443 --> 01:05:47,978
It's like a wake. Who died?

2274
01:05:48,012 --> 01:05:48,678
>> Okay. Okay.

2275
01:05:48,712 --> 01:05:49,679
>> Here, run this to the lab.

2276
01:05:49,713 --> 01:05:51,348
>> Okay. Okay. Very good.

2277
01:05:51,381 --> 01:05:52,582
But it's only fair that we have

2278
01:05:52,616 --> 01:05:54,451
some sort of final say.

2279
01:05:57,254 --> 01:05:58,688
>> Call NBC.

2280
01:05:58,722 --> 01:05:59,256
>> ( chuckles )

2281
01:05:59,289 --> 01:06:00,324
>> All right, gentlemen.

2282
01:06:00,357 --> 01:06:01,325
>> Call 'em. Go outside

2283
01:06:01,358 --> 01:06:02,226
and call them.

2284
01:06:02,259 --> 01:06:03,093
>> Jackie.

2285
01:06:03,127 --> 01:06:04,661
>> Gentlemen, let's talk

2286
01:06:04,694 --> 01:06:07,497
numbers. Friedman?

2287
01:06:07,531 --> 01:06:08,532
>> All right. Sit down.

2288
01:06:08,565 --> 01:06:11,168
Give it a rest.

2289
01:06:11,201 --> 01:06:14,171
>> Okay. For all starring and

2290
01:06:14,204 --> 01:06:14,804
producing services, including

2291
01:06:14,838 --> 01:06:15,705
the cost of each episode.

2292
01:06:15,739 --> 01:06:16,373
>> Mr. Friedman. Sorry. Slow

2293
01:06:16,406 --> 01:06:17,774
down just for a second here.

2294
01:06:17,807 --> 01:06:19,043
>> Let him get out

2295
01:06:19,076 --> 01:06:20,577
his magic pen.

2296
01:06:20,610 --> 01:06:21,545
>> You were saying

2297
01:06:21,578 --> 01:06:22,612
all producing services...

2298
01:06:22,646 --> 01:06:23,613
>> For all starring

2299
01:06:23,647 --> 01:06:25,315
and producing services,

2300
01:06:25,349 --> 01:06:26,616
including the cost of each

2301
01:06:26,650 --> 01:06:28,285
episode, we are prepared to

2302
01:06:28,318 --> 01:06:30,087
offer, for two seasons,

2303
01:06:30,120 --> 01:06:32,322
the sum of $11 million.

2304
01:06:34,591 --> 01:06:36,093
>> That's for two seasons,

2305
01:06:36,126 --> 01:06:37,494
of course.

2306
01:06:37,527 --> 01:06:38,628
>> Naturally.

2307
01:06:41,631 --> 01:06:42,632
>> Well, how the hell am I

2308
01:06:42,666 --> 01:06:43,667
supposed to live on that?

2309
01:06:43,700 --> 01:06:44,534
>> ( chuckles )

2310
01:06:44,568 --> 01:06:45,735
>> ( laughter )

2311
01:06:45,769 --> 01:06:46,603
>> That'll cost you

2312
01:06:46,636 --> 01:06:47,437
an extra five bucks.

2313
01:06:47,471 --> 01:06:48,272
>> You got to eat.

2314
01:06:48,305 --> 01:06:49,106
>> Five bucks a joke.

2315
01:06:49,139 --> 01:06:49,673
>> Done.

2316
01:06:49,706 --> 01:06:50,374
>> Gentlemen, allow me

2317
01:06:50,407 --> 01:06:52,809
to introduce you to CBS's newest

2318
01:06:52,842 --> 01:06:54,578
and brightest star,

2319
01:06:54,611 --> 01:06:56,546
Mr. Jackie Gleason.

2320
01:06:58,615 --> 01:06:59,283
>> Thank you very much,

2321
01:06:59,316 --> 01:07:00,484
everybody. Bill, I can't tell

2322
01:07:00,517 --> 01:07:02,319
you what a pleasure it is to be

2323
01:07:02,352 --> 01:07:03,753
associated with the network who

2324
01:07:03,787 --> 01:07:05,522
discovered Ed Sullivan.

2325
01:07:05,555 --> 01:07:06,456
>> ( laughs )

2326
01:07:06,490 --> 01:07:07,624
>> Will you still be doing

2327
01:07:07,657 --> 01:07:08,292
all of your--

2328
01:07:08,325 --> 01:07:08,825
>> Ah?

2329
01:07:08,858 --> 01:07:09,526
>> Will you still--

2330
01:07:09,559 --> 01:07:10,494
>> I didn't mean to interrupt.

2331
01:07:10,527 --> 01:07:11,361
Go ahead.

2332
01:07:11,395 --> 01:07:11,995
>> Will you do all--

2333
01:07:12,028 --> 01:07:12,829
>> Please stop before you

2334
01:07:12,862 --> 01:07:13,697
lose your hair.

2335
01:07:13,730 --> 01:07:14,398
>> ( laughter )

2336
01:07:14,431 --> 01:07:15,599
>> Mr. Gleason, will you still

2337
01:07:15,632 --> 01:07:16,633
be doing all of your

2338
01:07:16,666 --> 01:07:17,267
old characters from

2339
01:07:17,301 --> 01:07:17,967
"The Jackie Gleason Show?"

2340
01:07:18,001 --> 01:07:19,369
>> Well, now, you say that like

2341
01:07:19,403 --> 01:07:20,204
it's a bad thing.

2342
01:07:20,237 --> 01:07:21,171
Of course I'll be.

2343
01:07:21,205 --> 01:07:21,638
>> Is Art Carney

2344
01:07:21,671 --> 01:07:22,272
going with you?

2345
01:07:22,306 --> 01:07:23,507
>> I wouldn't go anywhere

2346
01:07:23,540 --> 01:07:24,208
without Artie.

2347
01:07:24,241 --> 01:07:25,509
>> Jackie, how's Pert Kelton?

2348
01:07:25,542 --> 01:07:26,576
>> She's doing better,

2349
01:07:26,610 --> 01:07:27,811
refuses to sleep with me,

2350
01:07:27,844 --> 01:07:28,578
but she'll learn.

2351
01:07:28,612 --> 01:07:29,646
>> ( laughter )

2352
01:07:29,679 --> 01:07:30,680
>> No, no, Pert's fine.

2353
01:07:30,714 --> 01:07:32,316
As you know, she had a little--

2354
01:07:32,349 --> 01:07:33,550
thank you very much. It's about

2355
01:07:33,583 --> 01:07:34,384
time you do something

2356
01:07:34,418 --> 01:07:35,152
at the network.

2357
01:07:35,185 --> 01:07:37,587
>> ( laughter )

2358
01:07:37,621 --> 01:07:40,257
>> No. She's better. You know,

2359
01:07:40,290 --> 01:07:41,491
there was a problem with her

2360
01:07:41,525 --> 01:07:42,559
ticker, and the doctor says

2361
01:07:42,592 --> 01:07:43,793
she should take some time off,

2362
01:07:43,827 --> 01:07:45,429
so we're going to be looking for

2363
01:07:45,462 --> 01:07:46,696
a new Alice. And you know how

2364
01:07:46,730 --> 01:07:48,565
I love the audition process.

2365
01:07:48,598 --> 01:07:49,666
>> ( laughter )

2366
01:07:49,699 --> 01:07:50,700
>> Are the rumors true that

2367
01:07:50,734 --> 01:07:52,136
you've hired a physician to help

2368
01:07:52,169 --> 01:07:52,769
you lose weight?

2369
01:07:52,802 --> 01:07:54,271
>> I'm planning on losing

2370
01:07:54,304 --> 01:07:56,306
180 pounds by getting rid

2371
01:07:56,340 --> 01:07:56,773
of my manager.

2372
01:07:56,806 --> 01:07:58,575
>> ( laughter )

2373
01:07:58,608 --> 01:07:59,609
>> I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

2374
01:07:59,643 --> 01:08:01,145
He's 175.

2375
01:08:01,178 --> 01:08:03,247
>> ( laughter )

2376
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:04,181
>> Gentlemen, that's about all

2377
01:08:04,214 --> 01:08:04,814
the time we have.

2378
01:08:04,848 --> 01:08:05,649
Thank you very much.

2379
01:08:05,682 --> 01:08:06,516
>> Uh-huh.

2380
01:08:06,550 --> 01:08:07,083
>> ( applause )

2381
01:08:07,117 --> 01:08:07,751
>> Thank you, everybody.

2382
01:08:07,784 --> 01:08:09,519
>> And another thing, Ralph.

2383
01:08:09,553 --> 01:08:11,488
My mother can come stay with us

2384
01:08:11,521 --> 01:08:13,423
anytime she wants to,

2385
01:08:13,457 --> 01:08:14,524
like it or not.

2386
01:08:14,558 --> 01:08:15,225
>> All right, Miss Meadows.

2387
01:08:15,259 --> 01:08:16,493
Thank you. That was terrific.

2388
01:08:16,526 --> 01:08:18,128
>> I can do it any way you

2389
01:08:18,162 --> 01:08:18,828
want, Mr. Gleason. I'm--

2390
01:08:18,862 --> 01:08:19,829
>> No, no, that was wonderful.

2391
01:08:19,863 --> 01:08:20,864
Thank you for coming by.

2392
01:08:20,897 --> 01:08:22,499
>> Audrey, come on. Home run.

2393
01:08:22,532 --> 01:08:24,234
It was great. Val is a great

2394
01:08:24,268 --> 01:08:25,269
manager. Give him my best.

2395
01:08:25,302 --> 01:08:25,969
>> I will. Thank you.

2396
01:08:26,002 --> 01:08:28,838
>> You were great. Okay. See?

2397
01:08:28,872 --> 01:08:30,274
>> What are you doing wasting my

2398
01:08:30,307 --> 01:08:31,508
time with a dame like that for?

2399
01:08:31,541 --> 01:08:32,542
>> What are you talking about?

2400
01:08:32,576 --> 01:08:33,210
This is--

2401
01:08:33,243 --> 01:08:34,444
>> What am I talking about?

2402
01:08:34,478 --> 01:08:35,479
>> This is a very, very--

2403
01:08:35,512 --> 01:08:36,180
>> Alice is a regular,

2404
01:08:36,213 --> 01:08:37,614
plain housewife from Brooklyn.

2405
01:08:37,647 --> 01:08:38,748
She's a glamour-puss.

2406
01:08:38,782 --> 01:08:39,783
She belongs on the wall

2407
01:08:39,816 --> 01:08:41,251
of an auto mechanic's poster,

2408
01:08:41,285 --> 01:08:42,219
not on "The Honeymooners."

2409
01:08:42,252 --> 01:08:42,919
>> Seven. Bounce it.

2410
01:08:42,952 --> 01:08:44,788
One and two and three and four,

2411
01:08:44,821 --> 01:08:46,756
a-five, six, turn it, eight.

2412
01:08:46,790 --> 01:08:48,525
And one, two, and three, four,

2413
01:08:48,558 --> 01:08:50,260
turn five, six, turn seven.

2414
01:08:50,294 --> 01:08:51,695
Good. A-one, two, a-three,

2415
01:08:51,728 --> 01:08:53,463
four, five. Open out. Now right

2416
01:08:53,497 --> 01:08:54,831
leg kicks. Go one, two.

2417
01:08:54,864 --> 01:08:56,533
Keep it eye-high. That's five,

2418
01:08:56,566 --> 01:08:57,601
six, seven. Backing up.

2419
01:08:57,634 --> 01:08:59,836
One, two, three. Jackie enters.

2420
01:08:59,869 --> 01:09:01,871
Five, six, seven, and hold.

2421
01:09:01,905 --> 01:09:03,307
Good, you guys. You did great.

2422
01:09:03,340 --> 01:09:03,807
>> Very nice, gals.

2423
01:09:03,840 --> 01:09:04,808
You're all fired.

2424
01:09:04,841 --> 01:09:06,176
>> ( laughter )

2425
01:09:06,210 --> 01:09:07,177
>> Wonderful job.

2426
01:09:07,211 --> 01:09:07,711
>> Thank you.

2427
01:09:07,744 --> 01:09:08,845
>> Very nice, June.

2428
01:09:08,878 --> 01:09:10,547
Who's the new one?

2429
01:09:10,580 --> 01:09:11,848
>> That's my kid sister Marilyn.

2430
01:09:11,881 --> 01:09:12,516
>> You're kidding?

2431
01:09:12,549 --> 01:09:13,750
>> No. You have to meet her.

2432
01:09:13,783 --> 01:09:15,585
Marilyn, come here. She's going

2433
01:09:15,619 --> 01:09:17,254
to love this. I'd like you

2434
01:09:17,287 --> 01:09:18,322
to meet Jackie.

2435
01:09:18,355 --> 01:09:19,022
>> Mr. Gleason.

2436
01:09:19,055 --> 01:09:20,457
>> It's a pleasure. I should've

2437
01:09:20,490 --> 01:09:21,325
known those gams run

2438
01:09:21,358 --> 01:09:21,891
in the family.

2439
01:09:21,925 --> 01:09:22,659
>> Yeah, you should see

2440
01:09:22,692 --> 01:09:23,527
our brothers.

2441
01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:24,894
>> ( laughs ) She's funny.

2442
01:09:24,928 --> 01:09:26,430
We like that around here.

2443
01:09:26,463 --> 01:09:27,831
Welcome to the show. Anything

2444
01:09:27,864 --> 01:09:29,299
you need, please let me know.

2445
01:09:29,333 --> 01:09:29,799
>> Thank you.

2446
01:09:29,833 --> 01:09:30,667
>> Good job, June.

2447
01:09:35,639 --> 01:09:37,441
>> Huh? ( laughs )

2448
01:09:37,474 --> 01:09:38,442
>> What's that?

2449
01:09:38,475 --> 01:09:39,576
>> What do you mean, what--

2450
01:09:39,609 --> 01:09:41,545
it's a mink. I thought

2451
01:09:41,578 --> 01:09:42,111
you'd like it.

2452
01:09:42,145 --> 01:09:42,879
>> What am I supposed

2453
01:09:42,912 --> 01:09:43,580
to do with it?

2454
01:09:43,613 --> 01:09:44,814
>> You're supposed to feed it

2455
01:09:44,848 --> 01:09:46,383
and watch it grow. Jen,

2456
01:09:46,416 --> 01:09:47,517
it's for you. I want you

2457
01:09:47,551 --> 01:09:49,619
to wear it. Come on.

2458
01:09:49,653 --> 01:09:51,721
>> Where, around here?

2459
01:09:51,755 --> 01:09:53,357
Why don't you give it to one

2460
01:09:53,390 --> 01:09:54,558
of your girlfriends?

2461
01:09:54,591 --> 01:09:55,592
>> You know, I don't even know

2462
01:09:55,625 --> 01:09:56,626
what the hell you're talking

2463
01:09:56,660 --> 01:09:57,661
about. Why don't you quit

2464
01:09:57,694 --> 01:09:58,528
reading those ridiculous

2465
01:09:58,562 --> 01:09:59,496
magazines? You know

2466
01:09:59,529 --> 01:10:00,129
I hate the press.

2467
01:10:00,163 --> 01:10:01,431
>> You think I don't know?

2468
01:10:01,465 --> 01:10:02,666
>> Oh, this is nice. This is--

2469
01:10:02,699 --> 01:10:03,900
the only picture you have of me

2470
01:10:03,933 --> 01:10:05,535
is the one where I got fired.

2471
01:10:05,569 --> 01:10:07,671
>> Geraldine likes it. Oh, by

2472
01:10:07,704 --> 01:10:08,872
the way, she keeps asking when

2473
01:10:08,905 --> 01:10:10,340
her daddy's going to come and

2474
01:10:10,374 --> 01:10:11,608
take her to the park. What am

2475
01:10:11,641 --> 01:10:13,277
I supposed to tell her, huh,

2476
01:10:13,310 --> 01:10:14,611
the truth? That Daddy's running

2477
01:10:14,644 --> 01:10:15,312
around with his girlfriends?

2478
01:10:15,345 --> 01:10:16,880
>> You know, I should've known

2479
01:10:16,913 --> 01:10:17,847
better than to do

2480
01:10:17,881 --> 01:10:18,782
something nice.

2481
01:10:18,815 --> 01:10:20,450
>> You can't pay us to be

2482
01:10:20,484 --> 01:10:21,785
a family, Jackie. You don't even

2483
01:10:21,818 --> 01:10:23,553
live here anymore. You forgot

2484
01:10:23,587 --> 01:10:26,556
Linda's birthday.

2485
01:10:26,590 --> 01:10:27,891
>> I sent her the tricycle,

2486
01:10:27,924 --> 01:10:28,458
didn't I?

2487
01:10:28,492 --> 01:10:31,561
>> Right. Right, Jackie.

2488
01:10:31,595 --> 01:10:32,629
>> Listen, the only reason why

2489
01:10:32,662 --> 01:10:34,331
my hotel is up the street is

2490
01:10:34,364 --> 01:10:36,333
because I work best late

2491
01:10:36,366 --> 01:10:37,367
at night. You know that.

2492
01:10:37,401 --> 01:10:41,371
>> You think I'm stupid? Go.

2493
01:10:41,405 --> 01:10:43,673
Just leave. Leave. Live wherever

2494
01:10:43,707 --> 01:10:46,776
you want. But I am still

2495
01:10:46,810 --> 01:10:50,280
your wife. We got married

2496
01:10:50,314 --> 01:10:51,581
in a church. We made a promise

2497
01:10:51,615 --> 01:10:54,618
to God, and I'm living by that.

2498
01:10:55,852 --> 01:10:57,587
>> Give my love to the girls.

2499
01:11:04,394 --> 01:11:06,062
>> My mother can come stay with

2500
01:11:06,095 --> 01:11:08,798
us anytime she wants. Like it...

2501
01:11:08,832 --> 01:11:09,666
( foot taps )

2502
01:11:09,699 --> 01:11:10,233
or not.

2503
01:11:10,266 --> 01:11:11,067
>> That's interesting.

2504
01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:12,336
Thank you.

2505
01:11:12,369 --> 01:11:13,870
>> And another thing, Ralph.

2506
01:11:13,903 --> 01:11:15,739
My mother can come stay with us

2507
01:11:15,772 --> 01:11:17,374
anytime she likes,

2508
01:11:17,407 --> 01:11:18,375
like it or not.

2509
01:11:18,408 --> 01:11:19,343
>> Huh.

2510
01:11:19,376 --> 01:11:19,876
>> ( chuckles ) That's--

2511
01:11:19,909 --> 01:11:20,544
>> Get her out.

2512
01:11:20,577 --> 01:11:21,511
>> Next.

2513
01:11:21,545 --> 01:11:24,013
>> And another thing, Ralph.

2514
01:11:24,047 --> 01:11:25,582
My mother can stay with--

2515
01:11:29,753 --> 01:11:31,521
...like it or not.

2516
01:11:31,555 --> 01:11:32,188
>> Uh-huh.

2517
01:11:32,221 --> 01:11:34,023
>> And another thing, Ralph.

2518
01:11:34,057 --> 01:11:36,360
My mother can come stay with us

2519
01:11:36,393 --> 01:11:37,494
anytime she wants...

2520
01:11:37,527 --> 01:11:38,127
>> ( laughs )

2521
01:11:38,161 --> 01:11:39,496
>> ...to, like it or not.

2522
01:11:39,529 --> 01:11:40,664
>> ( coughs ) You wanna go

2523
01:11:40,697 --> 01:11:41,698
to the Moon, Alice? You want

2524
01:11:41,731 --> 01:11:42,732
to go to the Moon?

2525
01:11:42,766 --> 01:11:44,834
>> Yeah, and you're just

2526
01:11:44,868 --> 01:11:46,570
the blimp to take me there.

2527
01:11:46,603 --> 01:11:47,704
>> ( laughs )

2528
01:11:47,737 --> 01:11:48,805
>> Very nice.

2529
01:11:48,838 --> 01:11:49,506
Very nice, everybody.

2530
01:11:49,539 --> 01:11:50,707
>> We'll let you know real soon.

2531
01:11:50,740 --> 01:11:51,575
Joe.

2532
01:11:51,608 --> 01:11:52,108
>> Thank you, gals.

2533
01:11:52,141 --> 01:11:53,410
>> ( whispers ) Hey.

2534
01:11:53,443 --> 01:11:54,644
So, what do you think?

2535
01:11:54,678 --> 01:11:55,111
>> She was unbelievable.

2536
01:11:55,144 --> 01:11:55,745
Who is she?

2537
01:11:55,779 --> 01:11:56,446
>> I don't know who you're

2538
01:11:56,480 --> 01:11:58,047
talking about. What do you mean,

2539
01:11:58,081 --> 01:11:58,615
the last one?

2540
01:11:58,648 --> 01:11:59,649
>> The one right there.

2541
01:11:59,683 --> 01:12:00,316
Yes, the last one.

2542
01:12:00,350 --> 01:12:01,585
>> Really? She was standing

2543
01:12:01,618 --> 01:12:03,487
in your office yesterday.

2544
01:12:03,520 --> 01:12:04,120
>> Want to run that

2545
01:12:04,153 --> 01:12:04,821
by me again?

2546
01:12:04,854 --> 01:12:06,089
>> Audrey Meadows, the one you

2547
01:12:06,122 --> 01:12:07,591
said was too pretty

2548
01:12:07,624 --> 01:12:08,625
to be funny.

2549
01:12:08,658 --> 01:12:09,759
>> That's Audrey Meadows?

2550
01:12:09,793 --> 01:12:10,460
>> Yes.

2551
01:12:10,494 --> 01:12:11,127
>> She's unbelievable. Tell her

2552
01:12:11,160 --> 01:12:12,529
she's got it. That's Alice!

2553
01:12:12,562 --> 01:12:13,563
>> Told you! Right now.

2554
01:12:13,597 --> 01:12:14,030
>> Oh, you're right.

2555
01:12:14,063 --> 01:12:14,698
>> Okay. Audrey?

2556
01:12:14,731 --> 01:12:16,433
>> Five, six, and eyebrows.

2557
01:12:16,466 --> 01:12:17,133
>> All right, sisters,

2558
01:12:17,166 --> 01:12:18,602
take a break. You look tired.

2559
01:12:18,635 --> 01:12:19,068
Excuse me.

2560
01:12:19,102 --> 01:12:19,736
>> I am.

2561
01:12:19,769 --> 01:12:20,770
>> So, how are you enjoying

2562
01:12:20,804 --> 01:12:22,138
your time on the show?

2563
01:12:22,171 --> 01:12:23,039
>> Well, I feel the

2564
01:12:23,072 --> 01:12:23,873
choreographer doesn't know

2565
01:12:23,907 --> 01:12:24,508
what she's doing.

2566
01:12:24,541 --> 01:12:25,875
>> Oh, do I sense a little

2567
01:12:25,909 --> 01:12:26,543
sibling rivalry?

2568
01:12:26,576 --> 01:12:27,544
>> ( laughs )

2569
01:12:27,577 --> 01:12:28,778
>> Why don't we go out and grab

2570
01:12:28,812 --> 01:12:29,779
a bite tonight?

2571
01:12:29,813 --> 01:12:31,014
>> Oh, well, I'd have to ask

2572
01:12:31,047 --> 01:12:33,450
my boss. Boss, can I go

2573
01:12:33,483 --> 01:12:34,484
to dinner with you tonight?

2574
01:12:34,518 --> 01:12:35,719
>> If you want to keep your job,

2575
01:12:35,752 --> 01:12:36,753
I highly recommend it.

2576
01:12:36,786 --> 01:12:37,454
>> ( laughs )

2577
01:12:37,487 --> 01:12:39,923
>> I see the mouse! There it is!

2578
01:12:39,956 --> 01:12:42,492
There's the mouse! I got it!

2579
01:12:42,526 --> 01:12:43,593
>> Wait!

2580
01:12:43,627 --> 01:12:45,562
>> He's over there!

2581
01:12:45,595 --> 01:12:46,930
>> I got him! Oh, God.

2582
01:12:46,963 --> 01:12:48,632
Don't you have a piece of cheese

2583
01:12:48,665 --> 01:12:50,667
or something? There's the tail!

2584
01:12:50,700 --> 01:12:51,901
I got him!

2585
01:12:51,935 --> 01:12:54,538
>> ( objects crashing )

2586
01:12:54,571 --> 01:12:56,606
>> Okay, Bobby, go to two.

2587
01:12:56,640 --> 01:12:57,707
>> Go to two, Rob.

2588
01:12:57,741 --> 01:12:58,575
>> Ready one.

2589
01:12:58,608 --> 01:12:59,409
>> He's supposed to be

2590
01:12:59,443 --> 01:13:00,109
by the fireplace.

2591
01:13:00,143 --> 01:13:01,478
>> Yeah, tell Pat to follow him.

2592
01:13:01,511 --> 01:13:02,045
>> Pat, follow him.

2593
01:13:02,078 --> 01:13:04,914
Ready three.

2594
01:13:04,948 --> 01:13:06,483
>> My leg!

2595
01:13:06,516 --> 01:13:07,451
>> Go back to one.

2596
01:13:07,484 --> 01:13:09,619
>> One up. Ready two. Wait.

2597
01:13:09,653 --> 01:13:10,654
I think he hurt himself.

2598
01:13:10,687 --> 01:13:12,689
I think he's hurt.

2599
01:13:12,722 --> 01:13:16,426
>> Okay, tell Bill to get off

2600
01:13:16,460 --> 01:13:17,494
him, stay on Carney.

2601
01:13:17,527 --> 01:13:18,628
>> Bill, stay on Carney.

2602
01:13:18,662 --> 01:13:19,796
Ready one.

2603
01:13:19,829 --> 01:13:21,531
>> Someone...

2604
01:13:21,565 --> 01:13:22,866
>> Ehh! My leg! My leg!

2605
01:13:22,899 --> 01:13:24,100
>> Think we've got a little bit

2606
01:13:24,133 --> 01:13:24,801
of a problem here.

2607
01:13:24,834 --> 01:13:26,803
>> "East Coast viewers notified

2608
01:13:26,836 --> 01:13:28,705
friends in the West about

2609
01:13:28,738 --> 01:13:30,540
the mishap in time to watch

2610
01:13:30,574 --> 01:13:32,208
the rebroadcast, earning Gleason

2611
01:13:32,241 --> 01:13:34,043
his largest audience ever."

2612
01:13:34,077 --> 01:13:35,479
>> If I knew that, I would

2613
01:13:35,512 --> 01:13:36,112
have broken both legs

2614
01:13:36,145 --> 01:13:36,813
in the first season.

2615
01:13:36,846 --> 01:13:38,615
>> Now, what can I do to make

2616
01:13:38,648 --> 01:13:39,315
you feel better?

2617
01:13:39,348 --> 01:13:40,517
>> Well, I know what you can do

2618
01:13:40,550 --> 01:13:41,885
to me. You are doing it.

2619
01:13:41,918 --> 01:13:43,587
>> Excuse me. Am I

2620
01:13:43,620 --> 01:13:45,522
interrupting something?

2621
01:13:45,555 --> 01:13:47,557
>> Hi, Jen. Go sit down.

2622
01:13:47,591 --> 01:13:48,792
>> I come here to see how you

2623
01:13:48,825 --> 01:13:52,529
are, and instead I find--

2624
01:13:52,562 --> 01:13:52,996
Who are you?

2625
01:13:53,029 --> 01:13:53,997
>> Sit down.

2626
01:13:54,030 --> 01:13:57,133
>> His girlfriend? His lover?

2627
01:13:57,166 --> 01:14:00,136
His date for the afternoon?

2628
01:14:00,169 --> 01:14:03,206
You know who I am? I'm his wife,

2629
01:14:03,239 --> 01:14:05,008
if that means anything to you.

2630
01:14:05,041 --> 01:14:05,842
I'm also the mother

2631
01:14:05,875 --> 01:14:07,577
of his children.

2632
01:14:07,611 --> 01:14:08,512
>> How are they?

2633
01:14:08,545 --> 01:14:10,213
>> In the hospital, Jackie,

2634
01:14:10,246 --> 01:14:12,982
where everyone can see?

2635
01:14:13,016 --> 01:14:15,685
>> I broke my leg.

2636
01:14:15,719 --> 01:14:19,122
>> I want you out of-- I am his

2637
01:14:19,155 --> 01:14:20,690
wife, and I belong here!

2638
01:14:20,724 --> 01:14:24,528
You don't! I am Mrs.

2639
01:14:24,561 --> 01:14:25,829
Jackie Gleason, and I demand

2640
01:14:25,862 --> 01:14:27,697
to be treated with respect.

2641
01:14:27,731 --> 01:14:28,264
>> Okay.

2642
01:14:28,297 --> 01:14:29,499
>> Do you hear me?!

2643
01:14:29,533 --> 01:14:31,067
>> Jen.

2644
01:14:31,100 --> 01:14:33,503
>> Out! I demand

2645
01:14:33,537 --> 01:14:34,003
to be treated...

2646
01:14:34,037 --> 01:14:34,538
>> I'll call you.

2647
01:14:34,571 --> 01:14:35,572
>> ...with respect!

2648
01:14:35,605 --> 01:14:36,072
>> Sit down.

2649
01:14:39,976 --> 01:14:41,110
>> All right, but, Ronnie,

2650
01:14:41,144 --> 01:14:42,078
that wall shouldn't be--

2651
01:14:42,111 --> 01:14:43,913
it looks as dirt-- it should be

2652
01:14:43,947 --> 01:14:45,281
as dirty as the other wall.

2653
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:46,115
>> Give me a chance.

2654
01:14:46,149 --> 01:14:46,816
>> That's too clean.

2655
01:14:46,850 --> 01:14:47,817
>> I'm doing it. Don't worry.

2656
01:14:47,851 --> 01:14:48,685
>> Okay.

2657
01:14:48,718 --> 01:14:49,252
>> Jackie.

2658
01:14:49,285 --> 01:14:50,186
>> And the backdrop is a

2659
01:14:50,219 --> 01:14:51,621
little-- hey, Bill. How are you?

2660
01:14:51,655 --> 01:14:52,321
>> Nice to see you.

2661
01:14:52,355 --> 01:14:53,289
>> Better backdrop. How are you?

2662
01:14:53,322 --> 01:14:54,558
Thanks for coming. Hi, Sid.

2663
01:14:54,591 --> 01:14:55,258
>> Sol.

2664
01:14:55,291 --> 01:14:56,660
>> Uh-huh. Come on, pull up a

2665
01:14:56,693 --> 01:14:59,563
chair. The only way I could tell

2666
01:14:59,596 --> 01:15:01,698
the backdrop is if you light it.

2667
01:15:01,731 --> 01:15:02,932
Put a light behind it. Does that

2668
01:15:02,966 --> 01:15:04,100
look like Brooklyn to you?

2669
01:15:04,133 --> 01:15:05,535
What do you know? You grew up

2670
01:15:05,569 --> 01:15:06,570
in Connecticut. ( laughs )

2671
01:15:06,603 --> 01:15:07,671
>> I'm running a little late

2672
01:15:07,704 --> 01:15:08,905
here. What can I do for you?

2673
01:15:08,938 --> 01:15:10,006
>> Well, the variety theme is

2674
01:15:10,039 --> 01:15:11,240
getting a little stale with me.

2675
01:15:11,274 --> 01:15:11,941
>> Come on now, Jackie.

2676
01:15:11,975 --> 01:15:13,109
The sponsors have been promised

2677
01:15:13,142 --> 01:15:13,677
a variety theme.

2678
01:15:13,710 --> 01:15:14,811
>> What do you want me

2679
01:15:14,844 --> 01:15:15,845
to tell them? They love

2680
01:15:15,879 --> 01:15:16,946
the show as it is.

2681
01:15:16,980 --> 01:15:18,281
>> Hey, can I-- are you okay

2682
01:15:18,314 --> 01:15:18,948
over there?

2683
01:15:18,982 --> 01:15:19,616
>> Be careful.

2684
01:15:19,649 --> 01:15:20,550
>> Can I finish?

2685
01:15:20,584 --> 01:15:21,250
>> Please.

2686
01:15:21,284 --> 01:15:22,652
>> The first half of the hour

2687
01:15:22,686 --> 01:15:24,320
remains a variety theme. The

2688
01:15:24,353 --> 01:15:26,255
last 30 minutes, it's an entire

2689
01:15:26,289 --> 01:15:27,557
episode of "The Honeymooners,"

2690
01:15:27,591 --> 01:15:28,592
and they're going to love it.

2691
01:15:28,625 --> 01:15:29,626
>> Come on now, Jackie.

2692
01:15:29,659 --> 01:15:30,594
>> That's too yellow.

2693
01:15:30,627 --> 01:15:31,595
>> "The Honeymooners" is just

2694
01:15:31,628 --> 01:15:32,629
a sketch. It doesn't have

2695
01:15:32,662 --> 01:15:33,663
the legs for 30 minutes.

2696
01:15:33,697 --> 01:15:34,698
>> Well, I beg to differ, Bill,

2697
01:15:34,731 --> 01:15:35,932
'cause I get about 5,000 letters

2698
01:15:35,965 --> 01:15:36,966
a week telling me differently,

2699
01:15:37,000 --> 01:15:38,602
so I want to give the people

2700
01:15:38,635 --> 01:15:40,036
more of that. And I want to do

2701
01:15:40,069 --> 01:15:41,337
it on film instead of kinescope,

2702
01:15:41,370 --> 01:15:42,706
'cause it's a different grain.

2703
01:15:42,739 --> 01:15:44,073
That bureau has to go more

2704
01:15:44,107 --> 01:15:45,341
towards the door, please,

2705
01:15:45,374 --> 01:15:46,876
'cause I take my hat off.

2706
01:15:46,910 --> 01:15:48,311
I gotta be able to come in,

2707
01:15:48,344 --> 01:15:49,679
put my stuff on it.

2708
01:15:49,713 --> 01:15:50,914
>> Just so they can watch a bus

2709
01:15:50,947 --> 01:15:51,915
driver yelling at his wife

2710
01:15:51,948 --> 01:15:53,149
for 30 minutes? You know what

2711
01:15:53,182 --> 01:15:53,983
that's going to cost?

2712
01:15:54,017 --> 01:15:54,951
>> I know exactly what

2713
01:15:54,984 --> 01:15:55,652
it will cost.

2714
01:15:55,685 --> 01:15:56,653
>> Come on, Jackie. You're not

2715
01:15:56,686 --> 01:15:57,587
being rational. It's too

2716
01:15:57,621 --> 01:15:58,622
much of a risk.

2717
01:15:58,655 --> 01:15:59,656
>> I'm willing to take it,

2718
01:15:59,689 --> 01:16:00,323
Bill.

2719
01:16:00,356 --> 01:16:01,324
>> ( sighs ) It's coming out

2720
01:16:01,357 --> 01:16:02,025
of your end.

2721
01:16:02,058 --> 01:16:03,827
>> What's new? It always does.

2722
01:16:03,860 --> 01:16:04,994
Could we play nice?

2723
01:16:05,028 --> 01:16:06,329
>> I'm going on record here.

2724
01:16:06,362 --> 01:16:07,764
I think it's a big mistake.

2725
01:16:07,797 --> 01:16:08,632
>> Okay.

2726
01:16:08,665 --> 01:16:09,633
>> Me too.

2727
01:16:09,666 --> 01:16:10,600
>> Okay. Do me a favor.

2728
01:16:10,634 --> 01:16:11,768
Guys, turn around. Does that

2729
01:16:11,801 --> 01:16:13,703
look like yellow?

2730
01:16:13,737 --> 01:16:15,672
>> If you say so, it's yellow.

2731
01:16:15,705 --> 01:16:16,906
>> That's the answer I need!

2732
01:16:16,940 --> 01:16:19,075
>> We'll see you, Jackie.

2733
01:16:19,108 --> 01:16:21,778
>> Beige. Beige!

2734
01:16:21,811 --> 01:16:25,782
The color of Sid! ( laughs )

2735
01:16:25,815 --> 01:16:27,984
Wow.

2736
01:16:28,017 --> 01:16:29,986
>> ( telephone line ringing )

2737
01:16:30,019 --> 01:16:32,656
>> Pick it up. Pick it up.

2738
01:16:32,689 --> 01:16:36,192
Pick it up. Pick it up.

2739
01:16:36,225 --> 01:16:38,728
>> ( telephone ringing )

2740
01:16:56,145 --> 01:16:57,881
>> ( knock on door )

2741
01:16:57,914 --> 01:16:59,315
>> What?

2742
01:16:59,348 --> 01:17:01,017
>> Jackie.

2743
01:17:01,050 --> 01:17:04,654
>> Come in. What do you want?

2744
01:17:04,688 --> 01:17:05,855
>> Well, this letter came

2745
01:17:05,889 --> 01:17:07,056
registered. I signed for it.

2746
01:17:07,090 --> 01:17:09,659
It's from Herb Gleason,

2747
01:17:09,693 --> 01:17:11,928
in Stoneybrook, Connecticut.

2748
01:18:17,293 --> 01:18:20,196
>> It's Jack. Please open

2749
01:18:20,229 --> 01:18:21,798
the door, Jackie. I beg you.

2750
01:18:21,831 --> 01:18:23,466
It's three minutes before

2751
01:18:23,499 --> 01:18:27,203
we go on. Jackie?

2752
01:18:35,178 --> 01:18:36,045
Coming in.

2753
01:18:39,148 --> 01:18:41,751
Jackie?

2754
01:18:41,785 --> 01:18:43,219
>> Excuse me, fellas. Hey,

2755
01:18:43,252 --> 01:18:44,921
Art, I know it's a long shot,

2756
01:18:44,954 --> 01:18:45,955
but have you seen Jackie?

2757
01:18:45,989 --> 01:18:47,190
>> Oh, no, no. I don't see

2758
01:18:47,223 --> 01:18:48,424
The Great One until they yell,

2759
01:18:48,457 --> 01:18:49,793
"Action." You know that, Jack.

2760
01:18:49,826 --> 01:18:50,493
>> I know.

2761
01:18:50,526 --> 01:18:52,428
>> Jackie, what are you doing

2762
01:18:52,461 --> 01:18:53,930
here? Jack Philbin is down

2763
01:18:53,963 --> 01:18:55,298
in the studio right now losing

2764
01:18:55,331 --> 01:18:56,399
his mind. Let's go downstairs.

2765
01:18:56,432 --> 01:18:57,033
Come on.

2766
01:18:57,066 --> 01:18:58,134
>> Did you send the stuff

2767
01:18:58,167 --> 01:18:59,235
to Marilyn?

2768
01:18:59,268 --> 01:19:00,369
>> Yeah, I sent the stuff

2769
01:19:00,403 --> 01:19:01,337
to Marilyn. That's done.

2770
01:19:01,370 --> 01:19:02,371
>> And?

2771
01:19:02,405 --> 01:19:04,173
>> And nothing. Look, Jackie,

2772
01:19:04,207 --> 01:19:06,109
I mean, really, kid, it's for

2773
01:19:06,142 --> 01:19:10,179
the best. Come on. Come on.

2774
01:19:10,213 --> 01:19:11,214
>> You hear that?

2775
01:19:11,247 --> 01:19:12,949
>> Huh? No, what?

2776
01:19:12,982 --> 01:19:16,185
>> Listen. You can get a cab on

2777
01:19:16,219 --> 01:19:20,189
a Saturday night. You know why?

2778
01:19:20,223 --> 01:19:21,891
Because everyone's at home

2779
01:19:21,925 --> 01:19:23,860
in front of their televisions

2780
01:19:23,893 --> 01:19:24,828
waiting to see me.

2781
01:19:24,861 --> 01:19:27,496
>> If you do the show, right?

2782
01:19:27,530 --> 01:19:28,898
Come on, you're right. No,

2783
01:19:28,932 --> 01:19:30,900
I'm proud of you, huh? Come on.

2784
01:19:30,934 --> 01:19:32,168
>> Are you, Bullets?

2785
01:19:32,201 --> 01:19:33,469
>> Of course I am. The whole

2786
01:19:33,502 --> 01:19:34,137
world's proud of you.

2787
01:19:34,170 --> 01:19:35,371
>> Then why don't I feel it?

2788
01:19:35,404 --> 01:19:37,406
>> Feel it? You don't want

2789
01:19:37,440 --> 01:19:39,075
to know what I think.

2790
01:19:39,108 --> 01:19:40,276
>> You know, the whole time I

2791
01:19:40,309 --> 01:19:43,546
was growing up, my father lived

2792
01:19:43,579 --> 01:19:47,416
less than an hour away, and he

2793
01:19:47,450 --> 01:19:49,185
never came to see me once.

2794
01:19:51,888 --> 01:19:53,356
He said it was because he felt

2795
01:19:53,389 --> 01:19:54,490
the shame.

2796
01:19:59,428 --> 01:20:00,830
This whole time, I thought

2797
01:20:00,864 --> 01:20:03,232
it was me.

2798
01:20:03,266 --> 01:20:05,534
>> He's the one that missed out.

2799
01:20:05,568 --> 01:20:07,170
It's his loss.

2800
01:20:10,907 --> 01:20:11,941
>> Try telling that

2801
01:20:11,975 --> 01:20:12,808
to an eight-year-old kid.

2802
01:20:16,279 --> 01:20:17,380
All right, come on.

2803
01:20:17,413 --> 01:20:18,347
>> ( drums playing )

2804
01:20:18,381 --> 01:20:20,349
>> Let's go fool 'em.

2805
01:20:20,383 --> 01:20:23,086
>> ( theme music playing )

2806
01:20:30,559 --> 01:20:33,429
>> Jackie Gleason.

2807
01:20:33,462 --> 01:20:36,132
"The Honeymooners."

2808
01:20:36,165 --> 01:20:38,401
With the stars Art Carney...

2809
01:20:40,369 --> 01:20:41,470
...Audrey Meadows...

2810
01:20:41,504 --> 01:20:42,939
>> Stand by, music.

2811
01:20:42,972 --> 01:20:43,907
>> Stand by, music.

2812
01:20:43,940 --> 01:20:44,373
>> ...and Joyce Randolph.

2813
01:20:44,407 --> 01:20:45,241
>> Fade up.

2814
01:20:45,274 --> 01:20:45,909
>> Fading up.

2815
01:20:45,942 --> 01:20:46,575
>> Cue music.

2816
01:20:46,609 --> 01:20:47,643
>> Cue music.

2817
01:20:47,676 --> 01:20:48,544
>> Cue Jackie.

2818
01:20:48,577 --> 01:20:49,212
>> Cue Jackie.

2819
01:20:49,245 --> 01:20:51,414
>> ( Alice humming a tune )

2820
01:20:51,447 --> 01:20:54,250
>> ( applause )

2821
01:20:55,584 --> 01:20:56,652
>> Hiya, Alice.

2822
01:20:56,685 --> 01:20:57,921
What's for supper?

2823
01:20:57,954 --> 01:20:59,388
>> Hiya, sweetie. I made your

2824
01:20:59,422 --> 01:21:00,957
favorite-- fried chicken.

2825
01:21:00,990 --> 01:21:01,925
( laughs )

2826
01:21:01,958 --> 01:21:03,526
>> Well, thank you, Alice.

2827
01:21:03,559 --> 01:21:06,595
>> I got your paper for you too.

2828
01:21:06,629 --> 01:21:07,630
Would you like me to

2829
01:21:07,663 --> 01:21:11,534
read it for you? No?

2830
01:21:11,567 --> 01:21:12,969
Oh, and I got your bowling ball

2831
01:21:13,002 --> 01:21:14,437
out for you, and I got it all

2832
01:21:14,470 --> 01:21:15,671
shined up. I thought maybe you

2833
01:21:15,704 --> 01:21:17,340
and Ed might want to go bowling

2834
01:21:17,373 --> 01:21:19,442
later. I shined up your bowling

2835
01:21:19,475 --> 01:21:21,377
shoes for you too. Are you

2836
01:21:21,410 --> 01:21:24,280
comfy, sweetums? ( giggles )

2837
01:21:24,313 --> 01:21:25,381
Oh, and by the way...

2838
01:21:25,414 --> 01:21:29,152
>> Aha! Aha! "By the way,"

2839
01:21:29,185 --> 01:21:30,253
huh? All right, what's

2840
01:21:30,286 --> 01:21:30,954
"by the way"?

2841
01:21:30,987 --> 01:21:32,688
>> All right, Ralph. The Nortons

2842
01:21:32,721 --> 01:21:34,123
are getting a new television

2843
01:21:34,157 --> 01:21:35,358
set, and I was just thinking,

2844
01:21:35,391 --> 01:21:36,960
why don't we get one too?

2845
01:21:36,993 --> 01:21:37,593
>> We've been through this

2846
01:21:37,626 --> 01:21:39,228
before, and I'm not buying

2847
01:21:39,262 --> 01:21:40,363
a television set.

2848
01:21:40,396 --> 01:21:41,697
>> Ed Norton makes the same

2849
01:21:41,730 --> 01:21:43,332
money you do. And you know what

2850
01:21:43,366 --> 01:21:44,367
they have? They have a washing

2851
01:21:44,400 --> 01:21:45,401
machine. They have a vacuum

2852
01:21:45,434 --> 01:21:46,669
cleaner. They have a television

2853
01:21:46,702 --> 01:21:47,536
set. They even have

2854
01:21:47,570 --> 01:21:49,205
an electric stove.

2855
01:21:49,238 --> 01:21:51,540
>> You're right, Alice. They got

2856
01:21:51,574 --> 01:21:52,708
all those things, and they got

2857
01:21:52,741 --> 01:21:53,943
one more thing that we

2858
01:21:53,977 --> 01:21:55,511
ain't got-- worries.

2859
01:21:55,544 --> 01:21:56,179
>> ( laughter )

2860
01:21:56,212 --> 01:21:57,413
>> And you want to know why,

2861
01:21:57,446 --> 01:21:58,948
Alice? Because every week,

2862
01:21:58,982 --> 01:22:00,183
Norton has to go down there

2863
01:22:00,216 --> 01:22:01,617
and pay for those things.

2864
01:22:01,650 --> 01:22:03,052
Well, I got peace of mind,

2865
01:22:03,086 --> 01:22:04,420
Alice. That's what I got.

2866
01:22:04,453 --> 01:22:06,189
And I'm socking my money away.

2867
01:22:06,222 --> 01:22:07,490
You know what it is now?

2868
01:22:07,523 --> 01:22:09,158
It's going up, up, up!

2869
01:22:09,192 --> 01:22:11,127
>> ( laughter )

2870
01:22:11,160 --> 01:22:13,997
>> We got $75 laying around

2871
01:22:14,030 --> 01:22:16,432
here. $75. And he's got all

2872
01:22:16,465 --> 01:22:17,700
that stuff, but I got mine

2873
01:22:17,733 --> 01:22:19,735
right here!

2874
01:22:19,768 --> 01:22:22,438
>> Yeah. You got it here,

2875
01:22:22,471 --> 01:22:24,440
and you got it right here,

2876
01:22:24,473 --> 01:22:27,110
and you got it right here!

2877
01:22:27,143 --> 01:22:29,345
>> ( laughter )

2878
01:22:29,378 --> 01:22:31,514
>> ( grumbles ) You know,

2879
01:22:31,547 --> 01:22:32,748
I hope they love those jokes

2880
01:22:32,781 --> 01:22:34,183
on the Moon, 'cause that's where

2881
01:22:34,217 --> 01:22:36,452
you're going, Alice. Bang! Zoom!

2882
01:22:36,485 --> 01:22:38,087
I don't want to hear no more

2883
01:22:38,121 --> 01:22:39,088
about the television set.

2884
01:22:39,122 --> 01:22:39,755
That's it!

2885
01:22:39,788 --> 01:22:41,457
>> I want a television set,

2886
01:22:41,490 --> 01:22:42,425
and I'm going to get

2887
01:22:42,458 --> 01:22:43,692
a television set. I want

2888
01:22:43,726 --> 01:22:45,161
to look at Liberace!

2889
01:22:45,194 --> 01:22:46,562
>> ( laughter )

2890
01:22:46,595 --> 01:22:47,596
>> Well, why don't you get

2891
01:22:47,630 --> 01:22:48,731
Liberace to buy you

2892
01:22:48,764 --> 01:22:52,335
the television set?

2893
01:22:52,368 --> 01:22:53,202
>> Take me to your--

2894
01:22:53,236 --> 01:22:56,005
>> Bah! Will you take

2895
01:22:56,039 --> 01:22:57,440
that off, Norton!

2896
01:22:57,473 --> 01:22:59,075
>> Space Ranger, third class, in

2897
01:22:59,108 --> 01:23:01,544
the Captain Video Space Academy.

2898
01:23:01,577 --> 01:23:03,512
Official space helmet off,

2899
01:23:03,546 --> 01:23:04,680
O Captain Video,

2900
01:23:04,713 --> 01:23:06,249
wherever you are.

2901
01:23:06,282 --> 01:23:08,551
>> You are nuts, Norton. You

2902
01:23:08,584 --> 01:23:10,553
know that? You're nuts. You have

2903
01:23:10,586 --> 01:23:12,155
any idea of the problems you're

2904
01:23:12,188 --> 01:23:13,489
causing for me? Do you?

2905
01:23:13,522 --> 01:23:14,657
>> I don't know, Ralph. Maybe

2906
01:23:14,690 --> 01:23:16,092
it's time you did something nice

2907
01:23:16,125 --> 01:23:18,461
for Alice for a change.

2908
01:23:18,494 --> 01:23:20,029
>> Do something nice for Alice?

2909
01:23:20,063 --> 01:23:21,330
Why don't you look around?

2910
01:23:21,364 --> 01:23:23,199
>> ( laughter )

2911
01:23:23,232 --> 01:23:24,433
>> Why, you got to face it,

2912
01:23:24,467 --> 01:23:25,468
Ralph. This place is no

2913
01:23:25,501 --> 01:23:28,304
Taj Mahal. Just buy her a TV set

2914
01:23:28,337 --> 01:23:29,772
and put it right there.

2915
01:23:39,148 --> 01:23:41,084
>> Get out! Get out! Get out!

2916
01:23:41,117 --> 01:23:42,518
>> Come up to my place later

2917
01:23:42,551 --> 01:23:43,552
and watch Captain Video

2918
01:23:43,586 --> 01:23:44,220
blast off for Pluto!

2919
01:23:44,253 --> 01:23:47,323
>> Get out, Norton! Get out!

2920
01:23:47,356 --> 01:23:49,792
>> ( laughter )

2921
01:23:49,825 --> 01:23:52,628
>> ( band playing )

2922
01:24:07,476 --> 01:24:10,546
>> Wow! Thanks!

2923
01:24:11,747 --> 01:24:13,382
Thank you, everybody.

2924
01:24:13,416 --> 01:24:14,450
How about a hand for

2925
01:24:14,483 --> 01:24:16,085
Art Carney, Joyce Randolph,

2926
01:24:16,119 --> 01:24:16,785
Audrey Meadows?

2927
01:24:16,819 --> 01:24:17,853
"The Honeymooners," ladies and

2928
01:24:17,886 --> 01:24:20,789
gentlemen. Fabulous. Thank you.

2929
01:24:44,447 --> 01:24:45,448
Thank you.

2930
01:24:51,187 --> 01:24:52,721
See you next week, everybody.

2931
01:24:52,755 --> 01:24:53,789
Good night.

2932
01:25:18,581 --> 01:25:20,483
>> Ralph: How can that be funny?

2933
01:25:20,516 --> 01:25:23,419
You have got no sense of humor.

2934
01:25:23,452 --> 01:25:25,321
>> Alice: Oh, yes, I do.

2935
01:25:25,354 --> 01:25:26,689
I married you, didn't I?

2936
01:25:26,722 --> 01:25:27,723
>> I'm the king around here.

2937
01:25:27,756 --> 01:25:28,424
You're nothing.

2938
01:25:28,457 --> 01:25:29,425
>> Ed: Ralph, maybe it's time

2939
01:25:29,458 --> 01:25:30,459
you did something nice

2940
01:25:30,493 --> 01:25:31,494
for Alice for a change.

2941
01:25:31,527 --> 01:25:32,761
>> Alice, don't you understand?

2942
01:25:32,795 --> 01:25:34,430
This is the biggest thing I ever

2943
01:25:34,463 --> 01:25:36,299
got into.

2944
01:25:36,332 --> 01:25:37,566
You're being a wisenheimer,

2945
01:25:37,600 --> 01:25:39,635
Alice. What do you think?

2946
01:25:42,605 --> 01:25:44,507
>> I think you're nuts.

2947
01:25:44,540 --> 01:25:46,375
>> I'm the man from space.

2948
01:25:46,409 --> 01:25:46,942
>> Alice: Hah!

2949
01:25:46,975 --> 01:25:49,812
>> Dah! What are you...

2950
01:25:49,845 --> 01:25:51,247
The trouble with you, you're not

2951
01:25:51,280 --> 01:25:52,348
up with the latest developments.

2952
01:25:52,381 --> 01:25:53,749
>> Who is it that lets out your

2953
01:25:53,782 --> 01:25:55,651
pants every other day?

2954
01:25:55,684 --> 01:25:58,254
>> ( chuckles )

2955
01:25:58,287 --> 01:26:01,624
>> Pray tell, who are you?

2956
01:26:01,657 --> 01:26:05,628
>> You are a blabbermouth!

2957
01:26:05,661 --> 01:26:07,663
I am the chef of the future.

2958
01:26:07,696 --> 01:26:09,198
( stammers )

2959
01:26:09,232 --> 01:26:12,601
You blabbermouth!

2960
01:26:12,635 --> 01:26:14,503
I wouldn't send a knight out

2961
01:26:14,537 --> 01:26:17,440
on a dog like this! ( laughs )

2962
01:26:17,473 --> 01:26:19,542
What a...

2963
01:26:19,575 --> 01:26:21,444
>> First, step up, plant your

2964
01:26:21,477 --> 01:26:23,312
feet firmly on the ground, and

2965
01:26:23,346 --> 01:26:25,581
address the ball. Hello, ball!

2966
01:26:25,614 --> 01:26:27,450
>> Norton, will you come on?!

2967
01:26:27,483 --> 01:26:28,917
I wouldn't send a knight out

2968
01:26:28,951 --> 01:26:30,386
on a dog like this!

2969
01:26:30,419 --> 01:26:31,287
Don't you get it?

2970
01:26:31,320 --> 01:26:32,455
>> No, I don't get it.

2971
01:26:32,488 --> 01:26:34,490
I don't think it's funny.

2972
01:26:34,523 --> 01:26:35,524
>> When did you ever

2973
01:26:35,558 --> 01:26:36,158
catch anything?

2974
01:26:36,191 --> 01:26:39,428
>> 15 years ago. I caught

2975
01:26:39,462 --> 01:26:42,531
300 pounds of blubber.

2976
01:26:42,565 --> 01:26:43,399
>> You have got

2977
01:26:43,432 --> 01:26:44,400
no sense of humor.

2978
01:26:44,433 --> 01:26:45,768
>> Well, I married you,

2979
01:26:45,801 --> 01:26:47,370
didn't I?

2980
01:26:47,403 --> 01:26:48,937
Who needs food? We can live

2981
01:26:48,971 --> 01:26:52,508
on love, killer. I call you

2982
01:26:52,541 --> 01:26:54,410
killer, 'cause you slay me.

2983
01:26:54,443 --> 01:26:56,312
>> And I'm calling Bellevue,

2984
01:26:56,345 --> 01:26:57,780
'cause you're nuts.

2985
01:26:57,813 --> 01:26:59,548
>> All right, Ralph, I'm just

2986
01:26:59,582 --> 01:27:01,517
trying to be like Rita, the kind

2987
01:27:01,550 --> 01:27:02,551
of girl you admire.

2988
01:27:02,585 --> 01:27:03,786
>> The only reason why I was

2989
01:27:03,819 --> 01:27:05,254
throwing the charm on Rita is

2990
01:27:05,288 --> 01:27:05,888
because her husband Bert

2991
01:27:05,921 --> 01:27:06,789
is the general manager

2992
01:27:06,822 --> 01:27:07,490
of the depot.

2993
01:27:07,523 --> 01:27:09,258
>> Well, that may explain you

2994
01:27:09,292 --> 01:27:10,659
being so attentive to Rita,

2995
01:27:10,693 --> 01:27:11,760
Ralph, but it doesn't explain

2996
01:27:11,794 --> 01:27:13,562
something much more important.

2997
01:27:13,596 --> 01:27:15,464
It doesn't explain why in all

2998
01:27:15,498 --> 01:27:16,799
these years, you never once made

2999
01:27:16,832 --> 01:27:18,301
me feel like your sweetheart or

3000
01:27:18,334 --> 01:27:20,936
even noticed how I look. I wish

3001
01:27:20,969 --> 01:27:22,405
you had an explanation for that,

3002
01:27:22,438 --> 01:27:25,274
Ralph. Oh, how I wish you had

3003
01:27:25,308 --> 01:27:26,509
an explanation for that.

3004
01:27:26,542 --> 01:27:29,612
>> I do have an explanation.

3005
01:27:29,645 --> 01:27:33,449
I'm a mope. I love you,

3006
01:27:33,482 --> 01:27:37,453
sweetheart, honestly.

3007
01:27:37,486 --> 01:27:40,889
Baby, you're the greatest.

3008
01:27:40,923 --> 01:27:43,292
>> ( laughs ) Oh, Ralph.

3009
01:27:43,326 --> 01:27:44,560
>> When you see one of these

3010
01:27:44,593 --> 01:27:47,530
episodes, do you miss it?

3011
01:27:47,563 --> 01:27:51,534
>> Sometimes, if I see it.

3012
01:27:51,567 --> 01:27:54,337
>> Any regrets?

3013
01:27:54,370 --> 01:27:55,571
>> I sometimes wonder if

3014
01:27:55,604 --> 01:27:56,805
I should've done another season

3015
01:27:56,839 --> 01:27:59,575
of "The Honeymooners." And then

3016
01:27:59,608 --> 01:28:00,943
there's a part of me that felt

3017
01:28:00,976 --> 01:28:02,411
I played it right by going out

3018
01:28:02,445 --> 01:28:04,580
on top when I did. I wish I was

3019
01:28:04,613 --> 01:28:05,414
there more for my family

3020
01:28:05,448 --> 01:28:07,650
in those days, but I was

3021
01:28:07,683 --> 01:28:11,654
so driven, and I paid for it.

3022
01:28:11,687 --> 01:28:14,056
And unfortunately I'm sure they

3023
01:28:14,089 --> 01:28:17,059
did too. The good news is I got

3024
01:28:17,092 --> 01:28:18,594
the girl in the end, which is

3025
01:28:18,627 --> 01:28:20,596
rare for a buffoon, but Marilyn

3026
01:28:20,629 --> 01:28:21,830
and I worked it out, and we're

3027
01:28:21,864 --> 01:28:22,998
about to celebrate nine years

3028
01:28:23,031 --> 01:28:26,935
of bliss, if you will.

3029
01:28:26,969 --> 01:28:29,438
Anything else?

3030
01:28:29,472 --> 01:28:31,807
>> So, Jackie, are you

3031
01:28:31,840 --> 01:28:33,809
"The Great One"?

3032
01:28:33,842 --> 01:28:35,378
>> Well, I'll tell you what.

3033
01:28:35,411 --> 01:28:36,745
Let's go downstairs. We'll shoot

3034
01:28:36,779 --> 01:28:39,582
a little pool, and you tell me.

3035
01:28:39,615 --> 01:28:41,884
Bring your wallet.

3036
01:28:41,917 --> 01:28:45,053
Mmm. ( chuckles )

3037
01:28:50,493 --> 01:28:52,995
>> ( instrumental playing )

3038
01:28:53,045 --> 01:28:57,595
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